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The Benefits of Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude

We shortchange our well-being by reserving this resource just for Thanksgiving.

“When I look back on the suffering in my life, this may sound really strange, but I see it now as a gift. I would have never asked for it for a second. I hated it while it was happening and I protested as loudly as I could, but suffering happened anyway. Now, in retrospect I see the way in which it deepened my being immeasurably.” ~Ram Dass

It’s that time of year. In addition to providing an opportunity to gather with family and friends to gorge ourselves on food and football, Thanksgiving is an annual culturally compelled celebration of our various blessings—a specific occasion to “give thanks.” As meaningful as this holiday can be and as helpful as it is to have structured encouragement to express gratitude, once a year is quite simply not enough. The bio-psycho-social-spiritual benefits of gratitude are myriad. Cultivating conscious contact with gratitude is a skill, and we can profit immensely by learning and practicing it.

Gratitude is about feeling and expressing appreciation: for all we’ve received, all that we have (however little it may be), and for all that has not befallen us. It functions as an antidote for attachment to what we want but don’t have and aversion to what we have but don’t want. Gratitude is the opposite of being discontented.

It’s valuable to be aware that nearly all experiences have both “positive” and “negative” aspects. Consistent with the above quote from Ram Dass, even circumstances that are brutally physically and/or emotionally painful, often contain considerable psycho-spiritual blessings in the forms of learning, growth, and healing. Sometimes we have to work harder to locate the positive and unearth its gifts (and sometimes these become manifest only in retrospect)—but if we make the time and invest the energy to look closely and search consciously, we will find them. There is always something to be grateful for, no matter how negative or desperate things may seem.

Gratitude changes perspective—it can sweep away most of the petty, day-to-day annoyances on which we focus so much of our attention—the “small stuff” situations that bring up feelings of impatience, intolerance, negative judgment, indignation, anger, or resentment. Gratitude is a vehicle to diffuse self-pity and self-centeredness, increase feelings of well-being, and prompt mindful awareness of that which is beyond oneself—of belonging to a greater whole, and of connection to others, as well as to the world.

gratitude

Over the past decade, numerous scientific studies have documented a wide range of benefits that come with gratitude. These are available to anyone who practices being grateful, even in the midst of adversity, such as elderly people confronting death, those with cancer, people with chronic illness or chronic pain, and those in recovery from addiction. Research-based reasons for practicing gratitude include:

•    Gratitude facilitates contentment. Practicing gratitude is one of the most reliable methods for increasing contentment and life satisfaction. It also improves mood by enhancing feelings of optimism, joy, pleasure, enthusiasm, and other positive emotions. Conversely, gratitude also reduces anxiety and depression.

•    Gratitude promotes physical health. Studies suggest gratitude helps to lower blood pressure, strengthen the immune system, reduce symptoms of illness, and make us less bothered by aches and pains.

•    Gratitude enhances sleep. Grateful people tend to get more sleep each night, spend less time awake before falling asleep, and feel more rested upon awakening. If you want to sleep more soundly, instead of counting sheep count your blessings.

•    Gratitude strengthens relationships. It makes us feel closer and more connected to friends and intimate partners. When partners feel and express gratitude for each other, they each become more satisfied with their relationship.

•    Gratitude encourages “paying it forward.” Grateful people are generally more helpful, generous of spirit, and compassionate. These qualities often spill over onto others.

Two specific ways you can practice the skill of being grateful are by writing gratitude letters and making gratitude lists. A gratitude letter is one you write to someone in your life to express appreciation for ways they have helped you and/or been there for you. Gratitude letters can be about events that have happened in the past or are happening in the present, and often help to strengthen or repair relationships. A gratitude list consists of writing down 3 – 5 things for which you’re grateful every day, each week, at other intervals, or under situation-specific circumstances.

You can test the effectiveness of these methods by tuning in to your current emotion(s), mood, and attitude. Once you’ve done that, take a few minutes and identify 3 things or people that you are grateful for and briefly describe to yourself or in writing the reason(s) for your gratitude. Then notice how the way you feel has shifted after doing this simple brief exercise.

For five years during the 1990s, I was the clinical director of a hospital-based addiction treatment program outside of New York City. I worked closely with the program’s medical director, a psychiatrist who was in recovery for many years through a twelve-step program.

At a conference on addiction he gave a talk that focused on his personal recovery experience. During a powerful and moving presentation, he described being grateful that he was an addict. He went on to say that, in contrast to most people who operate more or less on automatic pilot and effectively sleepwalk through life, embarking on a process of recovery had given him the awareness to live life much more intentionally. As a result, he took little for granted and appreciated much. Although his reasoning made sense, it was difficult for me to comprehend the idea of having such profound gratitude for an experience that involved so much suffering . . . until I found my way to my own recovery.

There are no guarantees of anything and we can take nothing for granted in this life. Every day is a gift; every breath is a gift. What we do with them is a choice.

by Dan Mager, MSW       Nov 18, 2014
Dan Mager, MSW is the author of
Some Assembly Required: A Balanced Approach to Recovery from Addiction and Chronic Pain.
He received his MSW from Hunter College.
In Print:  Some Assembly Required: A Balanced Approach to Recovery from Addiction and Chronic Pain
 
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8 Mental Habits That Suck Happiness From Your Life

There are different personality traits people possess which pretty much map out how their lives unfold. Each of you have developed certain habits and emotional masks that determine how you deal with your life and the people in it. You may not even notice it, but certain habits have the ability to keep you happy while the others can make you downright miserable. Here are 8 habits that can suck happiness out of your life.

1. Not Forgiving Yourself

Let’s face it, everyone has regrets. You are allowed to feel guilty about certain life choices you have made, the blunders you committed, the promises you have broken, and the lies you have told. Nobody is perfect and no one is completely free of regrets. But that doesn’t mean you have to be entangled in your regrets forever. Everyone makes mistakes. Cut yourself some slack, learn to forgive yourself.

2. Holding On To Grudges

People are bound to hurt you in life. Sometimes what they have done is so bad that it leaves a permanent scar. It is not easy to forgive certain people or forget how much pain they have caused you. But forgiveness is a factor that often decides how you move on with your life. Grudges tie you down, weigh down your soul, and prevent you from embracing happiness. Forgiving someone does not negate the fact that they hurt you, it just means that you are free from feeling chained to that particular incident.

3. Not Being Grateful

This isn’t just about saying “thank you” without even giving it a second thought; it is about practicing gratitude. Do not waste your time and energy seething about why you didn’t get a table at your favorite restaurant on a busy Saturday night, or because the waiter brought your regular fries instead of sweet potato fries. Be grateful that you are lucky enough to afford going to a restaurant or that you have people to wait on you. Never stop telling yourself how better off you are compared to so many others.

4. Thinking In Extremes

When something good happens you are ecstatic, and when things don’t go the way you want, you immediately sink into deep blues. This can reflect upon the way you connect with people too- if you love someone you are ready to die for them, and if you hate someone you want to see them suffer at any cost. This is a behavior that can never do you any good. Learn to balance things out. Try to find a silver lining, no matter how bad the situation is or how much a person sucks. Nothing good comes out of extreme negativity. Similarly try not to go overboard when you are happy- this does not mean you have to undermine your happiness, just that you should keep things a bit low key instead of throwing confetti for every good thing that happens in your life.

5. Following Double Standards

Sometimes you are quick to judge certain people and adamant about sticking to your judgment no matter what they do. Chances are that you have placed high standards for others that you yourself don’t even follow. There are also times when the person you hate the most is actually very much like you. Hypocrisy is something that can eat you from the inside, making you feel miserable. Try not to keep double standards, it will only make you feel like a fraud.

6. Putting Everything And Everyone In The Same Slot

Stop yourself from generalizing everything and everyone. All men aren’t the same. All women aren’t the same either. Not everyone who asks for your help is trying to con you. No, you will not fail at everything. And all your choices aren’t bad. True that people and situations disappoint you from time to time. But this does not mean things never change- learn to take risks, and some things and certain people will eventually turn around.

7. Believing Things Are Out Of Your Hand

You often feel that life is never under your control. It ‘s a fact that you can never plan your life too much, but that does not mean you can’t change it’s course. You may feel you don’t have the reins in your hand, though it has been within your reach all along. All you have to do is grab hold of your life and direct it the way you want to go. It might not always work in your favor, but you will never know until you try.

8. Thinking Someone Will Eventually Make You Happy

A common mistake committed by many is that they depend on others for happiness. Yes, humans are social beings, and we do need human company to be happy. But does not mean the key to your happiness is in the hands of someone else. Life is too short. It has no time for selfish friends, negligent partners, or judgmental relatives. It is up to you to save your ass and keep yourself happy.

Apr 21, 2017    by CureJoy Editorial
 


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Fun Fact Friday

  • Human bones are 31% water.

  • Deja Vu occurs when your brain tries to apply a memory of a past situation to your current one, fails, and makes you feel like it has happened.

  • Women have twice as many pain receptors on their bodies than men. But, a much higher pain tolerance.

  • Studies show being ‘grateful’ helps you make better decisions and investments.

Happy Friday!
 source:   factualfacts.com   https://twitter.com/Fact   @Fact


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Do This One Thing for Increased Happiness in the New Year

A specific and simple mindset shift can make a big difference.

As we look toward the new year, many of us make resolutions. I’ve talked at length about ways to make these resolutions more likely to stick (hint: “Lose weight” is just not likely to happen!) A great many of them fail because the goals are not formulated in a way that is conducive to achieving them, or because we lose steam once the year gets underway, as Haagen-Dazs wins out over kale. Plenty of people have decided that this makes the whole notion of resolutions silly. And plenty of others are just not interested in the resolution game, are not particularly prone to making lists, or are resistant thinking of a new year as a clean slate.

But lots of us are more consistently on the hunt for simple shifts that can make meaningful differences in our lives, no matter what month it is. Maybe you are looking to adopt a healthier mindset. Perhaps you are in a rut, struggling with depression or anxiety. Or maybe you’ve noticed that jealousy, loneliness, or a lack of motivation are getting the better of you lately. It may feel that inspiration is a world away. Looking to ignite a spark?

Express gratitude.

gratitude

Chances are you’ve heard this before, or you’ve skimmed this article, gotten to the previous sentence, and are disappointed that I haven’t given you some secret to the psychological universe that involves magical formulas or an app to end all apps. But just because you’ve heard it before doesn’t mean that enacting it doesn’t work. And just because it’s a simple and almost common-sense concept doesn’t mean that, once enacted, it can’t make a difference. In fact, all kinds of interesting research has shown that putting yourself in a frame of mind that focuses on gratitude for what you have is associated with improved emotional well-being.

If the mental health boosts aren’t enough for you, consider this: gratitude likely improves physical health as well. It may also improve your relationships, in terms of openness, communication and positive perceptions of your partner or friend.

Whether it’s keeping a notebook or jar full of moments big and small that you appreciate, doing a daily gratitude meditation, making what you’re thankful for a daily dinner-conversation opener or occasionally writing letters to people expressing appreciation for what they’ve meant to you, incorporating gratitude into your life as a consistent practice may very well make this coming year better than before. And best of all, it involves neither a treadmill nor an inordinate amount of kale.

Andrea Bonior Ph.D.    Dec 29, 2015 

Andrea Bonior, Ph.D, is a speaker and licensed clinical psychologist. She is the author of The Friendship Fix and serves on the faculty of Georgetown University. Her mental health advice column, Baggage Check, has appeared in the Washington Post Express for more than 10 years. She speaks to audiences large and small about relationships, work-life balance, and goal-setting, and she is a TV commentator about psychological issues. 


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Don’t Let Facebook Depress You. Here’s How to Practice Gratitude Online

By: Terita Heath-Wlaz    May 28, 2016     Follow Terita at @teritaheathwlaz

Recent research suggests that using Facebook can make us feel gloomy and dissatisfied with our lives. Maybe we’re missing our grown kids, or comparing ourselves to a wildly successful old friend. Whatever the cause, the news is a bummer.

But let’s be honest: we like Facebook, and quitting isn’t going to happen, right? Instead, we can harness the power of gratitude and storytelling to improve the way we feel about life, both on Facebook and in the “real world.”

How Does This Work?

The stories we tell ourselves about our own lives, together forming our so-called “narrative identity,” have a strong impact on our physical and mental health.

One study found that college students at risk for depression boosted their mood by writing expressively each day. Another found that patients’ high blood pressure improved when they listened to and internalized other patients’ success stories. When we focus on positive narratives, our bodies and brains follow along.

You can reap the benefits of storytelling by writing in a private journal, but if you already use social media, try designating Facebook as a place to notice and record the wonderful things in your life.

Make Facebook A Place for Gratitude

Gratitude may be among the most transformative positive emotion you can practice through storytelling. Linked to greater happiness, optimism, and even better fitness habits, expressing gratitude can be as simple as noticing the beauty of the changing seasons, or appreciating a good conversation and a cup of tea with a friend.

Gratitude

Try reflecting once a week (or once a day!) about something that inspires feelings of thankfulness in you. Once you have recorded several observations, read over them and notice how this way of storytelling shapes your own narrative identity.

What Does it Look Like?

Expressions of gratitude and moments of positive noticing can be great or small. Check out a few real Facebook posts from users who nailed the sentiment, shared here with permission:

“So grateful for the awesome village I’m surrounded by. It’s not easy raising a kid away from my entire family. You all make it not only possible, but also fulfilling.”

“Mary’s husband is a fisherman who brought back the lobster and fish for us. Mary’s friend, Aloya, cooked it all. Look at that beautiful smile. Both Debra and I are humbled by the gentle, loving people we’ve met in Belize.”

“Tait loves life! He says every night at bedtime: “when I wake up in the mornin I can play again! And read books!””

“I Love this!! Inky the octopus escapes from aquarium—by crawling OUT of his tank, across and a floor, and through a drain pipe to the sea.”

Ready to try your own? Even if you’re not feeling rosy this instant, now is a great time to get started. Look around you for beauty, and inside yourself, and then answer that pressing question at the top of the page: “What’s on your mind?”


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Counting Your Blessings Can Improve Your Life

Health Benefits of Gratitude: 5 Ways Counting Your Blessings Can Improve Your Life

Thanksgiving will come and go, but the positive effects of gratitude can last all year. 

Gratitude can help you sleep better

In a study from Grant MacEwan University in Alberta, Canada, anxious students slept better when they jotted down a list of things they were thankful for before bed every night for a week than when they didn’t do the writing exercise. Study authors hypothesized that thinking about their blessings helped students reduce worry and quiet their minds.

Gratitude can increase your willpower

In a fascinating experiment from Harvard University and others, scientists challenged participants with a test of willpower: Take $54 now or receive $80 in 30 days. While they contemplated their decision, the subjects were asked to write about a time they felt grateful, happy, or neutral. Those who wrote about a grateful experience showed far more resolve to delay their reward than the rest of the group. The scientists believe gratitude fostered long-term thinking, which bolstered willpower.

gratitude

Gratitude can lower stress

Instead of counting worries, try putting a number to your blessings. According to science journalist Giovanni Alesio, several studies suggest that gratitude can decrease stress and anxiety by activating the areas in the brain that the release feel-good hormones serotonin and dopamine.

Gratitude can help you make more friends

If you want to expand your social circle, try saying these two words: Thank you. In a 2015 study published in the journal Emotion, thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship.

Gratitude can reduce aches and pains

Sounds like a long shot, but according to research by Robert Emmons, a University of California, Davis professor and pioneer in the study of gratitude, grateful people report fewer symptoms of illness and are less bothered by aches and pains.

by Beth Dreher

source: www.rd.com


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10 Words Everyone Should Live By

BY DR. LAWRENCE ROSEN   JULY 10, 2013

I’ve noticed a trend in wellness circles. Whether in my work with patients or in my yoga classes, I keep coming across the same words. On a given day, one might be the theme of a dharma talk or a TED Talk video someone mentioned to me. (Or, as was the case one strange morning, the same word was featured in both.) I am sure the universe is sending me messages, and the more I mention these to friends and colleagues, it seems like they’re hearing the same words.

Which of these words resonates with you? My guess is some will at different times, but they’re all good words to live by.

1. Presence: To be fully engaged in what you are doing right now. And right now. And right now. Mindfulness of the present moment is something we never fully attain 100% of the time, but it shouldn’t stop us from trying. Whatever tools you use to cultivate presence, make time to hone them. That is why we practice (not perfect) yoga and meditation. 

2. Vulnerability: The willingness to be let others see you as you are. Vulnerability is to admit, “I am human. I am not perfect. I struggle, just like you.” No one has described vulnerability more effectively than Brene Brown. She teaches us that vulnerability is NOT weakness; in fact, being vulnerable is the most courageous thing we can be. Only when we are vulnerable can we truly connect and be open to intimacy. 

3. Clarity: Transparency and lucidity of vision and thought. Not just an uber popular, kinda creepy song by Zedd. Clarity is that aha moment when everything is crystal clear and it all just makes sense. I find it comes to me when I’m not trying to achieve it, but allowing my mind to relax and focus. It’s one of those things that the harder you try to achieve it, the further away it may feel. 

4. Equanimity: The evenness of mind to stand steady in the face of stress or challenge. I didn’t really “get” equanimity until last weekend, when a very wise friend told me it could best be explained by the phrase, “It’s all good.” The next day, I was meditating on this phrase at the beginning of a particularly challenging beach yoga session. (I know, boo-hoo, poor me.) Still, it was hot, with no wind, black flies biting. The teacher began by saying, “I was reading something this morning about equanimity…” Aha.

5. Gratitude: An intentional appreciation of what and who you have. An acceptance and explicit acknowledgment of what life brings you. Not taking anything for granted. As psychologist Robert Emmons notes, “Gratitude allows us to celebrate the present.”

6. Creativity: The use of your imagination to produce something—a thought, an object, really anything. Creativity implies a childlike playfulness, having the courage to make mistakes and keep pushing on. We desperately need more creativity in education and in the workplace. Never forget: you were once a child and some part of you always should be.

7. Authenticity: Walking the walk. The real you. The most honest “way of being.” To be authentic is to accept your self as is and offer that self to the world. The challenge is to learn to be OK with who you are and then… just be.

8. Passion: An incredibly intense and compelling desire for something (or someone) that is barely containable. And I think that’s the key. Your passion should be so palpable that it’s going to burst out of your eyeballs… but it just quite doesn’t. That’s what separates a crime of passion from the kind that makes you invest your whole being in the pursuit of your dreams and inspires others to follow you.

9. Compassion: Love and acceptance for another as if they were you. To treat them as you would want to be treated. To walk a mile in their shoes.  To see through their eyes as if they are your own. Compassion for yourself is the first step in having compassion for others. 

10. Love: Do I really have to explain this one? OK, just one quote: “We accept the love we think we deserve.” – Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower