How many times have you said to yourself, “I had a bad feeling about this. I just wish I had listened to my gut!” You don’t have to be a psychic to tune in to your inner voice, and it can help you make better decisions in every area of your life.
“People who think intuition comes from the unconscious may be confusing it with instinct,” says Seana Moran, EdD, a developmental psychologist at Clark University. Dr. Moran gives the instinctive, fight-or-flight stress response as an example of the body’s inherent, instinctual responses. “As opposed to the instincts expressed through our bodies, intuition is our mind’s automated response to multiple situations. It is often based on learning a task so well that it becomes natural,” she explains. Instincts, like the fight-or-flight response, are often triggered by chemical responses in the nervous system. Here are some weird things which may trigger it.
Many experts say that intuition is a type of sixth sense that can help steer you toward a good decision if you let it. It may sound airy-fairy intangible, but in reality, intuition is a fine-tuned muscle you can develop over time based on learning from your experiences and environmental clues. “Intuition is, ‘I just know.’ It’s involved in the ‘aha!’ moment when a good idea suddenly comes to mind,” says Dr. Moran, who thinks of intuition as a confident decision that does not result from conscious analysis, logic, or deliberate steps. “It’s involved in everyday behaviors that have been overlearned, and are done automatically, such as brushing teeth, or riding a bike,” she adds. She cites Nobel Laureate psychologist Daniel Kahneman, who refers to intuition as fast thinking that we feel internally, as an immediate answer. Multiple studies, including a 2006 study at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences substantiate this claim.
“I think like a lot of things, intuition takes practice,” says therapist Phoebe Farber, PhD. Dr. Farber thinks of intuition as a visceral sense that can aid in your decision-making if you pay attention to it. “Say you’re meeting someone for the first time,” she explains. “You pick up on something about them that doesn’t sit right with you but the person is friendly, so you stop thinking about your first reaction. Later on, you realize that something was wrong, after all, and that your inner voice was trying to tell you. I’ve had situations when I didn’t pay attention to that feeling and then, it wasn’t OK,” she explains. The more you use your intuition, the easier it gets. According to data from Civic Science, a marketing agency, the experiences you acquire over your lifetime also help. That’s why older individuals tend to “trust their gut” more often than young adults do. Civic Science’s main findings indicate that 84 percent of Americans believe in intuition, but that those who don’t believe in trusting that sixth sense are more likely to be under 18. The group also found that people who do believe in intuition are more likely to have kids, jobs, and a spouse. They’re also typically 35 to 54 years old.
Whether you think of your intuition as a gut instinct, or the accumulation of sensory input activating the median orbito-frontal cortex of the brain, intuition may be hard to identify, and even harder to grasp. There’s even some research indicating that intuition may reside in, or at least impact, the heart. No matter where you believe your intuition lives, it’s important that you learn how to work this all-important, albeit intangible, muscle.
Think about all the stimuli around you at all times. “So much is coming in—so much sensation—that we’re saturated with it, and this can create a level of unconsciousness about how we take in the world that we’re completely unaware of,” Dr. Farber explains. “That unconscious osmosis is really important because it gives us significant information we can use to guide our conscious decision-making.” Dr. Farber meditates daily, which helps her tune in to her intuitive thoughts and feelings. “Quieting the noise may be as simple as paying attention to your sensations, reactions, and feelings, so you can slow yourself down, and not go on automatic pilot,” she suggests. Practicing meditation, yoga, and deep breathing are all ways to help yourself quiet down. Exercise, saunas, and even hot steamy baths, may help. The less chaos you let affect you, the more you’re able to connect with your intuitive self.
I think, therefore I am (unable to tune into my intuition)
The biggest enemy of intuition is another bane of modern life—overthinking. “If we reasoned our way through every decision or behavior, our minds would gridlock on processing all the details that need to be coordinated,” Dr Moran says. “Take, for example, walking. We learned to walk as toddlers, and now our bodies know how, so we don’t consciously think about it anymore. Same with speaking or writing or eating. As a result, intuition could be considered the after-effect of overthinking, or over-learning.” Overthinking eliminates your ability to tap into intuition.
You know that person in the boardroom who always seems to be one step ahead of everyone else? A lot of that may be due to good old-fashioned elbow grease, but intuition, and the confidence it brings, are probably playing a big role. Huffingtonpost.com reported on the 10 things that highly intuitive people do differently than the average worker, and one of them is that they listen to their instincts. The article also quotes Steve Jobs as saying that intuition is more effective in business than intellect is. You’ve probably spent most of your life trying to learn as much as you can, with good results. Tapping into your intuitive sense, however, in addition to the knowledge and skills you’ve already acquired, may very well make you unstoppable. Here are some additional strategies successful people use at work every day.
What if there really is such a thing as love at first sight? Could it be that your inner voice can identify the person who will be good for you instantaneously? For some, the answer may be yes, and for others, not so much. But the next time you see that person across a crowded room, you might want to try trusting your gut instead of tuning it out and listening instead to the unending parade of thoughts that often accompany those meetings. Instinctual thought works the same way in all situations, by culling, instantaneously, your past experiences and environmental clues. Whether the person you’re meeting is a future boss or a future husband, your gut instinct has no choice but to operate on your behalf. Once you learn how to connect with it, it won’t steer you wrong.
HERE ARE 5 THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU’RE IN AN HONEST RELATIONSHIP:
1. YOU GROW SPIRITUALLY AND EMOTIONALLY.
When you are in an honest relationship, you learn things about yourself through your counterpart. You grow together in many aspects. You enrich each other. No one is pushing anyone. You are both gently expanding and changing to the best parts of yourself. An honest union enhances each other to grow. They support one another in careers, parenthood, spirituality, health, sexuality, and other facets of life. As individuals you thrive, and together you are a team.
2. YOU ARE VULNERABLE, AND IT’S FREEING.
Trust is underrated in relationships. It’s that one component that binds partnerships. Once that’s gone, it’s difficult to get it back. Vulnerability is perhaps the glue that holds an honest union together. It takes courage and strength to be raw. By exposing all to one another, you are set free of expectations, assumptions, and disappointments. There are no guessing games. There is no hidden agenda. You can show the strong and weak parts and still be loved by your partner.
In an honest relationship, there is no criticism because you are both open to whatever happens. This becomes part of the attraction. It’s not based on co-dependency, but rather the admiration of strength and courage. At times, life is a journey of challenges and difficult circumstances, but together you make it through.
3. YOU FORGIVE EASILY.
There are no perfect relationships, because we are imperfect humans. We will make mistakes. We will have bad days. You will argue and disagree on many things, however you don’t hold grudges. You get past it and move to the next issue. You learn that holding anger is destructive, so you move away from it by letting things go. Forgiveness solidifies the partnership. You learn the art of agreeing to disagree while still supporting the other. As Martin Luther King Jr. quoted, “Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”
4. YOUR SELF-WORTH IS IN A HEALTHY PLACE.
You can both admit your weaknesses and still love one another without judgment. Dr. Dovid Lieberman, speaker and author has dedicated his research on self-esteem in his book, Real Power, in which he shares, “When a person has very low self-esteem, it does not matter how accomplished he appears; such a person is dependent upon everyone and everything to feed his ego…. A healthy sense of self-esteem endows us with the ability to give. To the degree that we do not like ourselves, we cannot receive, we can only take. The more self-esteem we have, the more we are whole, as receiving is a natural consequence of giving.”
When we are in an honest relationship, we feel good about ourselves. We can transform and transcend love for ourselves because we are being emotionally sustained.
5. YOU LEARN TO COOPERATE, COMPROMISE AND COMMUNICATE.
In this new era of self-promotion, it seems that communication is not always available. Most people put themselves out there in social media without any regard to their partner’s feelings. But, healthy-loving relationships understand and accommodate each other. They affirm one another to meet their needs. Compromising is healthy, but it can also lead to unhealthy boundaries where one partner is constantly taking and the other is always giving. Cooperation is a unit and you learn to faithfully support one another. But without communication, there is nothing.
The key to an honest relationship consists of the 3C’s: cooperation, compromising, and communication. Honest relationships don’t take the other person for granted. They don’t bulldoze one another. They know that in order to succeed in their partnership, there is equal parts of giving and receiving. There are times that they will need one to help pull the other up. Communication allows them to freely share without feeling used or abused.
Honest and loving relationships learn from each other. They learn new perspectives, share goals, and succeed because they are a team. They grow through the changes. They compromise, share, support and most of all, provide a safe haven for their souls to transcend. There is nothing more beautiful than the authenticity from your partner who is also your best friend.
Writer Paulo Coelho has an incredible line in the book, The Alchemist, that reads: “Remember that wherever your heart is, there you will find your treasure.” When you are in an honest relationship, your heart feels the priceless treasures. From the time we are children, we are exposed to fairy tales. Little girls begin believing in hopeless love. Little boys play games about knights and saving others. What entails a loving and honest relationship? You might have to kiss a lot of frogs before finding your “One,” but when you do, you will know it.
“Without patience, we will learn less in life. We will see less. We will feel less. We will hear less. Ironically, rush and more usually mean less.”
— Mother Teresa
It calls us to the higher part of ourselves, that part of us that recognizes the divinity within. It overlooks our fear, mistrust, anger, confusion, and all the ways we build barriers to its recognition. It doesn’t even matter how high we build those barriers. Patience is always within reach, a steady force that sings a quiet song of peace.
Impatience isn’t a mere personality quirk or bad habit. It is a life lesson from your soul. Where there is a lack of patience there is a lack of trust and a hopeless feeling of being out of control. Impatience is fear made manifest. It tells us that outcome is uncertain. And uncertainty is never of the soul. Uncertainty is always of the ego and is your first clue that impatience is not the truth. The soul knows outcome is always assured because the soul sees your grace. When you are impatient you must ask yourself, “What is my source?” If you can truly answer that love is your source you will experience patience. “Love” meaning, the Love of God.
When we trust in the divine as our source we know we cannot be left out of the equation of life. The only thing that turns patience into perpetual waiting is lack of trust. Lack of trust comes from a lack of connection to the Infinity within. Your power really is already with you. It will never come from the outside. You will indeed wait forever if you are waiting for any force outside of you to come along and save you. Society teaches us that the “perfect” person or job will make us feel fulfilled. So many of us wait impatiently for that “perfect” something to come along. But that is not trusting. That is waiting on time and space to give you something. Patience is trusting in the presence of your soul and knowing that presence has the power to create that which you need in life. Patience is taking steps of action that lead you gently down the path of your own self. Patience does not compare and contrast. It does not judge. It keeps you in the present moment in grace and love. It is a gentle hug that reassures you that you are safe. The outcome is assured because you have allowed room for what you want to change form if that is what is needed. You have allowed room for personal growth and it is always personal growth that helps you recognize opportunity when it comes knocking.
What are you trusting in? Love. Plain and simple. Not the flight of fancy that changes with every glance or the desire that disguises itself as love. Not the wanting of the ego that drives into dark corners confusing us with promises of false satisfaction. No. The love that comes from knowing you are one with the divine, infinite nature that is the source of all there is. The love that keeps you firm in the truth of your soul. The love that cannot be altered based on the behavior of others. The love that is the constant wellspring within. From love flows peace as naturally as any river flows. It brings the calm, regal presence of trust into your conscious awareness and establishes a base of self actualization. From this base, you are centered, intuitively aware, and mindful.
Impatience takes you out of the present moment. Patience keeps you in the present moment. Impatience is fear. Patience is love.
by Livnam Kaur
Spiritual Intuitive, Writer, Ayurveda Wellness Practitioner, Reiki / IET Master Teacher, Speaker
Livnam Kaur is a Los Angeles based spiritual intuitive. Her work is about self-empowerment and finding the truth. Known for taking big spiritual concepts and explaining them in easy to understand language, she is a sought after teacher, writer, and speaker. She works to help people find fulfillment by connecting them to their own internal spiritual guidance, Divine Will, the Will of Soul. Once that connection is made, time and space clears and healing is welcomed. Livnam has a monthly spiritual advice column, Dear Livnam, answering questions about walking the spiritual path. She facilitates a weekly study group for A Course In Miracles, gives Spiritual Counseling and Healing sessions, teaches Kundalini Yoga and Meditation, Intuitive Development, and offers Personal Coaching.
Written on July 26, 2011 by Laura in Choice Theory and Reality Therapy
“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
As long as we insist on controlling people around us, we will create completely unnecessary suffering in our lives. Dr. William Glasser, creator of choice theory and reality therapy, explains that people are in control of almost all of their behaviors. We are all driven by our genes to satisfy our “basic needs”: survival, love & belonging, power, freedom, and fun. While we all vary in the degree to which these needs are important, what we all have in common is the need for satisfying and healthy relationships with others.
From a choice theory perspective, virtually all of our behaviors are chosen. Consider the common example of the phone ringing when you are sitting or working at home. If you answer the phone, what would you say was your reason for answering it? This perspective tells us that the reason that we answer is phone is not “because it was ringing” – it is because we chose to answer it. There was an option to not choose to answer the phone.
While this example is silly and small, it exemplifies a much larger truth embedded within choice theory… the idea that we are in control of choosing all behaviors. This is Glasser’s concept of “total behavior.” Many of his ideas are controversial because he also believes that people choose the symptoms that cause misery and suffering, such as depression or anxiety. The basic concept is that people will choose the “best” behaviors that they can come up with at the time. Sometimes, choosing “to depress” is a better option that facing the world when feeling miserable inside. Either way, Glasser sees all behaviors as choices.
Choice theory provides us with “Seven Caring Habits” and “Seven Deadly Habits” that affect our important relationships with others. As you might guess, underlying these habits is the extent to which you are attempting to control others with your behaviors. We are happiest in relationships where we are able to satisfy our basic needs, feel supported and loved, and feel that the other person is not trying to control us.
Seven Caring Habits
(1) Supporting
People thrive in relationships where they feel supported for their true selves and in the pursuit of their dreams, goals, and aspirations. Support means being there physically, mentally, and emotionally for the other person as well as taking on a greater share of responsibilities when they are suffering or in need.
(2) Encouraging
We all benefit from encouragement in our close relationships. This can take the form of reminding your partner of their strengths, past successes, or positive qualities. Remember that encouragement is most effective when it is authentic (i.e., not based in exaggerations).
(3) Listening
To provide your partner with your total presence through fully hearing them and receiving their messages is extremely valuable. Practicing mindfulness can allow you to become more present with your partner and actively engaged in listening.
(4) Accepting
When we feel completely accepted by another person, it provides an invaluable sense of validation. This is often a cornerstone of many therapeutic approaches as well (e.g., unconditional positive regard). When we offer the gift of acceptance to our partners, we are telling them that we “see” them for who they are and choose to accept them completely. This does not mean accepting behaviors that we not do approve of, but rather accepting the individual as loved and worthy of that love.
(5) Trusting
Trust goes both ways in relationships, and part of building a strong and healthy relationship involves opening yourself up to fully trusting your partner. It also involves modifying and shaping your own behaviors so that you are a trustworthy partner.
(6) Respecting
Healthy relationships need to be built on a foundation of mutual respect. This means treating loved ones with dignity, affirming their worth, and respecting their boundaries and limitations.
(7) Negotiating Differences
Relationships must have compromise. Relationships where neither partner has to make “any” compromises are few and far between. Mature relationships mean that both partners cannot have all of their needs met all of the time. Think about that. You must be willing to openly discuss what you are and aren’t willing to compromise for the sake of the relationship. Through compromise, you are able to build stability, trust, and strength in your relationship.
Seven Deadly Habits
(1) Criticizing
When we criticize someone else, we are telling them that we are somehow superior to them or that they are unworthy in some way. Criticism comes from a place of wanting to control another person through the hope that making them feel insecure or bad about themselves will result in them “changing” for the better. This doesn’t work. Criticism only makes your partner want to get away from the source of such pain and unloving behavior – i.e., the person doing the criticizing.
(2) Blaming
This involves placing the responsibility for some sort of outcome on another person, often in a sanctimonious or self-righteous manner. Of course, there are plenty of instances where our partner genuinely is to blame for something unpleasant. However, the way that we choose to go about expressing our displeasure is what is important. There is a way to let your partner know that they need to accept responsibility for their behavior without “blaming.” It is through honest and loving communication.
(3) Complaining
No one “likes” complaining… except the person doing it. When we choose to complain about something we are also saying that we refuse to take responsibility for it. Complaining often results in the other person feeling as if they should somehow “fix” the problem or else just get away from the complaining. Whatever the outcome, it puts distance between us and those we love.
(4) Nagging
This is absolutely central to the concept of external control. When we nag someone, it is because we are trying to get them to change a behavior through negative reinforcement (i.e., when they change the behavior, you stop the nagging). People don’t like to be coerced into doing things they don’t want to do. If you really want your partner to change a behavior, they must choose to do so on their own. If it is important enough for discussion, an open and loving discussion about compromise can be helpful.
(5) Threatening
When we wield threatening power over someone, we are hoping that they will essentially be “scared” into complying with our demands. This is what tyrants do… and people who want to be assured that they will drive their partners away from them. This doesn’t work! When we threaten others (directly or passively), we become a source of fear and control, when we want to be a source of love and support.
(6) Punishing
From an operant conditioning perspective, the concept of punishment means that a negative condition or stimulus is introduced as the consequence of behavior that you would like to weaken. An example would be yelling at your partner each time he or she did something that you didn’t like. While this can result in the behavior diminishing, it also wreaks havoc on your relationship. Similar to these other examples, with punishment you become a source of fear, control, and general unpleasantness.
(7) Bribing / Rewarding to Control
Sometimes we “reward” people when they do things that we want them to do. This seems much nicer than threatening or punishing them, but it is still a form of wielding external control over your partner. You are still attempting to control their behavior, even if it seems loving or altruistic. It is always best to allow your partner to come to their own conclusions about what behaviors they wish to change. This can certainly result from an open discussion about compromise, but the final decision to change behaviors needs to come from within the individual to avoid building resentment.
Do you feel as though your past or current relationship(s) are based on choice theory or external control? Do you find that you have better outcomes when you stop trying to control people you love? It can be frightening for many people to give up their attempts to control others. This often comes from childhood backgrounds where they didn’t feel in control of what was going on around them.
Be compassionate towards yourself if this is the case. It can take time to become comfortable with letting go of control. The potential result of a relationship built upon a foundation of choice theory is a long-lasting, stable, and harmonious union of two people who are secure in the knowledge that they can truly be themselves and are free to reach for their dreams. Since all behaviors are choices, what is one “deadly habit” that you are willing to commit to letting go of in your relationship?
William Glasser Institute. 2010. Retrieved from http://www.wglasser.com/
… and the research to back it up.
by Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. on Jul 18, 2015 in Fulfillment at Any Age
Everyone makes excuses from time to time, and some of us do it more than others. Even if you feel like you’re an honest, hard-working, trustworthy individual (as most of us do), there will be situations in which you just don’t or can’t follow through on a promise. Whether it’s attending a family event, meeting a job deadline, going out with friends, or spending an evening helping the kids with homework, invariably we find ourselves feeling no choice but to use an “untruth” (i.e., a lie) in order to avoid disappointing others.
I will not offer guidance on how to be a more believable excuse-teller by fibbing more effectively. In fact, you might not appreciate the advice I’m providing at first, but if you choose to follow it, and make it a habit, you’ll be glad you did.
Here’s the advice, simple and unadulterated: Just tell the truth.
Not some version of the truth, or part of the truth, or truth that’s technically true but isn’t the real reason for your behavior. It’s got to be, as they say, “the whole truth.”
If you do it, you’ll never again forget which excuses you made to whom, because the truth will be at the bottom of all your explanations. At an ethical level, telling the truth helps you to believe you’re a good and honest individual while allowing you to behave in ways consistent with that self-image.
Before getting to the reason for this advice, let’s look at three faux excuses that don’t measure up to the truth:
In each of these cases, an honest excuse would have involved some loss of face or admission of fault; you’re not perfect after all. However, you would at least be spared the burden of having to remember all the surrounding details of the excuses you gave.
When communicated in a straightforward manner, being honest about the reason for your stumble allows the other individuals involved to feel empathy with you. If you provide an explanation that makes sense—and is 100% truthful—they should be more inclined to try to understand the situation from your perspective. Everyone is late sometimes, we all forget important occasions, and plenty of us prefer a Sunday afternoon alone than in the company of people opening presents.
Putting your reasoning out there in a relatable manner will be more likely to lead others to forgive you.
What the Research Says
Gettysburg College psychologist Christopher Barlett (2013) was interested in the kinds of excuses people make after they inadvertently hurt someone in an interpersonal situation. Maybe they bump into someone and dismiss it with, “I’m having a bad day,” or, “I just had a fight with my boyfriend.” Such excuses provide “mitigating information…defined as factors that may change an initially hostile attribution after a provocation into one that is less personally threatening” (p. 472). The intention of offering such an excuse is to reduce the likelihood that the victim of the shove becomes angry and aggressive.
But do these excuses actually work?
To answer this question, Barlett analyzed data from 15 studies based on a search of the literature for terms such as anger, misattribution, aggression, and reappraisal. Each study examined participants who manipulated mitigating information to reduce aggression toward them for some type of affront. In the studies, aggressive behavior was measured in a variety of ways, ranging from evaluations by the experimenter to the amount of time excuse-makers were exposed to a (faked) “shock” or keeping their hands in a bucket of ice water. All studies involved manipulating the information that participants received about the cause of the affront and whether apologies or excuses were more effective in reducing willingness to aggress than others.
Supporting the idea that an honest excuse is the best remedy for an affront, Barlett found that when the provocation wasn’t severe, mitigating information (the excuse) reduced aggression when it was considered honest and did not include an apology. The key to making an excuse work, Barlett concluded, is to make it effective in changing the offended person’s appraisal of the provocation.
An effective excuse is detailed enough to provide that key mitigating information and justifies why you thought or did what you did. An apology may seem lame to the recipient because it doesn’t provide that mitigating information. An honest excuse is the best. When you lie about the reasons for your behavior, it’s much more difficult to come up with an elaborate justification that will convince the other person to feel less angry toward you.
As long as the offending behavior isn’t too harsh (such as if you were to injure the other person), your best option is to share an honest, detailed excuse. Justifying your behavior won’t change what happened, but it can change the way the behavior is perceived. It will preserve your relationships and allow you to maintain harmony with loved ones.
Reference
Barlett, C. P. (2013). Excuses, excuses: A meta‐analytic review of how mitigating information can change aggression and an exploration of moderating variables. Aggressive Behavior, 39(6), 472-481.
Susan Krauss Whitbourne
The journey of becoming who we were born to be never ends. It’s limitless, eternal.
We don’t arrive — we grow. And to grow requires presence and practice.
So let’s talk about practice.
No matter how hard we work, the aim and purpose of practice is not to be done with it, but to immerse ourselves so completely in life by any means that we, for the moment, are life itself living. Excellence, if we achieve it, is a welcome byproduct of complete immersion. But the reward for practice is a thoroughness of being.
Given the pulls to be cruel or kind, to be clever or sincere, to hoard or give away, we can explore several practices that, if personalized, can help us turn our burden back into wonder.
That is, the only way to move through uncertainty, the only way to listen for what it has to say, is by being patient. The speech of uncertainty is slow. When we move too fast, the lessons are unintelligible.
Opportunity always presents itself as an opening that seems a bit smaller than we think we can fit through. Following our heart means trusting that we will fit through the opening we are given.
This was Mother Teresa’s anthem. We begin to dismantle what is overwhelming by beginning the journey of involvement one hand at a time, one kindness at a time, one utterance of truth at a time. From the outside, things that require courage seem impossible, but once we begin, we’re no longer on the outside. This lets us see more.
We are born with these two capacities that never let us down, though we may forget how to inhabit them. When we feel disconnected, any act of holding or listening will return us to the larger world.
Only by allowing what we feel, think and experience to move through us can we be animated enough to sense what matters, and so join with it. This is imperative because the life of expression is the tuning fork by which we find our way to the sacred.
Whether we’re asleep or awake depends on the practices we enliven. Whether we’re cruel or kind depends on how we say to life and all its obstacles and possibilities.
The endless practice of being human involves learning how to strengthen our heart by exercising it in the world, and how to refine who we are through caring, building, holding and repairing. No one can do this for us, though no one can do it alone. The way cells need blood and blood needs tissue, we need each other to be fully alive.
“Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” ~ Joseph Addison
What if one day you woke up and decided that you were tired of feeling tired and that you had enough of everything? Enough of stress and anxiety, enough of anger and resentment, enough of struggle, lack, pain and poverty, enough of tears, heartbreaks, self destructive thoughts, behaviors and relationships and enough of all that is negative and toxic? What if you decided that you wanted to change yourself and your life but didn’t know where exactly to start, what then?
There are many things you can do to begin rebuilding your life and make it ridiculously amazing and today I will share with you 12 things that are meant to help you do just that. Are you ready? Let’s begin:
1. Make A Commitment To Yourself
I (name),
Make a commitment to myself,
To spend so much time improving myself and my life that I have no time for worry, judgement, criticism, whining and complaining;
To forgive, release and let go of my attachment to any past struggles and allow every challenge life sends my way to make me better not bitter.
Starting now, I make a commitment to let go of what’s behind me and start appreciating what’s in front of me;
To let go of all the pointless drama, all the toxic relationships, thoughts and behaviors that are present in my life and to constantly shift my focus from the bad on to the good;
To make room in my heart for love, happiness, peace and tranquility and to create my life from a place of infinite choices and possibilities – the present moment, and no longer from a place of limitations – the past.
I commit to staying true to myself at all times and to never betray myself just so I can please other people.
I commit myself to give up on toxic thought, behaviors and relationships but never on myself and my dreams.
Starting now and starting today, I will begin rebuilding my life and to make it ridiculously amazing.
Sincerely,
(name)
Once you truly commit to rebuilding your life and making it ridiculously amazing, nothing and no one will be able to stand in your way.
2. Forgive, Release And Let Go Of Past Hurts And Resentments
Fill your heart with love. Forgive, release and let go. Not necessary because those who mistreated you deserve it, but because you do. Let forgiveness liberate you from your past. Allow it to take away all the resentment you kept in heart for all this time and allow yourself to fill in that empty space with love, inner peace and compassion.
If others mistreated you in the past it doesn’t mean you have to continue their work. Look how beautiful Mark Twain talks about this: “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”
Release and let go of all the negativity from your life. Start small and trust that as you work on letting go of all the extra baggage that is weighting you down, you will begin to feel lighter and you will gain a lot more clarity over your life. You will feel happier and more at peace with yourself and the world around you.
3. Embrace With Grace All That You Face
Shift your focus from the bad on to the good, from the pain on to the gain, from resentment on to the forgiveness, gratitude and appreciation. Learn to embrace with grace all that you face.
Appreciate everything life sends your way, whether good or bad and know that “Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~ Melody Beattie
4. Visualize Your Achievements And Create Your Destiny
Ask yourself the same question I asked myself a few years ago when I decided to let go of my attachment to my past and begin rebuild my whole life: “If there were no limits to what I can do, be and have, how would my life look like?”
Let your imagination run wild. Dare to dream big. Don’t settle for less than you are worth.
The richer your imagination, the more beautiful your life will be.
“The power of imagination is incredible. Often we see athletes achieving unbelievable results and wonder how they did it. One of the tools they use is visualization or mental imagery… they made the choice to create their destinies and visualized their achievements before they ultimately succeeded.” ~ George Kohlrieser
See in your mind’s eye the life you would love to live, the person you would love to become and the relationships you would want to have. Live your life from the end and act as if all of the things you need and desire are already present in your life. Feel the feelings that come from having all those wonderful things happen to you and allow those feelings to be with you at all times.
5. Work Hard, Dream Big.
Act upon your heart’s desire. Do the things you need to do in order to get where you want to get. Read the books you need to read, contact the people you need to contact, build the skills you need to build.
Find a mentor. Dare to ask questions. Do whatever it takes to move yourself closer to making your dreams come true.
Trust that with every step you take, your life situation will improve and you will become even more happier than you already are.
6. Take One Step At A Time
Because of the many years of past conditioning and the intense training you have in holding on to toxic thoughts, behaviors and unhealthy relationships, giving up on all that is toxic in your life won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight. Chances are that you won’t see major improvements in your life immediately, and that’s okay. Be patient and gentle with yourself while working on rebuilding your life and remember to enjoy the journey.
“Focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.” ~ Greg
Take one step at a time and keep in mind that a journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.
7. Develop A Deep Trust In Life
You have to have faith. You have to have trust… Trust in yourself, trust in the people you interact with and trust in life.
Put your fears aside. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. Develop a deep trust in the wisdom of life. “Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” ~ Matthew 17:20
8. Give Yourself Permission To “Fail”
Give yourself permission to “fail” and make “mistakes”.
Trust me when I tell you that in every “mistake” there is a lesson to learn, lesson that will be very beneficial to you as you continue walking on your life’s chosen path.
“There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they’re necessary to reach the places we’ve chosen to go.” ~ Richard Bach
9. Be Good To Yourself
Love yourself and be good to yourself because if you do, the world around you will start mirroring your behavior. Take good care of your mind, body, heart and soul. Exercise, drink plenty of water, eat healthy and delicious food.
Nurture good thoughts. Act in compassionate and loving ways, towards yourself and the world around you. Spend time alone, spending at least 5 to 10 minutes per day in silence would make you help make you feel refreshed, rejuvenated and renewed.
Go outside. Spend some time in nature. Look at the plants, the sky, the stars, the moon and the trees. Celebrate the miracle of life.
“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~ Albert Einstein
10. Give Up Living Your Life To Other People’s Expectations
Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and their teachers, their government and the media think is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.
Never get your sense of worth from outside yourself. Your worth comes from inside yourself and not from forces outside yourself – people, events, material possessions. Don’t ever let other people tell you how much you’re worth, decide for yourself. It’s called self worth not others worth.
You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path.
11. Discipline Your Mind To Stay Present In The Now
Learn to be present and engaged in the present moment. Be happy with what you have, what you know and who you are right now. Don’t allow your mind to trick you into thinking that you won’t be happy until you get where you want to get.
Appreciate what’s in front of you. If you learn how to be present and engaged in the NOW, you will live a very happy and content life and no matter how many challenges life will send your way, you will become a better not bitter person.
“As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love – even the most simple action.” ~ Eckhart Tolle,
12. Surround Yourself With Loving And Supportive People
Surround yourself with positive, cheerful, supportive and loving people. People who can lift you up when you are feeling down; people who will turn on the light for you when you are in the dark; people who can see you for what you truly are and who you can truly become. Take the advice of Mark Twain and “Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
You need positive and loving friends who will support you in your new way of life…
Commit yourself to making the best of everything life sends your way. Be soft and flexible. Go with the flow of life and no longer against it.
Enjoy the ride and no matter what happens to you and no matter how many challenges and difficult people life might send your way, know that they are all there to help you grow and evolve into the beautiful being you so much want and deserve to be.
You only have one life to live. Make it a memorable one.
Give up on all the toxicity present in your life but never on yourself and your dreams, ok?
“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.” ~ Don Williams Jr.
Luminita D. Saviuc
On top of wisdom, there are three inner virtues which unexpectedly come with age.
People become more trusting as they get older, a new study finds.
This is just the reverse of the stereotype of cynical, suspicious, grumpy seniors played on by many a sitcom.
And trust is not the only inner virtue that comes with age.
Dr Claudia Haase, one of the study’s authors, said that greater trust may lead to more happiness with age:
“When we think of old age, we often think of decline and loss.
But a growing body of research shows that some things actually get better as we age.
Our new findings show that trust increases as people get older and, moreover, that people who trust more are also more likely to experience increases in happiness over time.”
On top of greater trust and happiness, people often experience more optimism with age.
Dr Haase said:
“We know that older people are more likely to look at the bright side of things.
As we age, we may be more likely to see the best in other people and forgive the little let-downs that got us so wary when we were younger.”
The conclusions come from two groups of people, one huge sample of almost 200,000 people from 83 countries.
This found a connection between aging and trust.
A second group of 1,230 people from the US were followed over time.
Dr Haase explained the results:
“For Millennials, Generation X, and Baby Boomers alike, levels of trust increase as people get older.
People really seem to be ‘growing to trust’ as they travel through their adult years.”
There was no evidence of disadvantages to older people’s more trusting nature.
Dr Michael Poulin, who co-authored the study, said:
“Both studies found a positive association between trust and well-being that was consistent across the life span, suggesting that trust is not a liability in old age.
Our findings suggest that trust may be an important resource for successful development across the life span.”
The study is published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science (Poulin and Haase, 2015)
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