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14 Daily Habits That Contribute To Your Success

It’s hard to picture yourself making decisions that can help you live longer and achieve more in life. Feeling successful is the key to happiness as an individual. There are many daily habits or routines you could practice daily to make your life easier, keep your self-esteem at a high level, and, quite simply, enjoy a life of success.

Some people find that they can create better daily habits by writing out a plan. This strategy will only succeed if the plan’s elements are ones that you will follow each day. Keep in mind that you must be able to stick to the program over time to see results.
Think about how these tips will help you balance your competing needs and achieve your fullest potential.

CONSIDER HOW THESE DAILY HABITS CAN STEER YOU INTO SUCCESS

1. GET ENOUGH SLEEP.
One study looked at the ways that people’s habits in early life affects their success. It noted how previous studies on the subject had not considered the influence of the socio-economic status of young children and how it impacted them through life. However, this study showed people could be very successful if they are getting enough sleep in early life.
2. PRACTICE SELF-CONTROL TO FIND SUCCESS.
The same study found that good daily habits are as important as displaying self-control in early life. For example, if a 4-year-old child could learn to delay gratification, as studied by Mischel et al. in the 1960s, it could be a predictor of higher educational achievement, a higher sense of self-worth, and a more exceptional ability to deal with stress, as well as a lower risk of drug use.
3. BE POSITIVE THAT YOUR LIFE WILL GET BETTER IF YOU DO DELAY GRATIFICATION.
Another study by Casey et al. referenced in the same research found 4-year-olds tested showed less self-control in their forties. Not having self-control could lead to problems including early aging and shorter life expectancy. Also, the quality of one’s life could be less during any stage.
4. CHANGE YOUR HABITS SO YOU CAN START LIVING BETTER.
Another resource from the National Institute of Diabetes and Digestive and Kidney Diseases found lifestyle changes prevent diabetes and obesity. It’s not enough to want to feel better. You must be willing to commit to those good habits that are based on self-control.
5. MAKE AN EFFORT.
If you want to live better, you still have to make an effort. People who don’t want to develop health problems associated with a poor diet can do two things. They can become more active and eat better. You have to make time in your day to take a walk, ride a bike, go to the gym, or play a sport.
6. TAKE YOUR HEALTH SERIOUSLY BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT DUTY BUT YOU.
A good example is if your employer or social organization offers free or low-cost programs to make you successful. If your employee wellness program has free exercise classes, try asking a co-worker or a friend to go too. Save money on a gym membership and do this program as often as you can.
7. INSPIRE OTHERS TO MOTIVATE YOU.
You are more likely to set goals and meet them if other people are monitoring your progress. If you don’t think that your boss will check an assignment, you won’t do it, or at least you would pay less attention to detail. Right? If you need to get regularly checked for certain diseases, make the appointment. Ask a loved one or a friend to remind you. He or she could even go to the appointment, so you feel likely to follow up.
8. PRACTICE SHOWING YOUR GRATITUDE EVERY DAY.
This will help you live longer. This means that you take the time to acknowledge what you are thankful for. In some cases, it could mean actually taking time to thank someone for his or her contribution to your success. Start with your parents!
9. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY.
Your body has many built-in ways to help you succeed. If you ignore signs of pain, for example, a fixable problem could worsen. If you pay attention to what your body tells you, there could be time to change bad daily habits. You could also seek medical treatment to address that information.
10. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE.
It’s hard to find success in isolation. Seek out opportunities to exchange ideas with other people. They can be like-minded even if they are working on the same project as you. It’s also recommended to find people with differing views. Any view that diverges from your own ideas will undoubtedly challenge you to consider a situation or problem from different angles. People who aren’t afraid to test your ideas are your equals.
11. NEVER CONSIDER YOURSELF ABOVE OTHERS.
Success is fleeting. Anyone can succeed or fail on a daily basis. The people who find long-term happiness aren’t afraid to fail. They see each challenge as a learning opportunity and know they learn more from failure.
12. PUT OTHERS IN A POSITION TO SUCCEED AND MAKE A SIGNIFICANT CONTRIBUTION TO THE TEAM.
You will find more success by using daily habits such as bringing others along with you towards a shared goal. Four-term U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt was known for having the best people in his Cabinet.
President Roosevelt surrounded himself with talent from everywhere. He used to have fireside chats with the American public over the public radio. Once, he famously said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” A top speechwriter on Delano’s staff coined that often-cited famous quote.
Recognize when others have more talents that can be used to solve a problem. Don’t be afraid to give credit to others and step down if you aren’t the best candidate for the task.
13. TRY TO BECOME AN EARLY BIRD.
Give yourself an earlier start to the day. This starts by going to bed early. When you wake up, eat a good meal and get started on the day’s agenda. At night, you end up feeling that you have accomplished a lot. You feel successful because you have practiced good daily habits. You feel more likely to achieve tomorrow’s goals.
14. PROTECT YOUR BODY TO PREVENT DISEASES.
It makes sense that we will find more success if we try to avoid people who make us feel bad about ourselves or stress us out. If you are going to work outside, you need to wear sunblock and prevent skin cancer. If you work a stressful job, you need to schedule breaks and vacations. Both examples are based on the premise: Please don’t expose your body to unnecessary harm. It only takes a few minutes to practice prevention each day.
ADOPT THESE DAILY HABITS, DRIVE TOWARDS SUCCESS
Each type of daily habit that we have described above is meant for your own improved health and well-being. People with good habits feel better about themselves.
People who enjoy a level of success feel healthier. Thus, they attend work more. They also take more recreation time. They feel hopeful about the future. It’s easier for them to solve problems. If they can’t solve a problem, they ask someone who can help. They enjoy the company of others, and these same people help them out when they are down.
If you can make small changes in your habits, you will feel better. It’s possible to become happier too! Help yourself feel better most of the time! You are worth it!
The alternative to good daily habits is poor habits. These will bring you down. Wrong choices will make you feel like you are less able to get through the day. Some poor habits, such as over-eating, substance abuse, and smoking, will, at a minimum, cause long-term damage to your body. This can decrease your life expectancy, which means you will have fewer years to enjoy your loved ones. Give yourself every opportunity to live a long and happy life filled with success by making good choices!
optimism-equals-success

The 7 Strengths and Habits
That Successful People Possess

There’s no secret recipe that will make you a successful person, but these seven strengths and habits can greatly increase your chances of success.
Finding and developing success within yourself can come easily when you look at the strengths and habits of other successful people. The attributes of successful people don’t develop overnight and didn’t just happen by accident — although they may make it look effortless.
Successful people continue to work on their success habits as part of a daily routine so that success becomes a way of life. Let’s walk through seven of the most important strengths and habits of successful people.
1. They have a success-driven mindset and the passion to achieve
Successful people have a strong will to succeed and achieve in life. They look forward to growth and have a deeply rooted desire to do much more than the average person. These people take action to make positive changes and move outside their comfort zone. Even when their attempts fail, they can quickly see opportunities that surround them, adjust when things go wrong and move in a new direction.
Unsuccessful people, on the other hand, feel defeated, throw their hands up in the air and give up way too soon.
2. They are self-aware and have self-confidence
Successful people face challenges with confidence and trust their skills and knowledge. Even when they don’t have the right skills or knowledge to begin with, they move forward with enthusiasm and commitment to succeed despite the odds. Successful people have a strong sense of self, which allows them to make stronger commitments. They are comfortable speaking their minds. Successful people stand up, speak out and enjoy sharing ideas and opinions.
Unsuccessful people who lack confidence are often unwilling to open up and speak up, which holds them back and causes missed opportunities.
3. They are vision-focused and achievement-oriented
Successful people create a clear vision for goals and take action toward achieving that vision, which doesn’t allow anything to stand in their way. A strong vision serves as a guideline to keep them motivated and on track to achieving their goals. They set and conquer smaller goals first and then move on to bigger and bolder benchmarks so they can hit larger targets.
Unsuccessful people are frequently unclear, unfocused and misguided, so they often waste time and money getting to their goals or even missing the targets altogether.
4. They value time wisely
Successful people are extremely productive. They value and use their time wisely and don’t allow others to take advantage of or waste their time. They create barriers around their time by adding structure and systems into their businesses, which are respected by clients and peers. They clearly understand that time is their most valuable asset.
Unsuccessful people waste time doing unproductive things that don’t allow for effective growth and give away their time too freely to others. Therefore, they create fewer income-generating opportunities.
5. They own it!
Successful people build a solid business and brand foundation that sets them apart from the competition. They are known as experts and authorities within their respective industries. They own their business and their brand, which allows them to easily maximize their avenues to success.
Unsuccessful competitors either do things like everyone else, lack a success plan to build on, or do just enough to survive.
6. They think differently than the average person
Successful people think differently. They look one step — or more — into the future and see opportunities everywhere. They think outside the box and come up with creative and innovative ways of doing business.
Unsuccessful people follow the crowd or wait to copy other people’s ideas, so they usually remain one step behind the competition.
7. They love what they do
Successful people don’t think of work as work. They take pleasure in their business and love what they do for a living. This gives them a sense of achievement and happiness that fulfills their definition of success.
Unsuccessful people see work as survival, and they work simply to earn a living. Most don’t enjoy what they do for a living and consider what they do to be a J-O-B.
Debbie Allen
Speaker, Business Mentor & Author
November 6, 2019 
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More links about SUCCESS ~


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To Flourish, Humans Are Motivated by Four Universal Needs

Are you satisfying these needs at work? Could you?

The Big 4 Universal Needs Related to Flourishing

Different writers may use varied terminology to describe what has become known as the “Big 4” universal human needs or motivations. I’ve taken the liberty of using pairs of terms that each start with the letter C, with hopes that doing so makes them more memorable. (There is no particular order of importance on this list.)

  • The first we might refer to as Contribution or Calling. That is, we need to feel as though our life has meaning or purpose. That isn’t to say that it has to be a grandiose sense of importance, but rather that what we do means something to others or to the world generally; that what we do is productive and purposeful.
  • The second universal need we might call Choice or Control. Generally we prefer more rather than less choice and more control over what we do and how we do it. In fact, humans tend to actively resist encroachment on their autonomy.
  • The third universal need could be termed Competence or Capability. That is, it is important to feel as though we do a pretty good job at what is important to us, and perhaps at least as important is the perception that we are improving or have opportunities to grow more effective.
  • Last on our list is Connection or Community. It’s not that we need to be liked by everyone, but it is important to have a set of people who like and respect us; a group we consider our tribe.

These Big 4 universal needs or motivations apply to all of us, but there is probably variation in their relative importance to each person. If I asked you to rank order the four from most to least important, your rankings would probably not perfectly match mine.

needs

How to Use the Big 4 Yourself

Knowing about the Big 4 allows us to use them as a checklist for evaluating our current job, a possible promotion, or a potential new job. It’s not a must that our job satisfies all four needs, but given how much time we spend at work, it would be ideal if it did. The greater the extent to which all four needs are connected to your work, the greater your likely job satisfaction. To promote retention, job satisfaction, and professional development for those you lead or supervise, consider how the Big 4 needs relate to each person’s roles and tasks and modify accordingly.

What if your work doesn’t satisfy one or more of the essential motivations? Are there other aspects of your life that do, or that could? Are there ways you might alter your work in light of what aspects of the Big 4 seem lacking? If not, are there possibilities for a more rewarding move, either inside or outside your organization?

Of course it is possible to maintain a position that does not offer much with regard to satisfaction of the Big 4 needs, and your choice to do so may have to do with meeting other needs (like a reasonable income). However, to flourish, it is worth asking, at least on occasion, how the Big 4 relate to your current situation, with an eye toward proactively making changes to maximize your engagement and life satisfaction.

Michael W. Wiederman Ph.D. Mindful Professional Development

August 21, 2022 |  Reviewed by Gary Drevitch

source: www.psychologytoday.com


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A Connection Between a ‘Calm Mind’ and Better Capacity for Self-Control

Summary: People with greater self-control have calmer minds, which in itself generates fewer distractions from stimuli.

People who have a “calmer mind”—that is, their neuronal processes take longer on average and whirl around less than others—have greater self-control.

This was the finding of Dr. Tobias Kleinert, Prof. Dr. Markus Heinrichs and Dr. Bastian Schiller from the Department of Psychology at the University of Freiburg, together with Prof. Dr. Kyle Nash and Dr. Josh Leota from the University of Alberta/Canada, and Prof. Dr. Thomas König from the University Hospital of Bern/Switzerland.

Their research is being published in the journal Psychological Science. The paper has been accepted and is already available online as a preprint.

“Self-controlled behavior is important to achieving long-term objectives—for example when we do without high-calorie food to lose surplus pounds,” explains Schiller.

Why is this easier for some people than for others? Are these individual differences based in a fundamentally different organization of the brain?

To find answers to these questions, the Freiburg researchers recorded the electrical activity in the brains of over 50 relaxed yet wakeful participants in the laboratory.

The scientists also recorded the participants’ capacity for self-control in other ways: self-evaluation reports, behavioral tasks and the brain activity recorded while they did these tasks. The results of the study carried out at the University of Freiburg were confirmed in a second cooperative study that took place at the University of Alberta/Canada, with more than 100 subjects.

“On both sides of the Atlantic we were able to prove a robust connection between non-task-dependent neuronal processing and the capacity for self-control,” explains Kleinert.

Schiller says, “Our results indicate that people with greater self-control have a calmer mind, which in itself generates fewer distracting stimuli.”

Heinrichs adds that “these findings are hugely significant to a better understanding of clinical disorders associated with deficient self-control processes.”

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Abstract

A Self-Controlled Mind is Reflected by Stable Mental Processing

Self-control–the ability to inhibit inappropriate impulses–predicts economic, physical, and psychological well-being. However, recent findings demonstrate low correlations among self-control measures, raising the questions what self-control actually is.

Here, we examine the idea that people high in self-control show more stable mental processing, characterized by fewer, but longer lasting processing steps due to fewer interruptions by distracting impulses.

To test this hypothesis, we relied on resting EEG microstate analysis, a method that provides access to the stream of mental processing by assessing the sequential activation of neural networks.

Across two samples (N1=58 male adults from Germany; N2=101 adults from Canada [58 females]), the temporal stability of resting networks (i.e., longer durations and fewer occurrences) was positively associated with self-reported self-control and a neural index of inhibitory control, and negatively associated with risk-taking behavior.

These findings suggest that stable mental processing represents a core feature of a self-controlled mind.

 

University of Freiburg    August 15, 2022

Original Research:  “A Self-Controlled Mind is Reflected by Stable Mental Processing” by Tobias Kleinert et al. Psychological Science

source: neurosciencenews.com


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Make Sustainable Lifestyle Changes Instead of New Year’s Resolutions

When January 1st rolls around, many people commit to making changes to their lifestyle, especially those that relate to their health. Whether someone’s goal is to lose weight, eat less sugar, exercise more, or drink less alcohol, the start of a new year seems like the perfect time to “turn over a new leaf.”

Unfortunately, studies show that New Year’s resolutions are often pretty unsuccessful; it’s estimated that between 80 and 90% of New Year’s resolutions are never fulfilled!

Many give up on their newfound goals and resort to old habits by the end of February, usually because their resolutions are somewhat unrealistic and lead to burnout and disappointment.

What’s a better way to improve things like your diet, weight, and activity level? Experts tell us that making small changes is the best approach, as well as celebrating our success along the way.

Why Resolutions Don’t Work As Well As Slower, Sustainable Changes

If you find yourself making promises to turn your life and health around this year, then you’re not alone. In North America about half of adults make New Year’s resolutions each year.

One reason why January feels like the perfect time to adopt new habits is because of the indulgences associated with the holidays; many find themselves eating, spending, and drinking more at the end of the year, but sleeping and exercising less.

One way that people rationalize their poor habits during the holidays is by stating that they’ll change and improve once the new year rolls around. Typically, this mindset only serves as an excuse to make poor choices.

So what’s wrong with resolutions then? Why do they so often fail to lead to lasting changes?

Here are some of the reasons that experts believe over-ambitious resolutions may wind up backfiring:

  • Motivation usually declines after the first few months, and often it’s extrinsic motivation (such as to impress others) rather than intrinsic (self-motivated).
  • A clear action plan is never established, rather goals remain ambiguous.
  • People don’t think long-term; James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, estimates that it takes most people between two to eight months to develop a new habit.
  • Stress and interference aren’t taken into account.
  • Unmet milestones can wind up lowering self-trust and self-confidence, making it harder to push forward.
small-steps-can-lead-to-big-changes

To make new habits stick this year, here is what experts recommend focusing on instead:

1. Set small goals

Begin with small challenges that seem doable, rather than over-promising that you’ll make drastic improvements. Once you’ve gotten better at keeping up with a new habit, set the bar a bit higher as the months go by.

Write down your goals and be specific, as this has been shown to improve the odds of you following through with them. Ask yourself what specific steps you can start taking to eventually reach a bigger goal.

As Forbes Magazine puts it, “keep in mind that choosing realistic goals or resolutions and achieving them improves our mindset. Even a small victory is still a victory.”

2. Be realistic about your schedule and capabilities

If you want a habit to stick, you have to figure out how to make it fit into your life. Make your habits as simple, automatic, and stress-free as possible.

For example, determine the easiest place and time to exercise, or the best day to do healthy grocery shopping.

Remove as many interferences and obstacles as possible, such as lack of motivation at the end of a busy day (which may mean hitting the gym in the morning instead).

3. Plan for how you’ll handle stress

While you might feel very motivated at first to tackle your goals, eventually you’ll lose some steam and life will get in the way. We all deal with stress and difficult feelings at times that make healthy habits hard to sustain, whether due to feeling anxious, depressed, frustrated, fatigued, or bored.

Plan ahead for setbacks and stressors. Identify situations that tend to trigger you so you understand your patterns better. Come up with ways to overcome things like a busy schedule or trips that involve dining out more.

The more you can plan ahead, the better you’ll be able to handle whatever comes your way.

4. Sustain motivation by celebrating your successes

Small changes made today that are sustained will yield larger results in the long run. This is why every success is something to celebrate, even if it’s something small like replacing one unhealthy meal with a better one each day.

Find ways to give yourself immediate positive feedback while you’re on your journey.

Take pictures of your progress, write down fitness goals you’ve reached, or track anything else that makes you feel proud, such as your weight, measurements, or other health markers. This builds confidence and trust in yourself which is important for pushing you forward.

Consider rewarding yourself along the way when you’ve reached a milestone, even if it’s something small like a massage, manicure, or day off of work to have fun.

Examples of Healthy “Lifestyle Changes” To Make This Year

  • Ready to set some realistic goals during the New Year? Consider focusing on some of these changes that can lead to substantial health improvements when practiced over time:
  • Cut out major sources of added sugar from your diet, such as soda, desserts, candy, or energy drinks.
  • Remove specific foods from your diet that tempt you to overeat, such as pizza, french fries, chips, etc. Alcohol is another substance that you may want to commit to cutting back on.
  • Carve out 1-2 hours per week to food prep healthy meals at home.
  • Identify ways that you can swap one unhealthy habit for a better one, such as by going to bed one hour earlier rather than watching more TV.
  • Find and join a local gym or fitness studio and sign up for several months of classes ahead of time if possible.
  • Consider hiring a personal trainer if you know that a partner helps you stay accountable. Asking your partner/spouse for help to clear up your schedule, or joining a fitness/diet challenge with co-workers or friends is another way to gain support.
  • Buy a fitness tracker and aim to walk 8K to 12K steps per day.
  • Prioritize sleep, aiming for 7 to 9 hours every night.

Source: www.activefitblog.com


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Whether people inform themselves or remain ignorant is due to three factors

People choose whether to seek or avoid information about their health, finances and personal traits based on how they think it will make them feel, how useful it is, and if it relates to things they think about often, finds a new study.

People choose whether to seek or avoid information about their health, finances and personal traits based on how they think it will make them feel, how useful it is, and if it relates to things they think about often, finds a new study by UCL researchers.

Most people fall into one of three ‘information-seeking types’: those that mostly consider the impact of information on their feelings when deciding whether to get informed, those that mostly consider how useful information will be for making decisions, and those that mostly seek information about issues they think about often, according to the findings published in Nature Communications.

Co-lead author Professor Tali Sharot (UCL Psychology & Language Sciences and Max Planck UCL Centre for Computational Psychiatry and Ageing Research) said: “Vast amounts of information are now available to individuals. This includes everything from information about your genetic make-up to information about social issues and the economy. We wanted to find out: how do people decide what they want to know? And why do some people actively seek out information, for example about COVID vaccines, financial inequality and climate change, and others don’t?

“The information people decide to expose themselves to has important consequences for their health, finance and relationships. By better understanding why people choose to get informed, we could develop ways to convince people to educate themselves.”

The researchers conducted five experiments with 543 research participants, to gauge what factors influence information-seeking.

In one of the experiments, participants were asked how much they would like to know about health information, such as whether they had an Alzheimer’s risk gene or a gene conferring a strong immune system. In another experiment, they were asked whether they wanted to see financial information, such as exchange rates or what income percentile they fall into, and in another one, whether they would have liked to learn how their family and friends rated them on traits such as intelligence and laziness.

Later, participants were asked how useful they thought the information would be, how they expected it would make them feel, and how often they thought about each subject matter in question.

Confirmation-Bias

The researchers found that people choose to seek information based on these three factors: expected utility, emotional impact, and whether it was relevant to things they thought of often. This three-factor model best explained decisions to seek or avoid information compared to a range of other alternative models tested.

Some participants repeated the experiments a couple of times, months apart. The researchers found that most people prioritise one of the three motives (feelings, usefulness, frequency of thought) over the others, and their specific tendency remained relatively stable across time and domains, suggesting that what drives each person to seek information is ‘trait-like’.

In two experiments, participants also filled out a questionnaire to gauge their general mental health. The researchers found that when people sought information about their own traits, participants who mostly wanted to know about traits they thought about often, reported better mental health.

Co-lead author, PhD student Christopher Kelly (UCL Psychology & Language Sciences and Max Planck UCL Centre for Computational Psychiatry and Ageing Research) said: “By understanding people’s motivations to seek information, policy makers may be able to increase the likelihood that people will engage with and benefit from vital information. For example, if policy makers highlight the potential usefulness of their message and the positive feelings that it may elicit, they may improve the effectiveness of their message.

“The research can also help policy makers decide whether information, for instance on food labels, needs to be disclosed, by describing how to fully assess the impact of information on welfare. At the moment policy-makers overlook the impact of information on people’s emotions or ability to understand the world around them, and focus only on whether information can guide decisions.”

The study was funded by Wellcome.

December 3, 2021      University College London

Story Source:

Materials provided by University College London. Note: Content may be edited for style and length.

Journal Reference:

Christopher. A. Kelly, Tali Sharot. Individual differences in information-seeking. Nature Communications,
2021; 12 (1) DOI: 10.1038/s41467-021-27046-5

source: www.sciencedaily.com


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How To Create A Morning Routine That Reduces Anxiety And Stress

The self-care rituals you practice in the morning
can improve your mental health for the rest of the day.

As a person who’s dealt with anxiety since I was a kid, I find that I’m often most anxious first thing in the morning. When I open my eyes, all of the worries and potential stressors that await me flood my mind. The pit in my stomach makes me want to stay in bed as long as I can so I don’t have to face the day ahead.

Of course, this avoidance only exacerbates what I’m feeling. What alleviates it is just the opposite: Getting up on the earlier side so I have time for my morning routine. These days, that’s making an iced coffee, taking my dog for a walk, following a short workout video, writing my to-do list for the day and ― when time permits ― meditating and journaling.

“Morning routines are powerful and set our pattern for the rest of the day,” Lee Chambers, an environmental psychologist and well-being consultant in Britain, told HuffPost. “A worry-filled morning will often flood into an anxious afternoon.” Conversely, starting the morning with intention creates a sense of calm and confidence that makes the rest of the day seem more manageable.

So how do you create those morning rituals that will quiet your racing mind and stick with them? Below, experts offer some helpful advice.

How to start a solid morning routine

Be realistic about how much you can dedicate to your morning routine. 

Consider how much time you can realistically carve out for yourself.

“We all have a period of the morning that we have some level of control over,” Chambers said. “For some people, that may be an hour, for others, it may be 20 minutes.”

For example, if you have young kids or a long commute to the office, you may have less time to work with. So figure out what’s realistic for your circumstances.

Waking up earlier may help your mornings feel less frazzled. That said, you shouldn’t force yourself into becoming an early riser at the expense of getting a full night’s rest. Remember that sleep plays a pivotal role in your emotional regulation.

“Often we hear of routines that start in the early hours of the morning,” Chambers said. “For some people, this is a high-energy time and a perfect time to start your routine. But if you’re limiting your sleep or you just don’t function well so early, it is going to be detrimental.”

Experiment to figure out which rituals work best for you.

Finding out which morning routine additions alleviate your anxiety may take some trial and error. What works for your partner, friend or that random influencer you follow on Instagram may or may not work for you.

“Think about your biggest stressors and problems that trigger your anxiety, and then consider what really helps in these situations,” Chambers said. “Then look to those activities and experiment. There are many ways and methods to exercise, plan, journal, listen and read, and some will feel just right for you.”

Make it easy and enjoyable so you stick with it.

You don’t need to come up with some elaborate 20-step process to reap the benefits of a morning routine (but, hey, if you want to, more power to you).

“Morning routines are most effective when we enjoy them and they are easy to integrate into our lives,” Chambers said. “They are not about completely changing what we do, but adding small, positive changes that compound together.”

“Morning routines are most effective when we enjoy them and they are easy to integrate into our lives.”

– LEE CHAMBERS, ENVIRONMENTAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND WELL-BEING CONSULTANT

One way to make the morning smoother? Do some preparation the night before, like laying out your workout clothes, whipping up a make-ahead breakfast or putting your journal by your coffeemaker.

“Leave things to trigger you to remember, make what you need accessible and craft a space where it is possible,” Chambers said.

But know that you’re not going to execute your routine perfectly every day ― and that’s OK.

You might be on a roll for a couple of weeks and then fall off for a few days. If you mentally prepare for these hiccups, you’ll be less likely to beat yourself up when they happen.

“It’s easy to move into judgment and criticism of yourself when things don’t go as you would have wanted or when you don’t immediately want to jump out of bed in the morning to start a new routine,” said marriage and family therapist Lynsie Seely of Wellspace SF in San Francisco. “Expect that there will be difficult moments and connect with your internal voice that offers kind words and encouragement along the way.”

And when you do follow your routine, give yourself some praise.

“Celebrate a little,” Chambers said. “Similarly, when you miss it, be kind to yourself and get prepared for the following morning.”

Some habits worth trying to incorporate into your morning

Here are some expert-recommend practices to reduce anxiety. Experiment to see what works well for you and then narrow it down. 

We asked mental health professionals to recommend some practices that help soothe anxiety. Try out a few of these and check in with how you feel afterwards — but know that it may take some time to see the benefits. Then you can determine if you want to add any to your a.m. routine.

1. Start your day by drinking water.

Before you have your tea or coffee, hydrate with a glass of a water as soon as you wake up.

“It gives us increased cognitive function, allowing us more clarity of mind, can elevate our mood and energy, and promotes more balanced emotional regulation and takes less than a minute,” Chambers said. “And it’s a great habit to stack your next part of the routine into, and you can even prepare your water the evening before.”

2. Walk outside.

Taking a walk outdoors is a calming, grounding way to begin the day.

“It is also great as it gets sunlight into our eyes, stimulating serotonin, which boosts our mood,” Chambers said. “It also ignites our senses, as the wind hits our face, sounds of the environment fill our ears and we smell the external world. It makes us mindful and eases our worries in the process.”

3. Practice gratitude.

Take a moment to reflect on all of the good in your life. You can list a few things in your head, share them with a partner or child, or write them down in a journal.

“Start your day with a grateful heart before you even get up from bed,” said Renato Perez, a Los Angeles psychotherapist. “Start naming all the things you’re grateful for. This could be done through prayer or simply a list you say out loud to the universe or Mother Nature.”

4. Try to avoid checking your phone first thing.

Those work emails, text messages, Instagram notifications and news alerts can wait a bit. If you charge your phone by your bed or use it as an alarm clock, you’re going to look at it right when you wake up. Before you know it, you’re sucked in and two minutes of scrolling turns into 20. Try charging your phone across the room so it’s not within reach. Or charge it outside of the bedroom and use an alarm clock instead.

“I see so many people who immediately check their work email in the morning, which automatically puts them in ‘work mode’ and makes them feel anxious about the day ahead before they even get out of bed,” said Gina Delucca, a clinical psychologist at Wellspace SF. “Similarly, some people hop on social media or start reading news articles while lying in bed, which may trigger anxiety by reading or seeing something negative or scary.”

That doesn’t mean you have to avoid your phone altogether, which just isn’t realistic for most of us. “But I definitely recommend giving yourself some peace and quiet in the morning before the daily grind begins,” Delucca added.

5. Take some deep breaths.

When you’re anxious, you might notice your breathing is quick and shallow, rather than slow and deep.

“This is a part of our body’s natural stress response, and it coincides with a few of the other physical sensations you may notice when you feel anxious — like rapid heart rate, dizziness and upset stomach,” Delucca said. “While we don’t have voluntary control over some of these bodily sensations, we do have control over our breathing, and we can use our breath to help induce a more relaxed state.”

“Morning routines are powerful and set our pattern for the rest of the day.”

– LEE CHAMBERS, ENVIRONMENTAL PSYCHOLOGIST AND WELL-BEING CONSULTANT

Those deep, nourishing inhalations and exhalations stimulate the parasympathetic nervous system, producing a sense of calm.

“To begin, try to spend a few minutes each morning sitting or lying in a comfortable position, closing your eyes and taking a few slow, controlled, deep breaths,” Delucca said. “Try breathing in through your nose and then breathing out through either your nose or mouth. When you inhale, imagine that you are filling up a balloon in your abdomen rather than just breathing into your chest.”

6. Meditate.

“There is no better way to quiet the mind than by practicing meditation,” Perez said. “Start small — two to three minutes — and increment every week.”

When your mind wanders away, which it inevitably will, gently bring it back to your breath.

You can sit in silence, listen to relaxing music, do a guided mediation through an app like Calm, Headspace or Insight Timer, or find one on YouTube

You can also try repeating a mantra — “I am safe, and I will be OK,” is one Delucca suggested. Or do a body scan: Start at the top of your head, bringing awareness to each body part and releasing tension from that area as you slowly work your way down to your toes.

7. Eat a nourishing breakfast.

“Our mood is highly influenced by what we eat,” Chambers said.

Opt for a balanced breakfast that contains protein, healthful fats, fiber and complex carbohydrates — think a vegetable omelet with avocado toast or oatmeal with nut butter, berries and chia seeds. Refined carbohydrates, such as doughnuts and sugary cereals, can lead to a blood sugar spike and crash, “causing challenges with emotional regulation, which may leave you feeling anxious,” Chambers added. (That said, if the occasional croissant or chocolate chip muffin brings some joy to your morning, it’s totally fine. Food is meant to be enjoyed, after all.)

8. Read a few pages from a book.

Rather than reading news or catching up on your social media feeds early in the morning, Perez recommends picking up a book that inspires you and reading for a few minutes ― even just five pages.

“Find a book that really speaks to you and makes you feel good,” he said.

9. Move your body.

It could be yoga, walking, running, dancing, cycling, strength-training or even stretching.

“When you exercise in the morning, you may notice improved focus and energy during the rest of the day, as well as better sleep at night, which can also help to tame anxiety,” Delucca said. “In addition, exercising in the morning can enhance your mood by giving you a boost of endorphins and a sense of accomplishment at the start of your day.”

It’s worth noting that some people report that certain workouts, especially very intense ones, actually stoke their anxiety rather than reduce it. So just be aware of that.

“We react differently to exercise, and it is a stressor,” Chambers said. “Exercising with too much intensity for some people can lead them to become fatigued and more likely to feel anxious.”

10. Do some visualization.

A visualization practice can help you set the desired tone for your day. If you’re feeling anxious and distracted, perhaps you’d like to feel calm, focused and empowered instead. Seely recommends calling on a memory that evokes that feeling for you. Tune into the small details and sensations of the experience.

“For example, if I’m visualizing a memory where I hiked up to the peak of a mountain and I’m overlooking the summit, I might notice the details of the incredible view, the sounds of nature around me, the feel of my muscles after climbing the steep terrain, the smell and temperature of the air, the sensation of feeling accomplished, proud, unstoppable,” she said. “Really getting into every sensation of the memory helps your body to soak in the experience and primes your physiology for that particular state of being ― in this example, empowered and ready to take on the day.”

And if you can’t think of a specific memory, allow yourself to daydream and build the desired experience in your imagination.

How to stick to your morning routine

“You’re more likely to follow through on behavior change when you set clear and specific goals versus vague aspirations,” said psychologist Gina Delucca. 

You may think your biggest stumbling blocks are a lack of willpower or hitting the snooze button half a dozen times. But often it “comes down to a lack of clarity with the routine,” Delucca said.

“You’re more likely to follow through on behavior change when you set clear and specific goals versus vague aspirations,” she added.

So instead of saying something general, like, “I want to work out in the morning,” make the goal more concrete: “I’m going to do a virtual yoga class at 7:30 a.m. after I finish my tea.”

Delucca also recommends getting up around the same time each day and outlining what specific activities you want to incorporate into your routine and in what order. It may help to write them down.

“When you do something repeatedly in the same order, you can eventually develop a habit,” Delucca said. “When a habit is formed, you’re not solely relying on how you feel in the moment in terms of your mood, motivation or willpower. Habits feel automatic without any guesswork as to what you should do next.”

She offered the example of taking a shower. You likely shampoo, condition, shave and wash your body in a specific order without giving it much thought.

“It’s automatic because the routine is clear and you’ve created a habit in which one action flows directly into the next action without any questioning,” Delucca said. “So, try to be as specific and consistent as possible when creating a morning routine. Each activity will serve as a cue for the next, and with time, your morning routine will flow.”

Kelsey Borresen – Senior Reporter, HuffPost Life        09/16/2020 

source:  www.huffingtonpost.ca

 

breakfast
 
 

5 Habits You Should Avoid
First Thing In The Morning

Don’t make these mistakes when you wake up.
Here’s what to avoid in your a.m. routine and what to do instead.
 
A few simple changes to your morning habits
can make a big difference in your overall well-being.
 
A good morning routine is a foundational part of self-care, affecting everything from your energy levels and productivity to the state of your skin.
 
But it is easy to fall into less-than-ideal habits without even realizing it ― particularly during a global pandemic when we are collectively coping with much bigger issues and routines have long gone out the window.
 
Fortunately, it’s pretty easy to get back on track. We asked experts for some of the most common morning routine mistakes and easy fixes to try instead.
 

Mistake #1: Hitting The Snooze Button

More than half of Americans say they hit the snooze button daily, so know that if you do too, you’re in good company. Also, it’s really not your fault. Growing research suggests that workdays and school days start too early, causing millions of kids and adults to lose out on the hours of sleep their brains and bodies need. So trying to sneak in a few last-minute ZZZs might seem like your only recourse. But alas, it doesn’t work.
 
“It’s so tempting to keep hitting snooze,” said Niket Sonpal, a New York City-based internist and faculty member with the Touro College of Medicine. “But it’s not beneficial.”
 
That’s because the extra minutes you eke out at that point aren’t actually restorative, even if they feel good at the time.
 
Plus, you could be disrupting the longer periods of REM sleep that tend to happen early in the morning. And frequent interruptions to the natural sleep cycle have been linked to range of both mental effects (like cognitive issues and depression) as well as physical ones (like metabolic problems).
 
“If you want some extra time in the morning, a better idea would be to set your clock ahead 15 minutes and wake up the minute it goes off,” Sonpal said. “If you have to set a really annoying alarm tone, then do so.”
 

Mistake #2: Letting Your Mind Be ‘Directed’ By Your Phone

Another big morning mistake people make is reaching for their phones while they’re still under the covers, said Naomi Parrella, a primary care physician with Rush University Medical Group.
 
If the very first thing you do in the morning is check email, look at social media or scan the day’s headlines, you’re essentially letting things outside of your control “hijack” your very first thoughts and feelings, Parrella said.
 
You’re giving your mind “inputs that are effectively somebody else deciding for you what goes in your brain,” she said. And she is worried that people have become almost “addicted” to the up-and-down news cycle.
 
So now is the time to be diligent about boundaries. It’s OK if you reach for your phone first thing in the morning because it’s your alarm; it’s not great if you’re picking it up to immediately connect to the outside world.
 
Take a few deep breaths instead. Do some stretches. Say “hi” to your partner or kids. Drink some water.
 
Set boundaries with your devices by not doomscrolling when you first get up.
 

Mistake #3: Filling Up On Sugar Right Away

“Sugar and super, ultra-processed breakfast foods cause a hormonal shift in the body,” Parrella said. “Now you’re going to be on this roller coaster of being hungry, being moody, possibly having a sugar crash.”
 
The average North American consumes 77 grams of sugar a day, according to the American Heart Association, which is about three times the recommended daily amount for women. (The recommended amount is slightly higher for men.) And experts tend to warn that breakfast is the most problematic meal of the day when it comes to added sugar thanks to common offerings like sweetened coffee and tea, cereals, syrup, breakfast bars, sugary smoothies and yogurts, and on and on.
 
So what does “too much” actually mean? Public health guidelines are a good starting point, but Parrella doesn’t like to be too prescriptive or harsh. Basically, the more sugar you can cut out of your morning routine, the better.
 
“If you want to really start the day strong and solid and anchored, it’s really helpful if you can cut out the sugar completely,” she urged — but that’s not necessary.
 
Sugar isn’t the devil, it’s just recommended that you choose wisely when to enjoy it. And if you do have a sugar-heavy morning, try incorporating some movement into your routine right after.
 
“You might go for a little walk, you might do some sun salutations or a few yoga moves, but the worst would be to go from [eating sugar] to sitting at your chair or in the car for hours on end,” Parrella said.
 

Mistake #4: Not Washing Your face Properly Or Using SPF

One morning mishap that really bothers some skin care experts? Not washing your face because you did it the night before, said Stacy Chimento, a Miami-based dermatologist with Riverchase Dermatology.
 
There is a chance your skin can pick up yucky stuff at night, like dead skin cells that collect on your pillowcase or dust that might be circulating in your sleep space while you get those ZZZs. (One stomach-churning investigation suggested that our pillows have as many microbes as our toilet seats.)
 
We must note that this tip is a little contentious: Some dermatologists say it’s not strictly necessary to wash your face with products in the morning if you’ve done a thorough job the night before. Using soap or cleansers multiple times might dry out your skin.
 
If you do go that route, take note of the water temp. “Although it might be tempting to wash your face with very cold water to wake yourself up, the temperature of the water should not be extreme,” Chimento said. “Wash with lukewarm water. Most people are rushing in the morning. Take care not to tug at your skin or be overzealous if you are exfoliating your face.”
 
Whatever you choose, make sure to slather on plenty of SPF. “You need at least a teaspoon to cover your whole face,” Chimento said — as well as your neck and chest.
 

Mistake #5: Completely Overlooking Your Mental Well-Being

The mornings can be rough: You’re tired, you’re often rushing or balancing walking pets, getting kids out the door and catching up on last-minute deadlines.
 
However, “if you don’t start the day right, you can spend the next few hours trying to work your way out of a ‘funk,’” Sonpal said — and she urges everyone to make sure they find even a few moments to tend to their well-being.
 
The strategies you use can be quite simple. “Open the blinds or shades wherever you can in your home to let in natural light,” Sonpal said. Then find a few moments to stretch, to meditate, to write in a gratitude journal or just connect, in a positive way, with a loved one.
 
One recent research paper that offered brief, actionable steps people can take every day to boost well-being pointed to the potential benefits of just taking a few deep breaths or spending a few moments focusing on the qualities you admire about a friend or loved one. Those kinds of quick and easy exercises can set you up for the day and train your brain over time.
 
“Not everyone is a ‘morning person,’” Sonpal said. But “if you establish the right routine, you can help yourself to function better.”
 
 
Catherine Pearson   02/10/2021
 
 


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10 Exercises That Can Make You Mentally Stronger

Building a little mental muscle could have a big impact on your life.

If you want to lift heavier objects, you need more physical strength. Large biceps and a strong back will go a long way toward helping you do the heavy lifting.

Well, the same can be said for your mental muscles. If you want to be able to tackle bigger challenges and overcome more obstacles, you need more mental strength.

Like physical muscles, your mental muscles require a good workout. And these 10 exercises can help you start developing the mental strength you need to crush your goals.

1. Reframe negative thoughts.

If you are having catastrophic thoughts like “This will never work,” then replace them with something more realistic, like “If I work hard, I’ll improve my chances of success.”

It’s true that everyone has bad days that lead to negative thoughts. But by searching for positive and realistic expectations, you can eliminate these damaging pessimistic thoughts and better equip yourself to manage the bad days.

2. Create goals.

It’s fun to aim high and dream big. But setting your sights too high will likely lead to disappointment.

Rather than set out to lose 100 pounds, focus on losing five first. When you crush that goal, you’ll be more motivated to lose the next five pounds.

Every goal you achieve gives you confidence in your own ability to be successful. This will also help you identify which goals are not challenging enough and which ones are unrealistically ambitious.

3. Set yourself up for success.

You don’t need to subject yourself to temptations every day to stay mentally strong. Modify your environment from time to time. Make life a little easier.

Put your running sneakers next to the bed if you want to work out in the morning. Remove the junk food from your pantry if your goal is to eat healthier. Little things like this will go a long way toward keeping you from exhausting your own mental energy and setting yourself up for success.

4. Do at least one difficult thing each day.

Improvement doesn’t come about by accident. You need to challenge yourself on purpose. Make sure to analyze your own boundaries, though, since everyone has a different idea of what is challenging.

Have the courage to pick something slightly outside these boundaries. And then take one small step every day.

Enroll in a class you don’t think you qualify for. Speak up for yourself even when it is uncomfortable. Always push yourself to become a little better today than you were yesterday.

5. Tolerate discomfort for a greater purpose.

The feeling of discomfort can often lead people to look for unhealthy shortcuts. Binge TV-watching and overdrinking are common emotional crutches. But these types of short-term solutions more often create bigger long-term problems.

The next time you experience discomfort, remind yourself of the bigger picture. Finish that workout even when you are tired. Balance your budget even when it gives you anxiety. Tolerating uncomfortable emotions can help you gain the confidence you need to crush your goals.

optimism-equals-success

6. Balance your emotions with logic.

If you were to be 100 percent logical all the time, you might live a boring life, devoid of leisure time, pleasure, or even love. But if you base all of your decisions on emotion, you might spend all your money on fun, rather than save for retirement or investments. To make the best decisions, you need to balance your logic and emotion.

So regardless of how minor or major the decision in your life, check yourself to make sure you are balancing your emotions with logic.

Being overly anxious, angry, or excited can cause you to make an emotional decision. So write down a list of pros and cons for each decision you make. Reviewing this list will enhance the logical part of your brain and help balance out your emotions.

7. Fulfill your purpose.

It’s hard to stay the course unless you know your overall purpose. Why is it that you want to hone your craft or to earn more money?

Write out a clear and concise mission statement about what you want to accomplish in life. When you’re struggling to take the next step, remind yourself why it’s important to keep going. Focus on your daily objectives, but make sure those steps you’re taking will get you to a larger goal in the long run.

8. Look for explanations, not excuses.

Did you fall short of your goal? Then examine the reasons. Rather than make excuses for your behavior, look for an explanation than can help you do better next time.

Take on the full responsibility for any shortcomings without placing blame. When you face and acknowledge your mistakes, you can learn from them and avoid repeating them.

9. Use the 10-minute rule.

Mental strength can help you be productive when you don’t feel like it. But it’s not a magic wand that will make you feel motivated all the time.

There is a 10-minute rule that comes in handy when you are tempted to put off something important. If you catch yourself eyeing the couch at the time you planned to go for your mile run, then tell yourself to get moving for just 10 minutes. If your mind is still fighting your body after 10 minutes, then it might be OK to give yourself permission to quit.

But more often than not, once you take that first step, you’ll realize your task is not nearly as tough as you predicted. Getting started is almost always the hardest part, but your other learned skills can help keep you going.

10. Prove yourself wrong.

The next time you think you can’t do something, prove yourself wrong. Commit to topping your sales goal for this month or beating your time in the mile run.

You are more capable than you give yourself credit for, so make it a habit to prove yourself wrong. Over time, your brain will stop underestimating your own potential.


Build Your Mental Muscle

You won’t develop mental strength overnight. It takes time to grow stronger and become better. But with consistent exercise, you can build the mental strength you need to crush your goals and live the life of your dreams.

 About the Author    Amy Morin, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.
Feb 25, 2020
 


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Therapists Reveal 10 Things You Can Learn from Past Failures

Failure is not popular. It’s avoided at all costs and seen as the worse possible thing that could happen. But, believe it or not, failure does have some virtue. It’s a great teacher whose lessons can change lives. You may wonder how it’s possible to learn from what feels like defeat, but it’s possible. Check out these 10 things therapists say you can learn from your past mistakes.

Maya Angelou, an accomplished and well-known poet, said this:

 “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

10 LESSONS LEARNED FROM YOUR PAST FAILURES

1 – YOUR PAST FAILURE CAN LEAD TO SUCCESS…EVENTUALLY

You may have heard the story about Thomas Edison. He failed 1,000 times before he made the first light bulb. Edison is famous for saying, “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”  This outcome is a common experience.

Here’s a list of some of the most well-known people whose many attempts at starting over eventually led them to success.

  • Walt Disney
  • Sir James Dyson
  • Robert Goddard
  • Henry Ford
  • Stephen Jobs
  • Albert Einstein
  • Steven Spielberg
  • JK Rowling
  • Jerry Seinfeld

You never know if your current failure could lead to tomorrow’s successes. So, learn valuable lessons from poor outcomes and keep going.

2 – YOUR PAST FAILURE IS OFTEN PART OF THE PROCESS

Problems, missteps, and difficulties go hand in hand when you’re working toward a goal. According to studies, every failure changes your perspective and helps you change course when necessary. Many times, when you’re attempting to do something, it’s simply trial and error, and failure can be the key to open a new door for you to walk through.

3 – PAST FAILURE NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT

If you watch professional football, you’ll see the players fall over and over again. It’s the competitive part of the game, and the coaches are constantly reminding their players how to fall but get back up, avoid injury, and improve their skills. One study found that teaching kids to fail actually builds their confidence and helps them to grow up to be resilient adults.  If you haven’t learned how to fail and get back up again, you won’t try new things. You’ll be paralyzed, worried about failing so much that you refuse to step out and take a risk. Life is messy, but don’t be afraid to deal with the messiness of failure.

4 – PAST FAILURES TEACH YOU THAT IMPERFECTION IS OKAY

Social media applauds perfection. It makes you feel like you are inferior if your home, face, and kids aren’t perfect. It teaches you to feel frustrated at imperfection even though you know deep inside that real life isn’t perfect. Failure teaches you that life isn’t all neat and tidy like social media portrays. When you learn how to tolerate your imperfections, you feel at peace. You learn that sometimes there’s nothing you can do about your failures but accept them and keep moving.

5 – FAILURE HELPS YOU PARENT

Failure is a common experience. When you experience failure, such as losing your job, how you handle it speaks volumes to your kids. As they observe you deal with your failures, they’ll learn that sometimes life doesn’t always work out the way you want. Protecting your kids from disappointment hurts their ability to grow resilient and know how to tolerate failure. Use your failures to model how not to give up.

Allow your kids to try new things. Let them fail sometimes. It’s hard to watch as a parent, but it’s an important lesson for your kids to grow into mentally strong, independent adults.

trust

6 – FAILURES TEACH YOU TO BE FLEXIBLE

Hopefully, once you’ve failed at something, you won’t try to do the same thing in the same way. You must learn to adapt, to be flexible, to adjust where needed. It should help you understand that there are many ways to accomplish your goal. Being flexible means, you can adapt and change your ways.

Sometimes you need to throw out the old ways and start over, and that’s okay. Without flexibility, you won’t learn, and you won’t try new things in new ways.

 7 – EVERY FAILURE REVEALS YOUR CHARACTER

Failing stinks. It’s a humbling experience and a great revealer of human character. Your true self comes out when stuff goes wrong. If you get angry, bitter, and blame everyone else for your own failures, you’re showing the world who you really are. Failure can also reveal humility. You suddenly understand what it feels like to fail, so you’re more empathetic towards friends or family who has experienced defeat.

If you want to get to know someone, don’t look at how they handled successes and how they handled failure.

8 – FAILURE BRINGS FOCUS

Failure can be discouraging. Once the smoke clears and your emotions settle down, the outcome can help you refocus. Perhaps your dream job wasn’t a dream, after all. You had to quit, or you got to let go. This forces you to choose a new path to focus on what you really want to do.  Many people start in one career only to realize they hate it, so they venture off into another one that they love.

So try not to feel devastated by your failures. Think of them as stepping stones to something else. Let the failure reignite an old passion. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to go back to school. Maybe the failure at work is the opportunity you needed to pursue a degree.

9 – FAILURE TEACHES YOU TO TRY OTHER PATHS

Failure can look like a detour, but in fact, failure may be guiding you down an entirely new road. You learn that there are several ways to achieve the same goal. One way failed, but there are several more approaches to try. Failure enhances your curiosity and creativity to try new ideas and ways that, in the past, you just hadn’t even considered.

10 – PEOPLE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR FAILURE

When you fail, you may worry about what others will think of you. In reality, most people don’t care about your failures.  They know and love you for who you are, not what you can or can’t achieve. It’s embarrassing to mess up, but for the most part, people are typically very understanding because they’ve been there. They aren’t as concerned about your failures because they’re dealing with their own life. So, relax, and fail. It’s okay because those who are your true friends will always love you no matter how many failures or successes you have in your life.

FOUR TIPS TO HELP YOU BOUNCE BACK FROM PAST FAILURES

Even though you understand and agree that failure teaches you many things, it may still be hard to bounce back from it.  Here are some tried-and-true suggestions to help you overcome past failures and look ahead.

1 – STUDY WHAT YOU LEARNED FROM PAST OUTCOMES

Step back and glean all you can from your failure. Ask yourself some questions such as,

“What did I learn about myself? What did I learn about my goal?  Was there a blessing in the midst of the mess?

As you squeeze every drop of understanding out of your failure, you gain better insight into your gifts, talents, and capacity. You get a fresh vision and hope for the future. Failure isn’t fun, but it can make you more fruitful. Please don’t waste your failure. Get as much out of it as you can.

2 – GET INPUT FROM SOMEONE TRUSTWORTHY

Ask a trusted co-worker, friend, or family member for input. Be sure these people really know you, and you feel comfortable hearing what they have to say. Ask them for constructive criticism regarding the failure. Were they surprised? What did they think about your motives? Ask for their advice on how to proceed forward. You don’t need to follow their suggestions, but it’s worth getting their thoughts.

3 – DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

When you’ve figured out what you’ve learned from a past mistake, do something. Ask yourself

“How can I use what I’ve learned from failure and take a step forward? What would I love to do now?”

Whatever you do, don’t stop moving. Don’t give up. Do something, move forward. Use your gifts and talents to the best of your ability.

4 – DON’T LOSE YOUR HOPE

Failure can be devastating, especially if you’ve worked on something for years, and you cannot get it just right. It’s hard to pick up the pieces and start over, but you can do it. Never lose hope. There’s always something for you to do, a purpose for you to accomplish. Life is full of successes and failures. Let your blunders guide you into new horizons.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON LEARNING FROM PAST FAILURES

Failure is never fun, but it can be a good tutor for those who care to learn.  It reveals true character, refocuses your goals, and helps you become more empathetic to other people who fail. Every life experience is a learning experience, so let falling down from time to time be your teacher. Learn and then bounce back from your failures with fresh vision and new goals. Never give up. Remember that you’re more than your failures or your successes.

source: www.powerofpositivity.com


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14 Lies Your Mind Tells You to Prevent Life Changes

The mind is a wonderful thing.

It’s also a complete liar that constantly tries to convince us not to take actions we know are good for us, and stops many great changes in our lives.

I’ve had to learn to watch these rationalizations and excuses very carefully, in order to make the changes I’ve made in my life: a healthier diet, regular exercise, meditation, minimalism, writing daily, getting out of debt, quitting smoking, and so on.

If I hadn’t learned these excuses, and how to counter them, I would never have stuck to these changes. In fact, I failed many times before 2005 (when I started changing my life), because these excuses had complete power over me.

Let’s expose the cowardly mind’s excuses and rationalizations once and for all.

First, the main principle: the mind wants comfort, and is afraid of discomfort and change. The mind is used to its comfort cocoon, and anytime we try to push beyond that comfort zone very far or for very long, the mind tries desperately to get back into the cocoon. At any cost, including our long-term health and happiness.

OK, with that in mind, let’s go into the excuses:


1. I can’t do it.

It seems too hard, so we think we can’t stick to the change. We don’t believe in ourselves. This can be countered from the fact that many other people no more capable than us have done it. For example, Oprah ran a marathon a little before I started training for my first marathon, and so I told myself, “If Oprah can do it, so can I!” I was right.


2. He/she can do it, but that doesn’t apply to me.

Just because someone else can do it, doesn’t mean we can, right? We look for reasons they can do it but we can’t — maybe he can be a minimalist because he has no kids, or is a freelancer rather than someone with a real job. Maybe she’s way, way fitter than I am, so she can run a marathon. Maybe she doesn’t have all the obligations I have, or has a supportive spouse, or doesn’t have a crippling health condition. OK, fine, it’s easy to find excuses: but look at all the other people who have worse obstacles than you who’ve done it. I have 6 kids and still managed to change a lot of things in my life. Stories abound of people with disabilities or illnesses who overcame their obstacles to achieve amazing things. Your obstacles can be overcome.


3. I need my ___.

Fill in the blank: I need my coffee, my cheese, my soda, my TV shows, my car, my shoe collection … these are things we convince ourselves we can’t live without, so we can’t make a change like becoming vegan or eating healthier or unschooling our kids or simplifying our lives or going car-free. And I’ve made these excuses myself, but they all turned out to be lies. I didn’t need any of that. The only things you really need are basic food, water, clothing, shelter, and other people for social needs. Everything else is not a real need.


4. Life is meant to be enjoyed.

Sure, I agree with this statement (as many of us would) but the problem is this is used to justify all kinds of crappy behavior. Might as well scarf down those Doritos and Twinkies, because hey, life is meant to be enjoyed, right? No. You can do without junk food and still enjoy life. You can exercise and enjoy it. You can give up pretty much anything and still enjoy life, if you learn to see almost any activity as enjoyable.


5. I need comfort.

This might also be true, but we can push ourselves into more discomfort than we let ourselves believe. We can be a bit cold, instead of needing to be at the perfect comfortable temperature. We can do hard exercise, instead of needing to lay around on the couch. We can write that thing we’ve been procrastinating on — it might be hard, but we can push through that. When our minds seek comfort, don’t let them run — push a little bit outside the comfort zone, and begin to be OK with a bit of discomfort.


6. I don’t know how.

This is also true, but you can learn. Start with a little at a time, and learn how to deal with this new change. Do some research online. Watch some videos. Ask people online how they dealt with it. This is easily overcome with a little effort and practice. In fact, if you do it now, and learn a little at a time, then you’ll be able to do away with this pesky excuse.

change


7. I can do it later.

Sure, you can always do it later … but your later self will also feel the same way. Why should the later self be more disciplined than your current self? In fact, because you’re allowing yourself to slide now, you’re building a habit of procrastination and actually making is less likely that your future self will be more disciplined. Instead, do it now, unless there’s something more important that you need to do … don’t let yourself slide just because you don’t feel like it.


8. One time won’t hurt.

This is so tempting, because it’s kind of true — one time won’t hurt. Assuming, that is, that it’s only one time. One bite of chocolate cake, one missed workout, one time procrastinating instead of writing. Unfortunately, it’s never actually just one time. One time means your brain now knows it can get away with this excuse, and the next “one time” leads to another, until you’re not actually sticking to something. Make a rule: never ever believe the “one time” excuse. I did this with smoking (“Not One Puff Ever”) and it worked. If you’re going to allow yourself a bite or two of chocolate cake, decide beforehand and build it into your plan (“I will allow myself a fist-sized serving of sweets once every weekend”) and stick to that plan, rather than deciding on the fly, when your resistance is weak.


9. I don’t feel like it.

Well, true. You don’t feel like working hard. Who does? Letting the rule of “I’ll do it when feel like it” dictate your life means you’ll never write that book, never build that business, never create anything great, never have healthy habits. Create a plan that’s doable, and execute it. When the rationalizations like this come up, don’t believe them. Everyone is capable of doing a hard workout even when they’re not in the mood. Everyone can overcome their internal resistance.


10. I’m tired.

Yep, me too. I still did my heavy squat workout today. There is truth to needing rest, and resting when you need it (listen to your body) but this is usually the mind trying to weasel out of something uncomfortable. There’s a difference between being exhausted and needing some rest, and being the little tired we all feel every afternoon. Push through the latter.


11. I deserve a reward/break.

We all deserve that tasty treat, or a day off. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give yourself a reward or break. But if you make this rationalization your rule, you’ll always be on a break. You’ll always be giving yourself rewards, and never sticking to the original plan. Here’s what I do instead: I see sticking to my plan as the reward itself. Going on a run isn’t the thing I have to get through to get a reward — the run is the reward.


12. Wouldn’t it be nice to stop?

This again is our mind wanting to run from discomfort, and of course it’s true — it would be nice to stop if you’re pushing into a discomfort zone for too long. The thing is, the implication is that it would be better to stop, because it would be nice … but that’s a lie. It would be easier to stop, but often it’s better to continue pushing. This excuse almost beat me when I tried to run my 50-mile ultramarathon last December, because honestly it would have been much nicer to stop and not finish the race, especially in the last 10 miles or so. I pushed through, and found out I was tougher than I thought.


13. The result you’re going for isn’t important.

If you’re trying to run a marathon, this is phrased like, “It’s not that important that I finish this”. I’ve used this excuse for learning languages (it doesn’t matter if I learn this) or programming or any number of things I wanted to learn. I’ve used it for writing and exercise and eating healthy food. And while the result might not be that important, the truth is that the process is very important. If you stick with a process that will be better for you in the long run, then you will be better off. But if you let yourself go just because you are uncomfortable and at this moment care more for your comfort than the goal you set out for, you’ll have lots of problems. The goal isn’t important, but learning to stick to things when you’re uncomfortable is extremely important.


14. I’m afraid.

Now, this is the most honest excuse there is — most of us don’t want to admit we’re afraid to pursue something difficult. But it’s also a weaselly way out of discomfort — just because you’re afraid doesn’t mean you can’t do something. You can. I’ve done tons of things I’m afraid of — mostly creating things that I was worried I’d fail at. And while the fear sometimes came true — I didn’t do too well sometimes — the act of pushing through the fear was incredibly important and I learned a lot each time.


Awareness & Practice

I’ve used all of these excuses hundreds of times each, so don’t think I’ve overcome them all. And you can use them in the future too. There’s nothing wrong with giving in sometimes.

The key is to learn whether they’re true, and see your pattern. Here’s what I’ve done:

Notice the excuse. It has way more power if it works on you in the background.
Try to have an answer for the excuse beforehand — anticipate it.

If you give in, that’s OK, but recognize that you’re giving in to a lame excuse. Be aware of what you’re doing.

After giving in, see what the results are. Are you happier? Is your life better? Was it worth it giving in to discomfort?

Learn from those results. If you pushed through and are happy about it, remember that. If you gave in to excuses, and didn’t like the result, remember that.
If you consciously practice this process, you’ll get better at recognizing and not believing these lies. And then, bam, you’ve got your mind working for you instead of against you.
by Leo Babauta