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8 Mental Habits That Suck Happiness From Your Life

There are different personality traits people possess which pretty much map out how their lives unfold. Each of you have developed certain habits and emotional masks that determine how you deal with your life and the people in it. You may not even notice it, but certain habits have the ability to keep you happy while the others can make you downright miserable. Here are 8 habits that can suck happiness out of your life.

1. Not Forgiving Yourself

Let’s face it, everyone has regrets. You are allowed to feel guilty about certain life choices you have made, the blunders you committed, the promises you have broken, and the lies you have told. Nobody is perfect and no one is completely free of regrets. But that doesn’t mean you have to be entangled in your regrets forever. Everyone makes mistakes. Cut yourself some slack, learn to forgive yourself.

2. Holding On To Grudges

People are bound to hurt you in life. Sometimes what they have done is so bad that it leaves a permanent scar. It is not easy to forgive certain people or forget how much pain they have caused you. But forgiveness is a factor that often decides how you move on with your life. Grudges tie you down, weigh down your soul, and prevent you from embracing happiness. Forgiving someone does not negate the fact that they hurt you, it just means that you are free from feeling chained to that particular incident.

3. Not Being Grateful

This isn’t just about saying “thank you” without even giving it a second thought; it is about practicing gratitude. Do not waste your time and energy seething about why you didn’t get a table at your favorite restaurant on a busy Saturday night, or because the waiter brought your regular fries instead of sweet potato fries. Be grateful that you are lucky enough to afford going to a restaurant or that you have people to wait on you. Never stop telling yourself how better off you are compared to so many others.

4. Thinking In Extremes

When something good happens you are ecstatic, and when things don’t go the way you want, you immediately sink into deep blues. This can reflect upon the way you connect with people too- if you love someone you are ready to die for them, and if you hate someone you want to see them suffer at any cost. This is a behavior that can never do you any good. Learn to balance things out. Try to find a silver lining, no matter how bad the situation is or how much a person sucks. Nothing good comes out of extreme negativity. Similarly try not to go overboard when you are happy- this does not mean you have to undermine your happiness, just that you should keep things a bit low key instead of throwing confetti for every good thing that happens in your life.

5. Following Double Standards

Sometimes you are quick to judge certain people and adamant about sticking to your judgment no matter what they do. Chances are that you have placed high standards for others that you yourself don’t even follow. There are also times when the person you hate the most is actually very much like you. Hypocrisy is something that can eat you from the inside, making you feel miserable. Try not to keep double standards, it will only make you feel like a fraud.

6. Putting Everything And Everyone In The Same Slot

Stop yourself from generalizing everything and everyone. All men aren’t the same. All women aren’t the same either. Not everyone who asks for your help is trying to con you. No, you will not fail at everything. And all your choices aren’t bad. True that people and situations disappoint you from time to time. But this does not mean things never change- learn to take risks, and some things and certain people will eventually turn around.

7. Believing Things Are Out Of Your Hand

You often feel that life is never under your control. It ‘s a fact that you can never plan your life too much, but that does not mean you can’t change it’s course. You may feel you don’t have the reins in your hand, though it has been within your reach all along. All you have to do is grab hold of your life and direct it the way you want to go. It might not always work in your favor, but you will never know until you try.

8. Thinking Someone Will Eventually Make You Happy

A common mistake committed by many is that they depend on others for happiness. Yes, humans are social beings, and we do need human company to be happy. But does not mean the key to your happiness is in the hands of someone else. Life is too short. It has no time for selfish friends, negligent partners, or judgmental relatives. It is up to you to save your ass and keep yourself happy.

Apr 21, 2017    by CureJoy Editorial
 
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Just 10 Minutes of Meditation Boosts Mood and Focus for People With Anxiety

It also prompted a shift away from future-oriented worrying and helped people focus on the present. 

People who suffer from anxiety are often plagued by repetitive thoughts, which can distract from the task at hand and affect mood and productivity. But a new study suggests that just 10 minutes of daily meditation can help reduce episodes of mind wandering, especially for people who report high levels of emotional stress.

Previous research has found that meditation can help prevent “off-task thinking” in healthy individuals, but this study, published in the journal Consciousness and Cognition, aimed to determine the benefits of mindfulness specifically as they relate to anxiety.

Researchers from the University of Waterloo asked 82 college students, all of whom met the clinical criteria for anxiety, to perform a monotonous computer task that measured their ability to stay focused. At random points throughout, the participants were asked to reveal their thoughts “just prior to this moment.”

Then they divided the participants into two groups: One listened to an excerpt from The Hobbit, and the other listened to a 10-minute meditation that instructed them to focus on breathing and “remain open-minded to their experience.” (You can listen to the same recording, called Mindfulness of Body and Breath, here.)

The groups then repeated the computer task. This time, 43 percent of thoughts in the meditation group were considered “mind wandering,” meaning they weren’t related to the task or to things going on around them, down slightly from 44 percent in the pre-test.

In the group that listened to the audio story, the percentage of mind-wandering thoughts actually increased—from 35 percent in the pre-test to 55 percent in the post-test.

The meditation group also reported a significant decrease in “future-oriented thoughts,” from 35 percent before the mindfulness exercise to 25 percent after. This could indicate a shift in thinking from internal worries (about tomorrow’s exam, for example) to things going on around them in the moment (say, a dirty computer monitor or a flickering light), the authors say. That’s important, because stressing about future events is a hallmark of anxiety.

And while meditation didn’t reduce all forms of off-task thinking in the study (like being distracted by external stimuli), it did appear to lessen performance disruptions associated with those thoughts. Both groups also experienced a decrease in negative emotions between the pre-test and the post-test.

“In short, meditation is beneficial in both improving mood and helping people stay focused in their thoughts and also behaviors,” says lead author and PhD student Mengran Xu. “The two do go together.”

Mind wandering accounts for almost half of humans’ daily stream of consciousness, Xu adds. It can cause us to make errors on everyday tasks, like mailing an envelope without its contents, but it’s also been associated with an increased risk of injury and death while driving, difficulties in school, and impaired performance in everyday life.

By Amanda MacMillan        May 3, 2017


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Conquering Negative Thinking

Here’s a New Year’s challenge for the mind: Make this the year that you quiet all those negative thoughts swirling around your brain.

All humans have a tendency to be a bit more like Eeyore than Tigger, to ruminate more on bad experiences than positive ones. It’s an evolutionary adaptation that helps us avoid danger and react quickly in a crisis.

But constant negativity can also get in the way of happiness, add to our stress and worry level and ultimately damage our health. And some people are more prone to negative thinking than others. Thinking styles can be genetic or the result of childhood experiences, said Judith Beck, a psychologist and the president of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy in Bala Cynwyd, Pa. Children may develop negative thinking habits if they have been teased or bullied, or experienced blatant trauma or abuse. Women, overall, are also more likely to ruminate than men, according to a 2013 study.

“We were built to overlearn from negative experiences, but under learn from positive ones,” said Rick Hanson, a psychologist and senior fellow at the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley.

But with practice you can learn to disrupt and tame negative cycles.

The first step to stopping negative thoughts is a surprising one. Don’t try to stop them. If you are obsessing about a lost promotion or the results of the presidential election, whatever you do, don’t tell yourself, “I have to stop thinking about this.”

“Worry and obsession get worse when you try to control your thoughts,” Dr. Beck said.

Instead, notice that you are in a negative cycle and own it. Tell yourself, “I’m obsessing about my bad review.” Or “I’m obsessing about the election.”

By acknowledging your negative cycle and accepting it, you are on your way to taming your negative thoughts. Acceptance is the basic premise of mindfulness meditation, a practice that helps reduce stress and reactivity. You don’t necessarily have to close your eyes and meditate every day to reap the benefits of mindfulness. You can remind yourself to notice your thoughts in a nonjudgmental manner, without trying to change or alter them right away.

Accepting negative thoughts can also help lessen their weight. Getting mad at yourself for worrying or telling yourself to stop worrying only adds fuel to the negativity fire.

After you’ve accepted a negative thought, force yourself to challenge it.

Let’s go back to the setback at work. Perhaps not getting the promotion made you worry about your overall competence and you were berating yourself about your skills. Ask yourself, “Why would one setback mean that I am incompetent?” Or you might ask, “What have I done in the past that shows I am actually a very competent worker?”

If you’re having trouble challenging your negative thoughts, try this approach. Imagine that your friend is the one who received the bad news. What advice would you give him or her? Now think of how that advice might apply to you.

optimism

A study conducted at Ohio State University found that this method — known as Socratic questioning — was a simple way to reduce depressive symptoms in adults. In the study, 55 adults were enrolled in a 16-week course of cognitive therapy sessions. Researchers studied videotapes of the sessions and found that the more frequently therapists used Socratic questioning, the more the patients’ depressive symptoms lessened. The study’s authors theorized that Socratic questioning helped patients examine the validity of their negative thoughts and gain a broader, more realistic perspective on them.

There will be times when your bleak thoughts are actually valid, but your projections about what’s next are not. Consider this scenario: Your partner has left you for someone else. “My partner doesn’t love me anymore,” might be accurate, said Dr. Beck, but “No one else will ever love me,” is probably not.

Now move from a place of inaction to action to counteract the negative thought. If you are worried about feeling unloved, check in with friends and family members. If you are feeling insecure at work, make a list of your accomplishments. Perhaps ask your best friend to write you a letter telling you all the ways in which you are a good, kind person. Reread the letter daily.

Dr. Hanson, author of “Hardwiring Happiness: The New Brain Science of Contentment, Calm, and Confidence,” said it may be helpful to ask yourself if you are accomplishing anything by dwelling on your negative thoughts. If you’re ruminating on your financial problems during a run around the track in hopes of finding a solution, then that is useful. But fretting for lap after lap about the president-elect or a foreign crisis is not going to accomplish anything.

When your negative thoughts are making you feel agitated and overwhelmed, take a deep breath, and then another. Practicing controlled breathing can help lower the stress response and calm anxious thoughts.

Finally, if your thoughts are making you feel seriously distressed and interfering with your ability to work and relax, consider seeing a mental health professional. Therapists who specialize in cognitive therapy, which teaches practical ways to cope with persistent and unwanted thoughts, may be particularly helpful. If the underlying source of your thoughts is clinical depression or intense anxiety, you might want to talk with a professional about the root cause of your negative thinking patterns and discuss medications that can be helpful.

While you are sorting out what approach works best for you, give yourself a break and have compassion for your overwrought thoughts.

“The more you dwell on the negative, the more accustomed your brain becomes to dwelling on the negative,” said Dr. Hanson, who suggests asking yourself, “Are my thoughts helping to build me up, or tear me down?”

 

By LESLEY ALDERMAN     JANUARY 3, 2017
 
source: nytimes.com


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A Simple Test Could Help Identify Thinking Problems

Test identifies smaller brain volume and problems with thinking.

A simple saliva test could help identify thinking problems in older people, a new study finds.

The study found a connection between the stress hormone cortisol and thinking skills.

Higher cortisol levels in the evening were linked to worse thinking skills and smaller brain volumes.

Dr Lenore J. Launer, one of the study’s authors, said:

“Studies have shown that depression increases the risk for dementia, but we don’t know much about how this relationship occurs.
High levels of the stress hormone cortisol have been found in people with depression, and the theory is that cortisol has a toxic effect on the hippocampus area of the brain, which plays an important role in memory.”

The study included data from 4,244 people who did not have dementia.

cortisol test saliva

Dr Launer said:

“Since this study just looked at a snapshot in time, we don’t know which came first: the high levels of cortisol or the loss of brain volume.
It’s possible that the loss of brain volume that can occur with aging leads to a lesser ability of the brain to stop the effects of cortisol, which in turn leads to further loss of brain cells.
Understanding these relationships may help us develop strategies to reduce the effects of cortisol on the brain and thinking skills.”

The research was published in the journal Neurology (Mirjam et al., 2015).

source: PsyBlog