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Patience

Don’t Let Frustration Get the Better of You

Patience is a virtue, and there’s a reason – it’s a tough skill to master.

Imagine, for instance, that you’re waiting for someone to finish compiling a report that you need for a meeting. You’re already late, you can feel your body getting tense, and you’re starting to get angry. Suddenly, you lose your temper and yell at the person for putting you behind schedule. You can tell that they’re shocked and upset by your outburst, but you can’t help it.

We likely all lose our patience occasionally. But doing so frequently or inappropriately can harm your reputation, damage your relationships, increase stress, or escalate a difficult situation.

In this article, we explore different kinds of patience and how they apply in the workplace. We also examine the strategies that you can use to develop and nurture this essential quality.

What Is Patience?
Patience is the ability to stay calm while you’re waiting for an outcome that you need or want. According to research by psychologist Sarah Schnitker, it comes in three main varieties: interpersonal patience, life hardship patience, and daily hassles patience.

Let’s look at these in more detail:

1. Interpersonal Patience
Interpersonal patience is patience with other people, their demands and their failings.

You may consider some people to be slow learners, hard to understand, or even downright unreasonable. Or, they may have bad habits that drive you crazy. But losing your patience with them will be of no benefit, and it may make matters worse.

Patience and understanding toward others is essential when you’re onboarding new staff, or when you’re delegating tasks. It’s also a huge help in dealing with difficult co-workers or managers, and it’s central to high-quality customer service.

This type of patience is active. Listening skills and empathy  are vital, and, when you’re dealing with difficult people , you need the self-awareness  and emotional intelligence  to understand how your words and actions affect the situation. You can’t just wait it out and hope for the best.

2. Life Hardship Patience
We could use the term perseverance to sum up life hardship patience. It can mean having the patience to overcome a serious setback in life, like waiting long term for the outcome of a lawsuit, or for medical treatment. But it can also include your ability to work toward a long-term goal – whether it’s professional, such as a promotion, or personal, like getting fit or saving for a vacation.

Whatever the obstacle you have to overcome, it will likely require determination and focus  to achieve. And you will need to keep your emotions under control throughout the journey. These emotions can range from eagerness to get it done, to anger at the frustrations you encounter along the way – which can cause you to become demotivated.

3. Daily Hassles Patience
Sometimes you need patience to deal with circumstances that are beyond your control. These are your “life hassles.” Something as trivial as getting stuck in a traffic line, for instance, or waiting for a computer program to load.

You also need patience to get through those dull but unavoidable day-to-day tasks that don’t necessarily contribute to your personal goals. The ability to maintain self-discipline , and give a job – no matter how mundane – the attention to detail it needs, is a hallmark of patience.

Research suggests that people who can stay calm in the face of these constant, petty frustrations are more likely to be more empathic, more equitable, and to suffer less from depression.

The Benefits and Risks of Patience
In general, being patient means that you’re more likely viewed positively by your co-workers and managers (and your family and friends). You’ll likely be a better team worker, and more focused and productive.

If you’re often impatient, people may see you as arrogant, insensitive and impulsive. Co-workers may think that you’re a poor decision maker, because you make snap judgments or interrupt people. If you get a reputation for having poor people skills and a bad temper, others may even deliberately avoid working with you. As a result, not surprisingly, impatient people will unlikely be top of the list for promotion.

Of course, being patient doesn’t mean you should be a “pushover.” Far from it. Sometimes it’s OK to show your displeasure when people keep you waiting unnecessarily. So, ensure that you establish strong boundaries . But, be sure that you’re polite and assertive , never angry and aggressive.

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it open.
– Arnold Glasow, American humorist.

Understanding Impatience
Impatience has its roots in frustration. It’s a feeling of rising stress that starts when you feel that your needs and wishes are being ignored. In a modern environment where we’re accustomed to instant communication and immediate access to data, it’s a growing problem. But recognizing the warning signs can help you to prevent impatience from taking hold.

Impatience Symptoms
Impatience has a range of symptoms. Physical signs can include shallow, fast breathing, muscle tension, and hand clenching. Or you may find yourself restlessly jiggling your feet.

There may be changes in your mood and thoughts, too. You may become irritable, angry, or experience anxiety or nervousness. Rushing to do things and making snap decisions – the symptoms of hurry sickness  – are clear signs that your impatience is gaining the upper hand.

Impatience Triggers
If you experience these feelings and symptoms, try to identify what has caused them. Many of us have “triggers” for impatience. These could be specific people, words or situations.

Make a list of things that cause you to become impatient. If you’re having trouble identifying your triggers, stop and think about the last time you felt this way. What caused it?

If you’re not sure, ask your co-workers (or your friends and family) about your impatience. Chances are, they know what gets you “wound up.” The 5 Whys  technique can also aid you in identifying the root cause of an issue.

Try keeping a journal  to record when you start to feel impatient. Write down the details of the situation, and why you’re getting frustrated. This can help you to examine your actions and to understand why you respond in this way.

You won’t always be able to avoid the triggers that make you impatient. But you can learn to manage your reactions to them.

Tip:   Many people become impatient due to physical factors such as hunger, dehydration or fatigue . Bear this in mind the next time you start to feel impatient. A simple remedy might be a snack and a glass of water!

Managing the Symptoms of Impatience
When you feel impatient, it’s important to get out of this damaging frame of mind as quickly as possible. Try to develop strategies to deal with your impatience as you notice it.

Managing Physical Symptoms
Take deep, slow breaths, and count to 10. Doing this will slow your heart rate, relax your body, and distance you emotionally from the situation. Sometimes you might need a longer count, or to repeat the process several times.

Impatience can cause you to tense your muscles involuntarily. So, consciously focus on relaxing your body . Again, take slow, deep breaths. Relax your muscles, from your toes up to the top of your head.

Force yourself to slow down. Make yourself speak and move more slowly. It will appear to others as if you’re calm – and acting patient often makes you feel more patient.

Emotional Symptoms
Remember, you do have a choice about how you react to certain situations. You can choose to be patient, or not: it’s up to you. (Read our article, Managing Your Emotions at Work , to learn more about this.)

Challenge your negative assumptions, instead of letting your impatience build. Aim to reframe the circumstances in a more positive light. For example, people might not mind if a meeting is delayed, as long as you let them know in advance that you’re running late. There may even be benefits to the delay: understanding a developing situation more clearly, for example.

Warning:Uncharacteristic displays of impatience may be a sign of underlying problems such as stress , exhaustion or burnout . If you think this may apply to you, seek advice from a qualified health professional.

Being Patient With Other People
If your impatience causes you to react angrily toward others, read our article on Anger Management  to learn how to control this powerful emotion.

Practicing empathy can also enable you to defuse your impatience. Give the other person your full attention, and try to see beyond your own frustrations by imagining yourself in the other person’s position.

Remind yourself that impatience rarely has a positive effect – in fact, it may even interfere with the person’s ability to perform. Impatience will likely generate more conflict and stress, which will be counterproductive.

Although some people are naturally patient, the rest of us need to practice, for it to become a habit. Becoming more patient won’t happen overnight, but persistence can pay off!

Key Points
Patience is a vital quality in the workplace. It can reduce stress and conflict, lead to better working relationships, and help you to achieve your long-term life and career goals.
Many of us struggle with impatience. Learn to recognize the physical and emotional symptoms associated with it, and to identify the situations that trigger it.
When you understand the causes of your impatience, you can develop strategies to prevent or overcome it. These could include attending to your physical well-being by using deep breathing and relaxation techniques, and developing your empathy and emotional intelligence skills.

 

By the Content Team
 
source: https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newTCS_78.htm 

patience

 

7 Strategies to Build Your Patience Muscles

Patience is one of those virtues that sounds simple from a distance. However, while the thought of waiting for something you want or need seems easy in theory, it is much more arduous in practice. When you’re actually faced with the obstacle, the entire concept of patience grows more challenging, and it can be difficult to improve patience in the moment.
This test of patience rings true not just for Type-A East Coasters like me, but also for special education teachers, speech therapists, and nurses – who drip with patience. At times, it’s not a muscle that’s easy to flex no matter who you are.
Some people have more patience for family and loved ones, while others find strangers actually easier to be patient around. For some, the smaller the obstacle, the less the patience – and for others, the opposite is true.
Whatever or whomever your trigger, patience is most difficult to muster up when you encounter a roadblock or waiting time between you and that something you want or need. Whether it’s as simple as:
  • The long line at the grocery store when you just want to get home with your groceries
  • The hold time when you want to speak to a customer service representative
  • The five minutes you must wait when your spouse is running late for dinner
  • Waiting for your computer to reboot
  • Traffic!
Or as BIG as:
  • Waiting for your doctor to call you with test results
  • Waiting to hear back about whether or not you got that promotion or dream job
  • Waiting for an investor’s offer on a business
No matter the gravity of the situation, mindfulness can help you practice patience. What is the link between mindfulness and patience? Let’s have a look:
Patience vs. Mindfulness
To understand the role mindfulness plays in being patient, let’s make sure we are all working off of the same definition of patience, which, according to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary means, “bearing pains or trials calmly and without compliant” and “steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.”
You can’t really practice patience if you’re not mindful – aware of the situation you’re in and your reaction to it. In the face of discomfort, inconvenience, or difficulty, which is an inevitable part of life on this planet, you must persevere calmly, steadily, and mindfully.
This may be easier in the face of some of the simple inconveniences, like waiting in line or in traffic, and can become much more difficult at the center of a very troubling or prolonged situation.
The good news is that even the most impatient people can improve patience. And there are ample opportunities to practice being patient, given the inevitable inconveniences, annoyances, and unplanned challenges that show up pretty much all the time. So you want to get better at patience? You must practice patience. Here are seven strategies you can use to build your patience muscles.
Pause and Breathe
If you use the time you must wait to take a few deep breaths, your nervous system will slow down instead of speed up. In some situations, by the time you have taken 10 deep breaths, your wait will be over. In others, these breaths will help to center you and invite a calmer reaction to the wait.
Stop Resisting
Have you ever noticed that when you meet an unplanned inconvenience or challenge with resistance, you are really thrown off – and your mood can turn sour and heavy? Everything becomes about overcoming and removing the challenge when you resist it.
On the other hand, when you meet an unplanned inconvenience or challenge with calmness, your mood remains steady and patient. This is the power in responding, rather than reacting to unwelcome circumstances. Most often, it is not external circumstances that make you upset, it is your reaction to those external circumstances that causes the greater dose of stress in life.
How do you control this when you’re at risk for getting impatient? The trick here is to reduce resisting experiences that come your way, where you are unable to affect change. Practicing acceptance does not necessarily mean you like, want, support, or endorse everything you cross paths with. Rather, it means you’re choosing to allow it to be there without resistance, when you can’t change it anyway.
In this way, practicing patience is to practice making your default reaction to accept what is with openness, rather than resist it. This does not mean you have to welcome the situation with open arms and enthusiasm – it just means that you avoid resisting it and let it happen within a neutral attitude.
Acknowledge the Effects of Impatience
In the moment, notice what is making you impatient and ask yourself:
  • Do I have control over the situation? If not, what do I have control over in this moment?
  • Is the feeling of impatience helping or exacerbating the impact of the situation?
  • What emotion or mood would be more helpful, instead of the impatience?
Look for the Silver Lining or Lesson
Get curious about the particular moment you are in. Is there anything about the challenging or inconvenient situation that may land a positive impact on your life? Is there anything positive that was not available to you before – and now is – now that this challenge has presented itself?
This may be include meeting someone new, discovering a new coffee shop, or having the opportunity to practice patience and exercise those muscles.
Use the Extra Time Wisely
Now that you have extra time in this moment, what will you do with it? Instead of focusing on the thing that is in your way, or the thing you are after, focus on something else you normally don’t have time for.
After all, how often do you find yourself with “extra time?” Probably not very often. Use that time to meditate, read an article, listen to a podcast, text something nice to a loved one, or practice gratitude.
Try a Mini Meditation
Take a time-out and practice a short meditation to help you calm any frustration or anger that may result from the situation you are in. Here are 10 mini meditations you can try.
Befriend the Situation
Assume that the obstacle before you was put in your way because you needed to slow down and take a break.
Watch your impulse to perceive the challenge before you as unfair or as bad timing. Instead, shake off any anger or frustration and take this as a cue that an old friend is reminding you that you need a moment to slow down and reset.
If you shift your thinking about the meaning of the obstacle, you’ll wind up arriving wherever you’re headed with a calmer, clearer mind and attitude.
Getting better at being patient will make your life (and the lives of those around you) easier and ultimately will make you a happier person. After all – adversity won’t be going away anytime soon – it’s part of the human experience and you can’t escape it. So you may as well learn to improve your patience and calmly endure the setbacks, difficulties, and unwelcome roadblocks along the way.


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22 Life-Changing Lessons From “The Motivation Manifesto”

by Laura Probert   March 3, 2016 

Have you ever read a book and wished you’d written it yourself? For me, that book is Brendon Burchard’s The Motivation Manifesto — a compelling primer on how to overcome self-doubt and establish personal freedom.

I’ve dedicated many years to studying the art of training my mind, feeling my body, and untethering my soul, and this book’s powerful words had me constantly nodding my head.

Brendon Burchard — an acclaimed author and motivational trainer — really gets what it means to be a warrior (he survived a life-threatening car accident at the age of 19), and he’ll guide you on your journey to becoming one as well.

Now take a deep breath, sink down deep into the center of your body, and read these 22 quotes and take-aways from an utterly inspiring text.

Magic is about living in the moment. 

1. “We are not slave to our history. We can be freed by our conscious thoughts and disciplined habits.”

In other words, a new level of awareness materializes when you start actively training your mind and developing habits.

2. “If we are not vigilant, being around constant worry can quickly limit who we are and what we might be capable of.”

Whenever possible, choose to surround yourself with people who are positive and purposeful.

3. “If yesterday’s hardships are stealing our aliveness today then we must seek another level of consciousness.”

If you’re still living in the past and letting outdated thoughts, beliefs, and memories drive your present, wake up and recognize that you’re sabotaging yourself.

4. “What can I focus on in my life this exact moment to sense some peace, gratitude, or enthusiasm?”

You have the power to choose your next thought. Choose a good one.

5. “Am I feeling this life?”

Brendon poses some great, big questions through the course of his book, and this one is fantastic because it asks you to get in touch with your underlying feelings. I’m a big fan of using these conceptual questions as journaling prompts.

6. “Avoidance is the best long-term strategy to ensure suffering.”

Oh my, are you feeling this one? Stop procrastinating — even on the stuff that scares the shit out of you. Face it. Get it done. I promise you, the solution to your fear lies in the middle of your action.

7. “Be a guardian of your own mind, body, and soul.”

This quote speaks to a deeper level of self-care. In life, we have to be our own guardians and fiercely protect ourselves and our territory.

The solution to your fear lies in the middle of your action. 

8. “Be aware of the information entering your mind. Seek empowering information that moves your life forward.”

This quote speaks to all those moments that we ruin with negativity. (I’m thinking mostly about television and media.) Turn the distractions off and go do something more positive and inspiring with your time.

9. Take positive, meaningful action.

This is my interpretation of Brendon’s take on action. Remember, you can create your own definition of “meaningful.” And when you combine it with positivity and purpose, you have a magic wand in your hands.

How many actions do you take every day that aren’t meaningful, positive, or purposeful? When you realize all the opportunities to shift your purpose, you’ll get excited.

10. What are you asking for?

Throughout the book, Brendon challenges readers to analyze what they’re asking for with their actions. What do your actions point to? When you take a look at how you spend your time and who you spend it with, you’ll figure out what you’re actually asking of the Universe.

11. Love is the divine essence or thread that connects us all.

Brendon does a lovely job talking about the energy of love. When you realize that love is a never-ending source of clarity, you’ll wake up to the fact that you’re getting in the way of its flow. Open yourself up to giving and receiving love.

love

 

If you are awake, you have a choice. 

12. Don’t make me guess about what ignites your soul.

Brendon’s words demonstrate the importance of speaking up for yourself. How will people ever know what you’re all about unless you say it? Be brave!

13. “Don’t limit your vision based on the number of people who nod.”

Wow, you gotta be feeling this one with me. Don’t make your dream smaller because you’re waiting for someone else’s approval.

14. Revive the magic.

Magic is about living in the moment and remaining aware of everything around you. Brendon encourages readers to revive that feeling inside and look for magic everywhere.

15. “To master life is to transform the energy we feel at any moment into cheerful engagement and deep appreciation.”

If you are awake, you have a choice. When things don’t feel right, you can transform the energy of fear into joy.

16. “Freely chosen attitude is a treasure available to us all.”

This is another way of saying that we have the choice to think, believe, and act in any way we deem good, better, best for us.

It takes a warrior to stand up for what matters. 

17. “Don’t become a catastrophe of energetic conformity.”

I love when Brendon talks about how it’s possible to get carried away in other people’s energy. Just because everyone else is being negative, hateful, or ungrateful, doesn’t mean we have to be. Don’t let the energy of other people waste yours. Be vigilant about this. It takes a warrior to stand up for what matters.

18. Make enthusiasm a practice.

Whatever way you want to feel, make it a practice. It’s in that disciplined behavior that your life will start to change.

19. “Let us master the art of curiosity, release, play, and cheerful engagement of the moment.”

In this case, Brendon is referring to the energy of a child. He asks that adults resort back to this art and use its energy to infuse moments and change focus.

20. “Meet struggle with intense and spirited joy.”

I love this one. It’s so easy to meet struggle with anxiety, sadness, resignation, doubt, or fear. We’ve practiced that too much — let’s try something different.

21. “Struggle does not always have to equal suffering.”

We are all conditioned to believe that the struggles and problems we face are against us, but what if they are here to teach us how to grow and evolve?

22. Awareness + Discipline = Freedom.

And lastly, this is a formula I put together after reflecting on the book’s teachings. The Motivation Manifesto is all about finding the personal freedom to be a warrior in your own life and achieve your dreams to make the world a better place. What better way to live?


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7 Ways Mentally Strong People Deal With Stress

Jul 27, 2015   Amy Morin     What Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

While stress causes some people to crumble, mentally strong people are able to thrive despite added tension. In fact, they view adversity as an opportunity for growth. Whether they’re dealing with financial setbacks, health problems, or workplace difficulties, mentally strong people don’t let stress drag them down.

Here are 7 ways mentally strong people handle stress effectively:

1. They accept that stress is part of life.

While some people waste time and energy thinking things like, “I shouldn’t have to deal with this,” mentally strong people know that setbacks, problems, and hardships are inevitable. When stressful situations arise, they devote their efforts into doing what they can to move forward. Even when they can’t change the circumstances, they know they can always take steps to improve their lives.

2. They keep problems in proper perspective.

Rather than think that a flat tire has the power to ruin their whole day, mentally strong people keep inconveniences in proper perspective. When tempted to catastrophize a minor event — such as thinking one mistake could ruin their whole career — they respond by reframing the message they give themselves, and refuse to allow a pessimistic inner monologue to take hold.

mental strength

3. They take care of their physical health.

Mentally strong people recognize the importance of keeping their bodies in smooth operating condition. They recognize they won’t be able to combat stress if they’re worn out and running on empty. They exercise, get plenty of sleep, and maintain a diet that keeps them healthy.

4. They choose healthy coping skills.

While some people turn to alcohol, junk food, or other unhealthy vices to help them escape stress, mentally strong people cope with discomfort in a productive manner. They allow themselves to feel uncomfortable emotions like anxiety, fear, and sadness head-on. They use healthy activities, like going for a walk or participating in a hobby, to cope with emotional pain.

5. They balance social activity with solitude.

Sometimes, in an attempt to avoid facing problems, people fill their schedules with social activities. Others deal with stress by withdrawing from friends and family. Mentally strong people strike a balance: They maintain a healthy social life even when they’re stressed, but they also reserve time to be alone with their thoughts.

6.They acknowledge their choices.

Stress can cause people to feel like victims of bad circumstances. Mentally strong people acknowledge that everything they do, from the time they wake up until the time they go to sleep, is a choice. They’re willing to say no to things they don’t want to do and they accept responsibility for their behavior.

7. They look for the silver lining.

Mentally strong people don’t necessarily see the world through rose-colored glasses—they have a realistic outlook—but they do look for the silver lining in tough circumstances. They recognize that good things can come from stressful situations. Rather than allowing hardship to turn them into bitter people or helpless victims, they choose to use stressful circumstances to become stronger and better.

Amy Morin, LCSW, is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and the author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do.     What Mentally Strong People Don’t Do    Training your brain for happiness and success


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How You See the World Is How the World Sees You

by Vishnus Virtues

Growing up, I believed the world I lived in was a struggle.

And you know, I was right.

It was.

At home, I repeatedly heard things like, “money doesn’t grow on trees,” and “we can’t afford that.” I began to notice that things that I wanted cost too much and were out of reach.

While working in our small family business growing up, I heard my parents say regularly that business was a struggle and it was hard to make it by every month. And again, it was. Our family tried to save money everywhere it could and put off putting things until the next month. I remember asking for fee waivers for different projects at school or scholarships to go on field trips.

I noticed that our financial and economic life was a struggle.

My Indian parents talked (lectured) a lot but were not very open in communicating and never spoke about their feelings. I came to see the world as one where it was abnormal to talk about feelings and normal to hide how one really felt.

In my own relationships and marriage later, I came to see non-communication as acceptable without realizing how detrimental it was. Talking about feelings felt like a sign of weakness and it was better to be silent than bringing emotions into the mix.

I’ve realized that our perspective in life stems from the things we’ve experienced and the people we’ve interacted with.

The way you view the world reflects the way the world has treated you.

The way the world has treated you gives you the lenses you use to see the circumstances in your life.

  • Believe in lack and poverty: encounter financial insecurity.
  • Believe in adversity and tough times: perceive everything in life as a struggle.
  • Believe that dreams take forever to come true: notice that your life is at a constant standstill.

If you have certain negative beliefs about the way the world works and the way the world treats you — beliefs you’ve developed throughout the course of your life — know that there’s good news: you can do something about it.

You can turn around your disempowering view of life.

To see the world differently, you must change the filter you’re using to view the circumstances around you.

Once you change the filter you use to see the world; you’ll perceive life events as entirely different from what you previously imagined. And ultimately, you’ll live a much richer and more abundant life.

Here’s 4 ways you can change your life’s beliefs to have more empowering life experiences:

1. Awaken to your world view.

Most of your life you’ve taken what people have told you about your life and merged it with your personal experiences. This has shaped your world view.

What you must do now is call out this world view and realize it’s just one perspective.

If you believe that finding a job is difficult or that doing your life’s work is impossible, become aware of this perspective.

Take note of the beliefs you hold in each area of your life.

What is your belief about money?

What is your belief about work?

What is your view about problems and struggles you face?

world-projection perspective

As a simple exercise, write down each area of your life you want to explore: Money, Work, Dreams, Career, Job Security, Relationships, etc.

Under each category, write down what you believe about that area. What are your views about each area?

For example, work. Do you believe that the harder you work, the more you earn?

Do you believe that to earn more, you need more education?

Do you believe that work has to be in an office and 9-5?

Do you believe in staying in one job for life?

Notice these are simply beliefs that represent one perspective. These beliefs are not true for everyone – just true for you.

2. Flip the script.

If you’ve written your take on each area of your life, you’re in a place to change your life’s perspective.

Now, review each area and acknowledge that your views and beliefs about the world may not be the ultimate truth.

Your beliefs may be true for you based on your circumstances, but they’re not the ultimate “truth. ”

These beliefs may be true for you based on what you heard when you were growing up and on the life experiences you’ve had, but room exists for a different perspective.

If you have a negative or disempowering world view, acknowledge this and be open to the existence of an opposing world view.

If you believe money is tight and difficult to come by, acknowledge that the opposite world view is that money is easy to come by and the world is filled with abundance.

If you believe your job is a means of earning a living and that’s it, acknowledge that your work is your life’s greatest contribution. Acknowledge that some people are living their purpose while doing their life’s work every day.

Whatever negative or disempowering views you have of the world, look at the opposite and contrary view of what you currently believe.

3. See the world through new lenses.

Once you have a better understanding of what you believe and how you see the world, and after you’ve acknowledged the flip side of the coin, start seeing the world through a new set of lenses.

When something happens to you or around you, don’t neatly store that new incident in the same old belief system file.

Be willing to challenge the way you interpret the events in your life.

If you encounter a problem, look for the lesson in it.

If you face a setback at work, determine how it helps you pursue your greater purpose.

If a salesman tricks you, realize how much savvier you’ve become as a result.

If someone breaks your heart, see how it’s really setting you up for your life’s best relationship.

When dealing with life’s events, know that you have two choices and that you have the power to determine how you see each event.

You can view the circumstance or problem through your old lenses and your former belief system, or you can look at it under a more empowering light.

You determine whether it’s positive or negative.

You decide whether it’s helpful or harmful.

You choose whether the life event is a setback or a lesson.

I’m encouraging you to look at your life events using your new perspective – via the shades of abundance, happiness, positivity and growth.

Look at situations and people in the best light.

4. Celebrate, call out and expect to see the world you desire.

Here’s the best part about seeing the world through a different set of lenses.

Your life will literally start to change.

If you perceive people as helpful and events (even bad ones) as leaning in your favor, you’ll encounter a world that’s pulling for you and that
wants you to succeed.

To keep the good things coming your way, acknowledge and celebrate the new developments in your life.

Instead of seeing a bad boss as a terrible manager, realize how much better you’re becoming at your work through the mentoring you’re receiving. Also, acknowledge how much better you’re getting at dealing with abusive bosses.

Instead of seeing a layoff as a life-crushing event, call it out as a positive, life-changing event. You would never have left the job you hated, but the fact that you were let go allows you to reprioritize your life and do work that really matters.

Continue to see circumstances with positive new lenses.

Acknowledge the circumstances of your life and celebrate them. Try to appreciate everything that happens to you and look for the silver linings even in the worst life events.

Stay optimistic; expect things to turn out in your favor.

Expect to encounter people who help you, work that promotes you, relationships that fulfill you and gifts from nowhere that truly surprise you.

Maintain a positive vibe and be open to the possibility that the world will create positive circumstances in your life.

And come to see how every circumstance furthers your purpose, improves your life and gets you closer to your dreams.

Once you choose to see the world in a more uplifting light, you’ll notice positive developments, favorable events and more abundance.

Your perspective and belief system 

shape your world view.

Be willing to flip your perspective and alter your belief system and watch your life transform.

Vishnus Virtues, Author, Blogger and Life Coach
Vishnu writes a popular relationship and personal development coaching blog. He coaches people who are going through divorces start over, get unstuck and find their purpose in life.


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The Only 3 Choices To Make When You Want To Be Happy

by Cheryl Paige     December 4, 2015 

She looked at me and said, “It doesn’t matter what I do; I can’t change it.” This wasn’t the first time I’d heard words like this leave a friend’s mouth, but it was the first time since I had experienced some awakenings of my own.

I used to feel, as my friend did, that my life was happening to me. The belief that we don’t get to chart the course of our lives was deeply ingrained in our subconsciouses, which makes us feel totally powerless, leading to frustration and unhappiness.

But recently in my own life, I’d realized the truth. While we can’t control what happens to us, we are the only people who can control how we react to those situations.

We can react from a place of victimhood, throw our hands up in the air and say, “It doesn’t matter what I do.” But this makes us feel trapped — like there’s a wall between what we want and where we are, with no escape in sight. Victimhood contributes to bitterness and sadness.

Sometimes we flail and scream, and sometimes we resign ourselves limply to the inevitable, but at no time do we take transformative action in our lives, take back the reins, or assert that we are the captains of our own ships.

What some people never realize is that the true cause of our unhappiness is the belief that we have no control.

Tree happiness

Breaking free of that belief is a prerequisite to happiness. Here are seven things happy people believe:

1. We choose our responses to every situation.

2. We are the authors of our stories.

3. We always have a choice.

4. Life’s trials are the most crucial periods in which to affirm your autonomy over your life. Hold on tight to that.

5. Welcoming hardship comes from the belief that struggles are not happening to us, but for us.

6. Those struggles are the most efficient conduit by which we learn and grow.

7. In any undesirable circumstance, there are three — and only three — happiness-promoting responses:

1. Accept and embrace the situation for what it is.

If we’re in a job that we aren’t happy with and we choose to embrace it, we no longer complain, commiserate with friends, bemoan our situation, or find ways to rebel. We actively make the best of it, every day.

2. Change the situation.

If we stick with the job example, changing the situation can look like having a conversation with the boss, implementing new ideas for a more satisfying work experience, etc. It means making the decision to stay in the situation while working to make it better.

3. Leave the situation.

If we choose to leave the situation, we quit the job and move to another one. Make this decision not out of frustration or desperation but after calm, measured consideration about what will make you happiest in the long term.

All of these options, each as much as the others, has you in the driver’s seat. No, we can’t control what life throws at us. But we get to decide how we’ll react to it. This is your ship! You get to steer. So start charting your course.