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This Is What Happens To Your Brain After A Breakup

“Turning on the reward neurons releases repeated floods of the neurotransmitter dopamine. And the dopamine activates circuits inside the brain that create a craving…In the case of romance, the thing you need more of is your beloved.” – Diane Kelly

We’re going to assume, at least for the sake of this article, that someone you once loved someone did not end up becoming “the one.”

Many people reading this article will concede that a such an unfortunate occasion has happened at least once.

The underlying concept you’ll see throughout the article is this: the brain’s complex – and often, unknowable – intricately woven circuitry produces complex feelings that arise from any and all situations; whether positive or negative.

Of course, this includes any relationship that has gone awry.

The motivation behind this article is to explain what happens to the brain following a painful breakup. The benefit of such knowledge is noteworthy in the sense that we will gain a more comprehensive understanding of the neurocircuitry that accompanies a hard felt separation.

It is our hope, then, that this knowledge will enable you to understand why such emotions occur – and what you can do as a rational being to make the best out of a tough situation.

HUMANS ARE HARDWIRED FOR LOVE

Anyone remember the 1980’s commercial “This is your brain on drugs?” This commercial was a well-intended (though rudimentary) depiction of what occurs in the human brain during drug use. Whether or not one is a fan of this ad, it is challenging to object its effectiveness. Following extensive research, the Partnership for a Drug-Free America reproduced a more intensive version of the commercial following a sizeable decrease in drug abuse cases.

As it turns out, the human brain reacts similarly to love. According to Psychology Today, “love has probably started more schoolyard fights, adult feuds, and outright wars than every other catalyst combined – money, alcohol, drugs, politics, sports, etc.”

Simply put, the numerous effects of love on the brain are strikingly similar to those produced by drugs. Similar to how drugs can induce a stagnant effect on the human brain, love (especially deep love) can result in the same – if not exacerbated – neurological effects.

A neuroscientist at the Einstein College of Medicine explains love’s effect on the brain as follows: “Other kinds of social rejection are much more cognitive…(Romantic rejection) is a life changing thing, and involves systems that are not at the same level as feeling hungry or thirsty.”

In other words, when someone we love rejects us, it is as harmful, if not more so, to the brain than social needs (friendships) and primal needs (sustenance).

Wow…can’t say we saw that coming. Wonder what Dr. Oz or Dr. Phil would say on the matter. Anyway, digression aside let’s get down to it.

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS TO YOUR BRAIN AFTER A BREAKUP

When we separate or reject somebody who we love, the physical effects – shallow breathing, nausea, chest constriction, etc. – are all very real phenomena.

Studies demonstrate that individuals in the midst of a breakup show disproportionate activity in the brain regions that determine the body’s response to physical pain and distress. This is potentially dangerous; and again, the more intimate the relationship, the likelier that adverse and extreme harmful physical side effects arise.

Unfortunately, this counterproductive cognitive response negatively affects other physical channels; including higher blood pressure, weakening of the immune system, and complications of the digestive system. These physical symptoms may persist for days, weeks, or months following a separation; with the duration of such effects highly dependent upon the individual.

Perhaps the most tragic response to heartbreak is a condition known as Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy (aka, “Broken Heart Syndrome) which produces stress hormones in extreme excess, which can, sadly, result in a heart attack, stroke, or even death.

(Sigh…)

WHAT THIS MEANS (AND DOESN’T)

From birth to death (and perhaps beyond), human beings desire to be loved. Regardless of the rapid advancements in neuroscience, we cannot – nor should we presume to – understand the complex mechanisms of love on our brain, body, and soul.

Experience (and science) tells us that love and human existence are inseparable. On the positive side, this inseparability enables us to love and cherish those we hold dear despite any and all circumstances. On the not so positive side, such findings elaborate upon – for better or worse – our dependence on others for connection, friendship, love, and nourishment.

For those currently going through the heartbreak that many of us have endured, it’s important to know that you are not alone. Human beings, by evolutionary design, are resilient creatures. Our brains have the superlative capability of learning, adapting, and rewiring to any past, present or future situation.

REFERENCES:
PARKER, D. (N.D.). QUOTES ABOUT ADAPTATION (102 QUOTES). RETRIEVED MARCH 24, 2017, FROM HTTP://WWW.GOODREADS.COM/QUOTES/TAG/ADAPTATION
KELLY, D. (2015, JULY 20). HERE’S WHAT BREAKING UP DOES TO YOUR BRAIN. RETRIEVED MARCH 24, 2017, FROM HTTP://GIZMODO.COM/HERES-WHAT-BREAKING-UP-DOES-TO-YOUR-BRAIN-1717776450
WEISS, R., LCSW, CSAT-S. (2015, JANUARY 28). THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON LOVE. RETRIEVED MARCH 24, 2017, FROM HTTPS://WWW.PSYCHOLOGYTODAY.COM/BLOG/LOVE-AND-SEX-IN-THE-DIGITAL-AGE/201501/IS-YOUR-BRAIN-LOVE


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Fun Fact Friday

  • It takes about 7 minutes for the average person to fall asleep.
  • A “gut feeling” is a chemical signal that your stomach creates to warn the brain of danger.
  • Fast food restaurants use yellow, red, and orange because those are the colors that stimulate hunger.
  • In the next 30 seconds, you will, on average, produce 72 million red blood cells, shed 174,000 skin cells, and have 25 thoughts.
  • Studies show those who don’t eat breakfast, or eat it only sometimes, are twice as likely to be overweight as those who eat two breakfasts.
  • It only takes 0.2 seconds to fall in love.

 

Happy Friday  🙂
 
source:       factualfacts.com       https://twitter.com/Fact       @Fact


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Fun Fact Friday

  • North American school buses are yellow because humans see yellow faster than any other color, which is important for avoiding accidents.
  • People fall in love on average 7 times before marriage.
  • Studies have shown that eating food without preservatives can improve I.Q by up to 14%.
  • Psychologists have found that whenever you’re in a bad mood, you can feel better just by forcing yourself to smile.
  • A teaspoon of honey is actually the lifework of 12 bees.
preservatives
  • Washing your hands makes you more optimistic.
  • Shy people tend have great observational skills, making it easier to recognize the core of a problem then solving it.
  • Pineapples are not a single fruit, but a group of berries that have fused together.
  • Pumpkin is not a vegetable, scientifically it is a berry.

Happy Friday  
🙂

 source:       factualfacts.com       https://twitter.com/Fact       @Fact


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Fun Fact Friday

  • A survey says that those who wear black are seen as serious and reliable — almost 50% women and 64% of men agree that black exudes confidence.
  • Treadmills were created to punish English prisoners in 1818.
  • Loneliness increases a person’s risk of mortality by 26 percent, an effect comparable to the health risks posed by obesity.
  • Bees are directly responsible for the production of 70% of fruits, vegetables, seeds, and nuts that we consume on a daily basis.
strawberries
Strawberries actually contain more vitamin C than oranges

 

  • Falling in love has similar neurological effects as the high produced from taking cocaine.
  • Strawberries actually contain more vitamin C than oranges.
  • A breakup feels more extreme than other forms of social rejection because romance ties into more primal parts of the brain.
  • Intelligent people are more forgetful than those with average intelligence.
  • The average woman smiles 62 times a day. The average man smiles only 8 times.

Happy Friday  
🙂

source:       factualfacts.com       https://twitter.com/Fact       @Fact


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This Powerful Perspective Shift Can Inspire The Love You Want

One of the biggest mistakes many of us make when we want more affection from someone is trying to negotiate that experience from him or her.

What I mean is: We explain all the reasons we should be treated differently and then hope the person will follow through so we can feel better in the relationship

This strategy for attracting more love never works. In fact, it usually backfires and pushes people away!

While I’m a big fan of open communication and talking about your needs and feelings, I want you to know that your words are not what inspires people to shower you with love.

What Inspires People to Shower You With Love Is Your Energy

In this article, I’ll explain what your energy is, how it influences your relationships, and how to shift your energy so people naturally want to shower you with the love and affection that feels good to you.

First, let’s talk about energy. Your energy is essentially the feeling state you’re in most of the time. And this feeling state (your energy) dictates how your relationships unfold.

We attract people and experiences that match our predominant energy state.

So if your energy state is typically fulfilled, happy, connected, and overflowing with love, then you’ll attract experiences that match that. You tend to feel fulfilled, happy, connected, and overflowing with love in your relationships and in your life.

But if your energy is in a state of lacking, not getting enough, and not feeling fulfilled, then you attract experiences that match that. You feel lacking, like you’re not getting enough and are unfulfilled in your relationships and your life.

Your energy dictates what you experience in relationships. Because of this, the way to change your relationships is by shifting your energy.

The good news is this is easy to do.

By moving from the energy of “I’m not cared for” (which is the state we’re in when trying to negotiate more love) to the state of “I’m fulfilled, I’m confident, and I’m worthy of your love, too,” you automatically inspire people to love you.

Love

 

So, How Do You Put It Into Practice?

Below are four tips that will dramatically shift your energy, so you can inspire people to love you in a deep, fulfilling way.

1. Prioritize quality time with yourself every day.

Quality time with yourself gives you an opportunity to feel connected with you. And the more you connect with yourself, the more you’ll inspire connection with others.

This alone time is a space for you to check in with yourself, see how you’re feeling, explore who you are, and simply listen to your internal process.

This subtle exercise will increase the energy of “I feel connected,” which will automatically create a positive change in your connection with others, too.

2. Cultivate love from within.

Your source of love is inside you. All the love you need starts from within.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t desire love from others or that relationships are useless. It means the foundation of love in your life always starts from within you.

Cultivating self-love is easier than most of us think. Start by getting quiet, taking a few deep breaths, and exploring the energy that exists at the center of your chest. As you practice this simple exercise, you’ll discover the essence of joy, peace, and wholeness that lives within you. That feeling is self-love.

This energy is waiting for you to connect to it whenever you want. This practice is the cornerstone for creating enormous love in your life.

3. Shower yourself with the affection you want to receive from others.

How do you want to be treated in a relationship? Are you treating yourself that way?

One of the quickest ways to shift your energy in relationships is by treating yourself exactly how you want to be treated by others. Remember — your energy determines how people treat you!
Approach yourself with kindness and respect, and that’s what you’ll receive. Shower yourself with positive vibes, compliments, and care, and you’ll inspire others to do that too.

Love yourself the way you want to be loved, and you’ll naturally attract that kind of affection in turn.

4. Stop trying to change the other person. Instead, ask how you can change yourself.

One of my favorite quotes from Gandhi is “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This is deep wisdom, and it applies to relationships, too.

Be the change you wish to experience in relationships.

Become the person you want to be in the relationship, then let the relationship mold around you. Take the first step to make the changes in yourself, then watch the ways your partner and your life transform as a result.

What I really want you to remember is this: Negotiation doesn’t inspire people to shower us with love. Energy does.

The love you feel in relationships begins with you. Shift your energy to be an embodiment of love, and others will naturally offer you love and affection, too.

by Shelly Bullard      December 17, 2015


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10 Ways to Love the People in Your Life

By Tara Sophia Mohr

“At the end of life, our questions are very simple: Did I live fully? Did I love well?”   ~Jack Kornfield

We all grow up with some healthy stories about love and some unhealthy ones. I learned some beautiful, life-giving ideas about love, ideas like these:

  • Loving people means believing in their potential.
  • Love means treating people with kindness and gentleness.
  • Loving the people in your life means celebrating their successes and cheering them on.

But I also grew up with some stories about love that I came to see weren’t so helpful. Those ideas about love bred problems in my relationships.

One of those stories was: Loving someone means always being available to them. (Turns out, it’s not true, and living as if it is breeds resentment.)

Another was: Loving someone means always having space for what they want to talk to you about. (Turns out, not true either!)

Another myth about love: If you love someone, you do what they are asking you to do, out of love, even if it feels difficult. (I can tell you, that doesn’t work so well.)

I’ve developed my own guidelines for loving the people in my life, guidelines that express how I want to relate to the people around me.

These are some of my guidelines for loving:

1. Tell them about their brilliance.

They likely can’t see it and they don’t know its immensity, but you can see it, and you can illuminate it for them.

2. Be authentic, and give others the gift of the real you and a real relationship.

Ask your real questions. Share your real beliefs. Go for your real dreams. Tell your truth.

3. Don’t confuse “authenticity” with sharing every complaint, resentment, or petty reaction in the name of “being yourself.”

Meditate, write, or do yoga to work through anxiety, resentment, and stress on your own so you don’t hand off those negative moods to everyone around you. Sure, share sadness, honest dilemmas, and fears, but be mindful; don’t pollute.

namaste

4. Listen, listen, listen.

Don’t listen to determine if you agree or disagree. Listen to get to know what is true for the person in front of you. Get to know an inner landscape that is different from your own, and enjoy the journey. Remember that if, in any conversation, nothing piqued your curiosity and nothing surprised you, you weren’t really listening.

5. Don’t waste your time or energy thinking about how they need to be different.

Really. Chuck that whole thing. Their habits are their habits. Their personalities are their personalities. Let them be, and work on what you want to change about you—not what you think would be good to change about them.

6. Remember that you don’t have to understand their choices to respect or accept them.

7. Don’t conflate accepting with being a doormat or betraying yourself.

Let them be who they are, entirely. Then, you decide what you need, in light of who they are. Do you need to make a direct request that they change their behavior in some way? Do you need to take care of yourself better? Do you need to set a boundary or to change the relationship? Take care of yourself well, without holding anyone else in contempt.

8. Give of yourself, but never sacrifice or compromise yourself.

Stop if resentment is building and retool. Don’t do the martyr thing. It helps no one and nothing.

9. See their value.

Remember that everyone you encounter was created by divine intelligence and has an important role to play in the universe. Treat them as such.

10. Accept this as your mantra and try to live as if it were true: Everything that I experience from another human being is either love or a call for love.

With this mantra as your guide, you’ll keep growing emotionally and spiritually for the rest of your life.


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5 Simple Sanskrit Words To Live By

by Gabrielle Harris   April 17, 2015

Whatever your practices or beliefs may be, we all need reminders to help you lead a good life. Sanskrit is a language of vibration, meaning the energy is held in the words. By now we’re all familiar with OM, the sound of the universe, and Namaste, meaning the light in me honors the light in you. But there a few more lesser known Sanskrit words that can also help steer us toward our best selves.

We can instill the meaning of these words into our hearts and into our practice by repeating them to ourselves as mantras. Here are five simple Sanskrit words to live your life by:

1. Santosha: Contentment

“When all your desires are distilled
You will cast two votes
To love more and to be happy.” -Hafiz

Santosha is the practice of finding contentment or happiness, regardless of the external circumstances. Our habitual thought patterns often tell us what we don’t have is what we need, in order to bring us joy. However it is not long before we settle into dissatisfaction and begin to quickly search for something else to take its place.

That new watch gets scratched, the new lover has some faults, or the new job isn’t quite what you expected. So we want out of this moment and into the next — always searching and never truly happy or content.

Santosha is a the practice of remembering that what you have now is precious and transitory. Use this word daily to cultivate some gratitude to just who and what you already have.

2. Upeksha: Equanimity

“You are the sky, everything else is the weather.” -Pema Chodron

One definition of equanimity means to stand in the middle. The Buddha taught that we are constantly being pulled in different directions, either toward the things or people we desire, or away from the things or people we are averse to.

These emotions are our weather and the sky is our equanimity. To practice equanimity we must cultivate mindfulness, an awareness of when we are becoming the weather so that we are less jerked around by transitory thoughts. Use this word when you feel yourself being pulled into a riptide of thoughts that are not serving you.

love happiness

3. Sraddha: Faith

We may not always know how our path is unfolding, so at times we might feel uncertain or stuck in life. Often we are unsure of where to go and how to make the right choice. Sometimes we may even sense a lack of purpose and not recognize our true calling. We might feel lost.

Sraddha is the inner, intuitive belief that you are walking steadily towards your life’s goals. It takes us away from our limited perception of reality to a more universal vision. Remember this word when you need to find courage to believe that everything about your journey is unfolding exactly as it should.

4. Bhavana: To cultivate

“Your mind is not a cage, it is a garden. And it requires cultivating.” -Libba Bray

This earthy word reminds us that for any plant to grow well, the health of the soil is most important. So we must look to nourish and nurture the soil (our minds) to provide an environment that will benefit us spiritually, emotionally and mentally.

To cultivate you must pull out the weeds, the most persistent, deeply ingrained ways of being and thinking, and plant the behaviors or ways of being that you want to bring into your life. That’s when you can begin to sow love, kindness, joy, happiness, humility, gratitude and peace.

5. Satya: Truth and honesty

“To believe in something and not live it is dishonest.”-Gandhi

The beauty in this word lies in the effect it can have on our lives. If we live in accordance with our truth, then our life will be freer of suffering. If everything that we think, say, feel and act on is leading us toward our higher path, then this the practice of Satya.

To know what your “truth” is, you will need to sit quietly with yourself and ask in honesty: In what way is my moral compass pointing? What is the purpose for my existence? Then, you try to live in accordance with the answer.

Cut out the lies you may tell yourself and stop listening to what other people say or do or think of you. Stand tall and strong in your belief of how to live a good life. That’s when you’ll notice that gossip and comparison stops. You will also stop seeking answers. If you are truthful about your shortcomings and where you have messed up, it will only help you grow.

It is when we look at all the parts of ourselves without judgment, that we are comfortable with our whole. We drop all the guilt and shame. We acknowledge that who we are right now and in any given moment is perfectly OK.


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Why Falling In Love Clouds Our Judgment

By Professor Kimberly Resnick Anderson

The chemicals of a hopeless romantic.

Love is a many-splendored thing. And falling in love is certainly one of life’s most exquisite experiences.

Falling in love makes people feel optimistic, energetic, and euphoric. All good stuff. But it also clouds our judgment, causing us to make impulsive, something risky decisions. So, what’s really happening to our brains when we fall in love?

Many neurochemical changes unfold as soon as we think we’ve met our “soul mate.” It all begins with Dopamine.

Dopamine activates the “reward center” in the brain and is highly associated with pleasure. The awesomeness of chocolate cake or finding the perfect pair of shoes — Dopamine. The thrill of gambling, using cocaine, playing video games, all Dopamine.

Dopamine — The Pleasure Center

All basic drives are associated with increased levels of Dopamine, including sex. Here’s an interesting fact — Dopamine is activated by novelty.

Anything new (a new person, a new place, a new food) increases Dopamine to varying degrees. So, when you meet a new guy or gal that you find attractive and consider to be a potential sex partner (or life partner) your brain gets of nice blast of Dopamine. In fact, when sex gets stale, I recommend that couples do something novel together to spice things back up. That’s why “vacation sex” is typically considered to be more exciting. It’s because you are in a different environment doing adventurous and novel things.

Serotonin, Obsessive Thoughts

Serotonin is another neurochemical that plays an important role when we fall in love. Have you ever met a potential love interest and you can’t stop thinking about them? You can’t sleep or eat because you are so distracted with thoughts of your new beloved.

Have you felt all-consumed, lost focus, daydreamed? We have serotonin to thank for these obsessive, intrusive thoughts. When you’re preoccupied and distracted and you believe it must be “true love,” try to remember that it might be serotonin playing tricks on you! When we are falling in love, the same parts of our brain light up on an MRI as when we are acutely mentally ill.

We really can be “crazy” in love! So, when you are ready to quit your job and move across the country to move in with someone you met online 3 weeks ago, take a time-out and remember that Serotonin may be distorting your typically sound judgment.

happy-chemicals-dopamine-serotonin-endorphin-oxytocin

Norepinephrine — Remembering Every Detail

Another neurochemical being activated when we fall in love is Norepinephrine, which is actually a chemical derived from Dopamine. Norepinephrine increases memory for new stimuli, assisting with euphoric recall.

Have you ever noticed that you can describe every detail of the first night you met your new love interest? The color of her dress, his cologne, the song that was playing when you spotted him, the exact time it was when she walked in the bar? That’s Norepinephrine at work.

This clarity of detail can trick us into thinking that it must be true love. We try to make sense of the intense, powerful feelings. They demand our attention. Sometimes we interpret this intensity as proof of having met our soul mate. I am not saying it isn’t!

I’m just saying we are sometimes overwhelmed by these feelings and this may affect our judgment.

Oxytocin — The Cuddle Chemical

Oxytocin is a key neurochemical involved in falling in love. Oxytocin is known as the “Love hormone,” the “Attachment hormone” and the “Bonding hormone.” It’s activated by all kinds of intimacy, even holding hands or hugging (not just sexual contact).

Try to think back, did a potential love interest inadvertently graze your arm with their hand and it felt like a bolt of electricity? That’s Oxytocin. Oxytocin also activates a sense of calm, satisfaction, and peacefulness. Oxytocin levels increase during breastfeeding.

Any skin to skin contact will activate Oxytocin. You know that “post-coital glow” you experience after sex, that “spring in your step?” That’s Oxytocin. In fact, after an orgasm, Oxytocin levels jump to 5X normal circulating levels and remain elevated for up to 24 hours! Not bad!

Adrenaline — Fight or Flight

Adrenaline is another neurochemical that is activated when we meet someone new that might be “the one.” Have you ever found yourself with a racing heart and sweaty palms when your crush approaches? Has your mouth gone dry when you attempt to speak?

That is Adrenaline flowing through your body. When activated, it can trigger a “fight or flight” response and increase blood levels of Cortisol (a stress hormone). This typically only happens when we are approached by (or near) someone we find attractive or perceive as potential partner (either “long-term”, i.e. forever or “short-term”, i.e. a one-night stand).

So, it’s easy to understand, given all of these physiologic changes, why we convince ourselves that our new partner is perfect for us. We are under the influence of neurochemicals! We are unable to see any of the clay beneath the marble statue.

We have neuochemical blinders on. This exciting, initial stage of love actually has a name. It is called Limerence. It’s defined as the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one’s feelings.

Keep in mind that the euphoria associated with falling in love starts to fade within 6-12 months; and by 18-24 months, the transcendental experience is virtually gone. This is not to say that we stop loving or valuing our partner, we’re just no longer under the gripping hold of neurochemicals like we were in the blissful beginning. Aahhh, the good ol’ days.


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10 Things to Accept Before You Can Love Unconditionally

We spend so much time building relationships with others that we often forget the most important relationship is the one we build with ourselves. Putting other’s needs before our own is setting a precedent that chips away at the core of who we are. And we do it not realizing that loving ourselves for who we are is the best present we can give to those people that matter most to us. With that in mind…

HERE ARE 10 THINGS TO ACCEPT BEFORE YOU CAN LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY.

1. YOU CAN’T SAY YES TO EVERYONE AND “NO” IS A NECESSITY

We want to say yes because we want to make others happy. The reality is when we say yes to others we are often saying no to us and we are the last person we should be saying no to. In fact, we are the only ones we are obligated to say yes to. Doing what is right for us is what allows us to do for others.

2. CREATING A FICTITIOUS LIFE JUST TO PLEASE OTHER PEOPLE DOES NOT HONOR YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF.

Making up stories about ourselves to be looked upon favorably is wrong on so many levels. First, we are not honoring our true self and what’s more we saying our true self isn’t worthy. Secondly, we are building relationships on a lie that will eventually crumble. And finally, when we feel the need to make ourselves look better in someone else’s eyes, it should be obvious we are hanging out with the wrong people.

3. YOU NEED TO STOP AGREEING WITH EVERYTHING EVERYONE SAYS BECAUSE YOU ARE AFRAID OF LOSING RELATIONSHIPS.

Our relationships should be built on more than the fact that we agree with everything the other person says. Be brave and voice opinions, honestly and with respect. Open the dialog to great discussion and our relationship with the other person and ourselves will grow.

4. TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF IS A PRIORITY AND BETTER EQUIPS YOU TO SERVE OTHERS.

We so often put our needs behind those of our family and friends, and because we do, we often have nothing left to give ourselves. Yet, when we dedicate time towards self-care, what we give to others is plentiful and more valuable.

Love

5. THERE IS NO GUILT WHEN MAKING DECISIONS THAT ARE RIGHT FOR YOU EVEN IF THEY ARE WRONG FOR SOMEONE ELSE.

The decisions we make for ourselves won’t always be the right decisions for others and that is okay. We don’t need to justify it or feel guilty because of it. We just need to be intentional and thoughtful while making and discussing the decision with others. Stay true to what you need.

6. YOU HAVE THE COURAGE TO SPEAK UP FOR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU REALIZE NO ONE ELSE WILL.

When there is an elephant in the room it doesn’t do any good to ignore it. And ignoring it won’t make it any less pleasant. If we aren’t able to stand up for ourselves and our needs, then they will often go ignored. We owe it to ourselves and the people around us to be heard and honored.

7. YOU NEED TO STOP KEEPING YOUR PAIN TO YOURSELF AND DENYING THOSE THAT LOVE YOU AN OPPORTUNITY TO SUPPORT YOU.

Being vulnerable to those people around us that we know support us deepens relationships, provides support and encourages us to move forward through difficult times. Asking for what we need in challenging times is one of the best things we can do to heal.

8. THERE IS NO NEED TO DRASTICALLY ALTER YOUR BEHAVIORS TO GET ATTENTION BECAUSE THE BEST KIND OF ATTENTION COMES FROM MERIT.

We are attention-seeking human beings and as such we may do drastic things to get it. We may not even realize we are seeking it, but if we are doing things out of character in order to fit in, then we should stop. The best kind of attention comes from living in our truth and serving others and we do that by loving ourselves unconditionally.

9. MAKE SURE YOU ARE LIVING THE EXAMPLE INSTEAD OF TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE ELSE HAPPY.

As much as we want the people around us to be happy and live their best life, the only person we can change is ourselves. It is much more important to be the example other people can look to, then to try and inflict our way of life on another person. We shouldn’t allow others to do it to us and we shouldn’t’ allow us to do it to others.

10. THE DEPTH OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS AND YOURSELF COMES FROM NURTURING AND SHARED VALUES.

We must be clear on the things that are important to us, the things that make our heart sing. When we accept those things for ourselves and surround ourselves with people who are like-minded we are free to love, not only ourselves but our life and the beauty that surrounds it.

Loving ourselves unconditionally sounds like an easy task, but we often get led astray. Stay true to what matters most, listen to your inner guide and trust what it is telling you. Do that and you’ll be honoring and loving yourself unconditionally.


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6 Ways to Open Your Heart and Love Again

No matter how many times you have been hurt in the past, you probably still wonder when your next boyfriend or girlfriend will walk into your life. Why? Well, humans were born to love. We were born to connect with others and share a deep emotional and physical bond. Love can hurt, but it also is crucial for our well-being.

Studies have proven that love releases feel-good hormones, eases depression symptoms, increases your lifespan, reduces anxiety and stress, and much more.

After a few failed relationships, though, you might feel like throwing in the towel on love. Don’t worry; many people feel this way after just leaving a serious relationship, but if you’re looking to leave the past behind and give love another try, these tips can help.

Here are 6 ways to open your heart to love again:

1. Let go of past heartache.

As they say, you can’t get to the future if you remain fixated on the past, so release any feelings of resentment or pain and realize that you had to go through those experiences to evolve and learn. Simply ask the universe for help in moving on from the relationships that have caused you grief, and accept the past for what it is: necessary stepping stones on your path to enlightenment and self-development.

Also, remember that only you can decide how you feel; others have power over your emotions only if you let them. Of course, everyone needs time to emotionally recuperate after a serious relationship, but just allow those feelings to move through you without judgment, and move on. Just try to enjoy living in the moment instead of ruminating on the past; after all, this moment is all we truly have.

2. Forgive others who have hurt you.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” – Katherine Ponder

Remember that holding a grudge is like injecting yourself with poison over and over again and expecting the other person to suffer. Resentment only affects the person who feels it, and it will hold a dark cloud over your head until you resolve those feelings.

Part of letting go of the past is forgiving those who have caused you pain, so either in person, in writing, or just in your head, offer your forgiveness to those people. Thank them for what you learned during your relationship, and wish them the best in their future. Then, you can finally free yourself from those emotional chains and truly open your heart to love again.

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3. Don’t have any expectations going in to future relationships.

Life hardly ever goes as expected, so having any anticipations about how it will unfold can lead to huge disappointments later on. No relationship will ever offer perfection, so don’t go in to relationships with preconceived ideas about how your partner will react to a certain situation or how long the relationship will last. You can never entirely predict anything, from people to the weather to what your life will be like even 5 minutes from now.

Just enjoy the ride and take life as it comes rather than wishing or demanding certain situations from life; remember, the universe will always give you what you need, even if that differs from what you want at the time.

4. Focus on loving yourself first, and you will attract others of the same vibration.

The actual first step to attracting someone who will love you is to cultivate that feeling within yourself. How can you expect others to love you if you don’t even feel that way toward yourself? We all give off a certain vibration, and others either become attracted or repelled to that energy based on their own frequency.

So, to attract those with a higher, more loving vibration, you must give off that energy yourself. You attract what you are, so keep this in mind when you feel ready to open yourself to love once again.

5. Don’t compare everyone you meet to your exes.

When you do meet a potential partner, you might feel inclined to figuratively put them beside your ex and compare every aspect of them to one another. However, this will only lead you to either harbor bitterness about your past relationship, or believe that no one can ever offer you what your ex did. Both of these ways of thinking will only lead to despair, so save yourself from the unnecessary heartache by avoiding comparison altogether.

Every person offers something unique and valuable to the world, so just accept people as they are without needing to size them up and critique every part of them. Your ex will probably have traits you desire in a future partner, but instead of fixating on that, just focus on the possibilities that the future holds. Based on your vibration, you will eventually find your way to someone who deserves you.

6. Choose to see the positive aspects of people instead of putting all your attention on the negative.

One surefire way to close yourself off to love is to believe that everyone has bad intentions with you; remember, hate and negativity contract, while love and positivity expand. After a rough breakup, you will probably go through a phase of anger toward the person, which could lead you to see the worst in everyone you know and meet. However, try to remember that other people carry their own vibration and have a personality completely different to your ex’s.

Just because you had one bad relationship, doesn’t mean that this will repeat infinitely into the future.

Smile and focus on the beauty present in all human beings, and you will attract more people set on seeing the best in their fellow man and woman, as well.