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This Is What Happens To Your Brain After A Breakup

“Turning on the reward neurons releases repeated floods of the neurotransmitter dopamine. And the dopamine activates circuits inside the brain that create a craving…In the case of romance, the thing you need more of is your beloved.” – Diane Kelly

We’re going to assume, at least for the sake of this article, that someone you once loved someone did not end up becoming “the one.”

Many people reading this article will concede that a such an unfortunate occasion has happened at least once.

The underlying concept you’ll see throughout the article is this: the brain’s complex – and often, unknowable – intricately woven circuitry produces complex feelings that arise from any and all situations; whether positive or negative.

Of course, this includes any relationship that has gone awry.

The motivation behind this article is to explain what happens to the brain following a painful breakup. The benefit of such knowledge is noteworthy in the sense that we will gain a more comprehensive understanding of the neurocircuitry that accompanies a hard felt separation.

It is our hope, then, that this knowledge will enable you to understand why such emotions occur – and what you can do as a rational being to make the best out of a tough situation.

HUMANS ARE HARDWIRED FOR LOVE

Anyone remember the 1980’s commercial “This is your brain on drugs?” This commercial was a well-intended (though rudimentary) depiction of what occurs in the human brain during drug use. Whether or not one is a fan of this ad, it is challenging to object its effectiveness. Following extensive research, the Partnership for a Drug-Free America reproduced a more intensive version of the commercial following a sizeable decrease in drug abuse cases.

As it turns out, the human brain reacts similarly to love. According to Psychology Today, “love has probably started more schoolyard fights, adult feuds, and outright wars than every other catalyst combined – money, alcohol, drugs, politics, sports, etc.”

Simply put, the numerous effects of love on the brain are strikingly similar to those produced by drugs. Similar to how drugs can induce a stagnant effect on the human brain, love (especially deep love) can result in the same – if not exacerbated – neurological effects.

A neuroscientist at the Einstein College of Medicine explains love’s effect on the brain as follows: “Other kinds of social rejection are much more cognitive…(Romantic rejection) is a life changing thing, and involves systems that are not at the same level as feeling hungry or thirsty.”

In other words, when someone we love rejects us, it is as harmful, if not more so, to the brain than social needs (friendships) and primal needs (sustenance).

Wow…can’t say we saw that coming. Wonder what Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil would say on the matter. Anyway, digression aside let’s get down to it.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR BRAIN AFTER A BREAKUP

When we separate or reject somebody who we love, the physical effects – shallow breathing, nausea, chest constriction, etc. – are all very real phenomena.

Studies demonstrate that individuals in the midst of a breakup show disproportionate activity in the brain regions that determine the body’s response to physical pain and distress. This is potentially dangerous; and again, the more intimate the relationship, the likelier that adverse and extreme harmful physical side effects arise.

Unfortunately, this counterproductive cognitive response negatively affects other physical channels; including higher blood pressure, weakening of the immune system, and complications of the digestive system. These physical symptoms may persist for days, weeks, or months following a separation; with the duration of such effects highly dependent upon the individual.

Perhaps the most tragic response to heartbreak is a condition known as Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy (aka, “Broken Heart Syndrome) which produces stress hormones in extreme excess, which can, sadly, result in a heart attack, stroke, or even death.

(Sigh…)

WHAT THIS MEANS (AND DOESN’T)

From birth to death (and perhaps beyond), human beings desire to be loved. Regardless of the rapid advancements in neuroscience, we cannot – nor should we presume to – understand the complex mechanisms of love on our brain, body, and soul.

Experience (and science) tells us that love and human existence are inseparable. On the positive side, this inseparability enables us to love and cherish those we hold dear despite any and all circumstances. On the not so positive side, such findings elaborate upon – for better or worse – our dependence on others for connection, friendship, love, and nourishment.

For those currently going through the heartbreak that many of us have endured, it’s important to know that you are not alone. Human beings, by evolutionary design, are resilient creatures. Our brains have the superlative capability of learning, adapting, and rewiring to any past, present or future situation.

REFERENCES:
PARKER, D. (N.D.). QUOTES ABOUT ADAPTATION (102 QUOTES). RETRIEVED MARCH 24, 2017, FROM HTTP://WWW.GOODREADS.COM/QUOTES/TAG/ADAPTATION
KELLY, D. (2015, JULY 20). HERE’S WHAT BREAKING UP DOES TO YOUR BRAIN. RETRIEVED MARCH 24, 2017, FROM HTTP://GIZMODO.COM/HERES-WHAT-BREAKING-UP-DOES-TO-YOUR-BRAIN-1717776450
WEISS, R., LCSW, CSAT-S. (2015, JANUARY 28). THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON LOVE. RETRIEVED MARCH 24, 2017, FROM HTTPS://WWW.PSYCHOLOGYTODAY.COM/BLOG/LOVE-AND-SEX-IN-THE-DIGITAL-AGE/201501/IS-YOUR-BRAIN-LOVE


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Fun Fact Friday

  • It takes about 7 minutes for the average person to fall asleep.
  • A “gut feeling” is a chemical signal that your stomach creates to warn the brain of danger.
  • Fast food restaurants use yellow, red, and orange because those are the colors that stimulate hunger.
  • In the next 30 seconds, you will, on average, produce 72 million red blood cells, shed 174,000 skin cells, and have 25 thoughts.
  • Studies show those who don’t eat breakfast, or eat it only sometimes, are twice as likely to be overweight as those who eat two breakfasts.
  • It only takes 0.2 seconds to fall in love.

 

Happy Friday  🙂
 
source:       factualfacts.com       https://twitter.com/Fact       @Fact


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Fun Fact Friday

  • North American school buses are yellow because humans see yellow faster than any other color, which is important for avoiding accidents.
  • People fall in love on average 7 times before marriage.
  • Studies have shown that eating food without preservatives can improve I.Q by up to 14%.
  • Psychologists have found that whenever you’re in a bad mood, you can feel better just by forcing yourself to smile.
  • A teaspoon of honey is actually the lifework of 12 bees.
preservatives
  • Washing your hands makes you more optimistic.
  • Shy people tend have great observational skills, making it easier to recognize the core of a problem then solving it.
  • Pineapples are not a single fruit, but a group of berries that have fused together.
  • Pumpkin is not a vegetable, scientifically it is a berry.

Happy Friday  
🙂

 source:       factualfacts.com       https://twitter.com/Fact       @Fact


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Fun Fact Friday

  • A survey says that those who wear black are seen as serious and reliable — almost 50% women and 64% of men agree that black exudes confidence.
  • Treadmills were created to punish English prisoners in 1818.
  • Loneliness increases a person’s risk of mortality by 26 percent, an effect comparable to the health risks posed by obesity.
  • Bees are directly responsible for the production of 70% of fruits, vegetables, seeds, and nuts that we consume on a daily basis.
strawberries
Strawberries actually contain more vitamin C than oranges

 

  • Falling in love has similar neurological effects as the high produced from taking cocaine.
  • Strawberries actually contain more vitamin C than oranges.
  • A breakup feels more extreme than other forms of social rejection because romance ties into more primal parts of the brain.
  • Intelligent people are more forgetful than those with average intelligence.
  • The average woman smiles 62 times a day. The average man smiles only 8 times.

Happy Friday  
🙂

source:       factualfacts.com       https://twitter.com/Fact       @Fact


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This Powerful Perspective Shift Can Inspire The Love You Want

One of the biggest mistakes many of us make when we want more affection from someone is trying to negotiate that experience from him or her.

What I mean is: We explain all the reasons we should be treated differently and then hope the person will follow through so we can feel better in the relationship

This strategy for attracting more love never works. In fact, it usually backfires and pushes people away!

While I’m a big fan of open communication and talking about your needs and feelings, I want you to know that your words are not what inspires people to shower you with love.

What Inspires People to Shower You With Love Is Your Energy

In this article, I’ll explain what your energy is, how it influences your relationships, and how to shift your energy so people naturally want to shower you with the love and affection that feels good to you.

First, let’s talk about energy. Your energy is essentially the feeling state you’re in most of the time. And this feeling state (your energy) dictates how your relationships unfold.

We attract people and experiences that match our predominant energy state.

So if your energy state is typically fulfilled, happy, connected, and overflowing with love, then you’ll attract experiences that match that. You tend to feel fulfilled, happy, connected, and overflowing with love in your relationships and in your life.

But if your energy is in a state of lacking, not getting enough, and not feeling fulfilled, then you attract experiences that match that. You feel lacking, like you’re not getting enough and are unfulfilled in your relationships and your life.

Your energy dictates what you experience in relationships. Because of this, the way to change your relationships is by shifting your energy.

The good news is this is easy to do.

By moving from the energy of “I’m not cared for” (which is the state we’re in when trying to negotiate more love) to the state of “I’m fulfilled, I’m confident, and I’m worthy of your love, too,” you automatically inspire people to love you.

Love

 

So, How Do You Put It Into Practice?

Below are four tips that will dramatically shift your energy, so you can inspire people to love you in a deep, fulfilling way.

1. Prioritize quality time with yourself every day.

Quality time with yourself gives you an opportunity to feel connected with you. And the more you connect with yourself, the more you’ll inspire connection with others.

This alone time is a space for you to check in with yourself, see how you’re feeling, explore who you are, and simply listen to your internal process.

This subtle exercise will increase the energy of “I feel connected,” which will automatically create a positive change in your connection with others, too.

2. Cultivate love from within.

Your source of love is inside you. All the love you need starts from within.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t desire love from others or that relationships are useless. It means the foundation of love in your life always starts from within you.

Cultivating self-love is easier than most of us think. Start by getting quiet, taking a few deep breaths, and exploring the energy that exists at the center of your chest. As you practice this simple exercise, you’ll discover the essence of joy, peace, and wholeness that lives within you. That feeling is self-love.

This energy is waiting for you to connect to it whenever you want. This practice is the cornerstone for creating enormous love in your life.

3. Shower yourself with the affection you want to receive from others.

How do you want to be treated in a relationship? Are you treating yourself that way?

One of the quickest ways to shift your energy in relationships is by treating yourself exactly how you want to be treated by others. Remember — your energy determines how people treat you!
Approach yourself with kindness and respect, and that’s what you’ll receive. Shower yourself with positive vibes, compliments, and care, and you’ll inspire others to do that too.

Love yourself the way you want to be loved, and you’ll naturally attract that kind of affection in turn.

4. Stop trying to change the other person. Instead, ask how you can change yourself.

One of my favorite quotes from Gandhi is “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This is deep wisdom, and it applies to relationships, too.

Be the change you wish to experience in relationships.

Become the person you want to be in the relationship, then let the relationship mold around you. Take the first step to make the changes in yourself, then watch the ways your partner and your life transform as a result.

What I really want you to remember is this: Negotiation doesn’t inspire people to shower us with love. Energy does.

The love you feel in relationships begins with you. Shift your energy to be an embodiment of love, and others will naturally offer you love and affection, too.

by Shelly Bullard      December 17, 2015


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10 Ways to Love the People in Your Life

By Tara Sophia Mohr

“At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?”   ~Jack Kornfield

We all grow up with some healthy stories about love and some unhealthy ones. I learned some beautiful, life-giving ideas about love, ideas like these:

  • Loving people means believing in their potential.
  • Love means treating people with kindness and gentleness.
  • Loving the people in your life means celebrating their successes and cheering them on.

But I also grew up with some stories about love that I came to see weren’t so helpful. Those ideas about love bred problems in my relationships.

One of those stories was: Loving someone means always being available to them. (Turns out, it’s not true, and living as if it is breeds resentment.)

Another was: Loving someone means always having space for what they want to talk to you about. (Turns out, not true either!)

Another myth about love: If you love someone, you do what they are asking you to do, out of love, even if it feels difficult. (I can tell you, that doesn’t work so well.)

I’ve developed my own guidelines for loving the people in my life, guidelines that express how I want to relate to the people around me.

These are some of my guidelines for loving:

1. Tell them about their brilliance.

They likely can’t see it and they don’t know its immensity, but you can see it, and you can illuminate it for them.

2. Be authentic, and give others the gift of the real you and a real relationship.

Ask your real questions. Share your real beliefs. Go for your real dreams. Tell your truth.

3. Don’t confuse “authenticity” with sharing every complaint, resentment, or petty reaction in the name of “being yourself.”

Meditate, write, or do yoga to work through anxiety, resentment, and stress on your own so you don’t hand off those negative moods to everyone around you. Sure, share sadness, honest dilemmas, and fears, but be mindful; don’t pollute.

namaste

4. Listen, listen, listen.

Don’t listen to determine if you agree or disagree. Listen to get to know what is true for the person in front of you. Get to know an inner landscape that is different from your own, and enjoy the journey. Remember that if, in any conversation, nothing piqued your curiosity and nothing surprised you, you weren’t really listening.

5. Don’t waste your time or energy thinking about how they need to be different.

Really. Chuck that whole thing. Their habits are their habits. Their personalities are their personalities. Let them be, and work on what you want to change about you—not what you think would be good to change about them.

6. Remember that you don’t have to understand their choices to respect or accept them.

7. Don’t conflate accepting with being a doormat or betraying yourself.

Let them be who they are, entirely. Then, you decide what you need, in light of who they are. Do you need to make a direct request that they change their behavior in some way? Do you need to take care of yourself better? Do you need to set a boundary or to change the relationship? Take care of yourself well, without holding anyone else in contempt.

8. Give of yourself, but never sacrifice or compromise yourself.

Stop if resentment is building and retool. Don’t do the martyr thing. It helps no one and nothing.

9. See their value.

Remember that everyone you encounter was created by divine intelligence and has an important role to play in the universe. Treat them as such.

10. Accept this as your mantra and try to live as if it were true: Everything that I experience from another human being is either love or a call for love.

With this mantra as your guide, you’ll keep growing emotionally and spiritually for the rest of your life.


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5 Simple Sanskrit Words To Live By

by Gabrielle Harris   April 17, 2015

Whatever your practices or beliefs may be, we all need reminders to help you lead a good life. Sanskrit is a language of vibration, meaning the energy is held in the words. By now we’re all familiar with OM, the sound of the universe, and Namaste, meaning the light in me honors the light in you. But there a few more lesser known Sanskrit words that can also help steer us toward our best selves.

We can instill the meaning of these words into our hearts and into our practice by repeating them to ourselves as mantras. Here are five simple Sanskrit words to live your life by:

1. Santosha: Contentment

“When all your desires are distilled
You will cast two votes
To love more and to be happy.” -Hafiz

Santosha is the practice of finding contentment or happiness, regardless of the external circumstances. Our habitual thought patterns often tell us what we don’t have is what we need, in order to bring us joy. However it is not long before we settle into dissatisfaction and begin to quickly search for something else to take its place.

That new watch gets scratched, the new lover has some faults, or the new job isn’t quite what you expected. So we want out of this moment and into the next — always searching and never truly happy or content.

Santosha is a the practice of remembering that what you have now is precious and transitory. Use this word daily to cultivate some gratitude to just who and what you already have.

2. Upeksha: Equanimity

“You are the sky, everything else is the weather.” -Pema Chodron

One definition of equanimity means to stand in the middle. The Buddha taught that we are constantly being pulled in different directions, either toward the things or people we desire, or away from the things or people we are averse to.

These emotions are our weather and the sky is our equanimity. To practice equanimity we must cultivate mindfulness, an awareness of when we are becoming the weather so that we are less jerked around by transitory thoughts. Use this word when you feel yourself being pulled into a riptide of thoughts that are not serving you.

love happiness

3. Sraddha: Faith

We may not always know how our path is unfolding, so at times we might feel uncertain or stuck in life. Often we are unsure of where to go and how to make the right choice. Sometimes we may even sense a lack of purpose and not recognize our true calling. We might feel lost.

Sraddha is the inner, intuitive belief that you are walking steadily towards your life’s goals. It takes us away from our limited perception of reality to a more universal vision. Remember this word when you need to find courage to believe that everything about your journey is unfolding exactly as it should.

4. Bhavana: To cultivate

“Your mind is not a cage, it is a garden. And it requires cultivating.” -Libba Bray

This earthy word reminds us that for any plant to grow well, the health of the soil is most important. So we must look to nourish and nurture the soil (our minds) to provide an environment that will benefit us spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

To cultivate you must pull out the weeds, the most persistent, deeply ingrained ways of being and thinking, and plant the behaviors or ways of being that you want to bring into your life. That’s when you can begin to sow love, kindness, joy, happiness, humility, gratitude and peace.

5. Satya: Truth and honesty

“To believe in something and not live it is dishonest.”-Gandhi

The beauty in this word lies in the effect it can have on our lives. If we live in accordance with our truth, then our life will be freer of suffering. If everything that we think, say, feel and act on is leading us toward our higher path, then this the practice of Satya.

To know what your “truth” is, you will need to sit quietly with yourself and ask in honesty: In what way is my moral compass pointing? What is the purpose for my existence? Then, you try to live in accordance with the answer.

Cut out the lies you may tell yourself and stop listening to what other people say or do or think of you. Stand tall and strong in your belief of how to live a good life. That’s when you’ll notice that gossip and comparison stops. You will also stop seeking answers. If you are truthful about your shortcomings and where you have messed up, it will only help you grow.

It is when we look at all the parts of ourselves without judgment, that we are comfortable with our whole. We drop all the guilt and shame. We acknowledge that who we are right now and in any given moment is perfectly OK.