Our Better Health

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Give Yourself More Credit for Doing These Things

Let’s do a roll call: who here has been giving themselves a hard time lately? If this is you, it’s time to cut yourself some slack! You may not realize it, but there are countless things you accomplish every day that are absolutely praiseworthy.

No, really! If we don’t give ourselves credit for the small stuff, how can we feel comfortable patting on ourselves when we accomplish something massive?

The next time you start doubting yourself and your capabilities, reflect on this list as a reminder of all that you do that is right as rain. And give yourself some credit – you really deserve it.

1. Catching Some ZZZs

Getting enough sleep every night is not an easy feat! Whether we’re a working parent of triplets or someone who is struggling with managing their anxiety levels, the fact that we get as many ZZZs as we can is a huge accomplishment.

2. Facing Small Challenges

When is the last time you had a day with absolutely nothing worth worrying about? No deadlines or housework or difficult social interactions to manage? Take as much time as you need… but you’ll probably find that most days contain these minor challenges. The fact that we get through a handful of them each and every day is a bigger deal than you think.

3. Taking a Much-Needed Break

When those minor challenges start to add up and we decide to take a well-deserved break, that is called self-care. It is absolutely essential that we establish boundaries for ourselves and what we can handle – just like how it’s essential we establish the same kinds of boundaries in relationships. Reward yourself for not putting too much on your plate to handle.

4. Being a Good Friend

Did you let a friend use you as a support today? Did you offer a kind word to a loved one having a crummy day? Did you text a funny meme to a friend who needed a pick-me-up? These small signs of affection and caring mean a whole lot to the person on the receiving end.

5. Letting Someone Else be a Good Friend to You

Were you the person who needed that pick-me-up today? Being open to help and support is just as important as offering it to the important people in our lives who need it.

6. Thinking a Positive Thought about Yourself

Disappointment, judgment, and criticism are such powerful factors in our self-talk every day. But, if we are able to find one nugget of positivity in the way we speak to ourselves, consider it a victory. Even if it’s simply “I tried today”, take it as a win. You were nice to yourself when you needed it.

7. Having patience with your growth

Living in such a demanding and busy society can take its toll. We can end up expecting a whole lot more from ourselves than we can reasonably give. It is important to remember this fact when we take the time to reflect on our overall progress with personal goals or development. Consider a person you really admire: did they obtain the traits you love overnight? No! They struggled and stumbled and learned along the way – just like you are doing. It’s all a part of the process.

By: Katie Medlock      October 7, 2017
 
source: www.care2.com
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A Birthday Introspection

One of the best things I like about birthdays is the opportunity to reflect. For better or for worse, I tend to do this often enough, but especially at this time even more so.

I love me. It’s been quite a journey to get to a place where I can say that. There have been many, many days where my self esteem has been very poor (and there are still days where insecurities temporarily win battles) … but I now am at a place in my life where I can say that I am proud of who I strive to be and some of the twists and turns that have brought me here.

It’s a funny thing … you have to love yourself to be successful, yet you have to also try not to be too self centered. Self love, empathy, gratitude, focussing on the positive aspects of life, being able to forgive yourself , trying to be humble – yet confident… all these aspects of trying to strike a balance to be a thriving, healthy, successful individual. It’s hard to be objective about yourself … I hope I am close to that sweet spot somewhere in that healthy middle ground … all I can do is try my best.

Who am I? How did I get here? How’s life?

There are many things I love about who and where I am today … I am healthy, debt free, active and proud of many things. I am far from perfect, but I hope that my intentions lead me to positive places more often than not..

One of the things I struggle with at times these days is that inside I still feel like I`m in my late 20`s … but physically, I am quite a bit older. I`m sure that`s a common thing … I feel younger than I am, and in many ways that`s good. They say “you’re as young as you feel”  🙂

I try to continue grow, improve, and learn. I aim to be open, to be aware and empathetic. I look for win – win opportunities and strive to make the world a better place in little ways here and there.

I have had a fun and interesting journey …
I’ve been a wolf cub, a roadie, an extra, a delivery driver, and actor, a Dee Jay, a cab driver, a husband, a waiter, a salesman, a draftsman, a stage manager, a step father … I am an educator, a traveler, a web designer, a blogger, a cyclist, a volleyball player… and the journey continues 🙂

Of course there have been struggles … those challenges have helped make me who I am. There are good days and not so good days … just like most of us. Some days I feel invisible … some days I feel happy, present and successful. My struggles pale in comparison to many others. I am grateful for my struggles – they have brought me resilience, confidence and character. I have learned to take care of myself. I have learned that there is no better advocate for my own well being than me. I have learned that I have the strength to overcome challenges that life has brought my way … nothing is permanent, and I have what it takes to succeed.

I am so grateful … there’s food in the fridge, gas in the tank (of my Camaro) , I have air conditioning, a dishwasher and in suite laundry in my apartment, I am debt free, I have jobs I love, I am healthy and active …  My life is filled with travel, live sporting events and concerts … I am so blessed – thank you universe 🙂

I have learned much in my journey so far, and know there is much more to learn as well. I am proud of who I am and continue to look forward to further adventures, good times and making new happy memories. In this huge machine we call mankind, I know I am just a small cog … I have a good heart, strive to live a life of meaning and have faith that even better things are on the horizon 🙂

You have to love yourself. 
If you don’t, you owe it to yourself and those that love you
to find out why you might not, and work on it.

THE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF SELF-LOVE

“Who we are is more important than what we do.”

“We are valuable. Nothing can change that.”

ABOUT MISTAKES

  • Self-loving people know that they often make mistakes.
  • Since they live their lives for the joy they can find, they do a lot of experimenting and try many new things.
  • Since they aren’t dumb (or self-destructive), these experiments work out well most of the time- but sometimes they do go wrong.
  • When this happens, self-loving people are not surprised!
  • They simply apologize if necessary, fix anything that can be fixed, and move on…..
  • Self-loving people are responsible, not guilty.
  • Self-loving people don’t make many excuses especially to themselves.

IN RELATIONSHIPS

  • Since self-loving people tend to treat themselves well…
  • They see fun and enjoyment as a primary goal most of the time (even when it is hard to attain).
  • They do not tolerate mistreatment by others.
  • They are caring toward others. (It feels better to be that way.)
  • They never put anyone else first. (Even those they love are “a close second.”)

I hope to continue to evolve, grow and improve … ( and share much of things I learn with you) … I know that I make mistakes, and that’s OK. I am human. Mistakes have taught me much over the years 🙂  I try to learn from missteps when I can …
There are lots of days when I struggle (like many others) … but  Today, I celebrate ME.

━═★ [̲̅̅H̲̅][̲̅̅A̲̅][̲̅̅P̲̅][̲̅̅P̲̅][̲̅̅Y̲̅]  [̲̅̅B̲̅][̲̅̅I̲̅][̲̅̅R̲̅][̲̅̅T̲̅][̲̅̅H̲̅][̲̅̅D̲̅][̲̅̅A̲̅][̲̅̅Y̲̅] ★═━ 

 


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The Easiest Way To Kill Stress And Tension

The simple instruction that reduces stress and increases energy and optimism.

The easiest way to kill stress and tension is:
Don’t be so hard on yourself!

People who are more compassionate towards themselves experience less stress, new research finds.

Self-compassion is also linked to more:

  • optimism,
  • feeling alive,
  • and energy.

The conclusions come from a study of students coping with their first year at college.

Dr Katie Gunnell, the study’s first author, said:

“Our study suggests the psychological stress students may experience during the transition between high school and university can be mitigated with self-compassion because it enhances the psychological needs of autonomy, competence, and relatedness, which in turn, enriches well-being.”

Self-compassion has three components, the study’s authors explain:

(1) self-kindness, which represents the ability to be caring and kind to ourselves rather than excessively critical,
(2) common humanity, which represents an understanding that everyone makes mistakes and fails and our experience is part of a larger common experience,
and (3) mindfulness, which represents being present and aware while keeping thoughts in balance rather than overidentifying.”

Professor Peter Crocker, a study co-author, said:

“Research shows first-year university is stressful.
Students who are used to getting high grades may be shocked to not do as well in university, feel challenged living away from home, and are often missing important social support they had in high school.
Self-compassion appears to be an effective strategy or resource to cope with these types of issues.”

self compassion

Develop self-compassion

One way to increase this sense of self-compassion is to carry out a writing exercise.

Think about a recent negative experience and write about it.

Crucially, though, you need to write about it while being compassionate towards yourself.

In other words: don’t be too critical and recognise that everyone makes mistakes.

The study was published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences (Gunnell et al., 2017).

source: PsyBlog


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Take Time Out For Yourself This Christmas

A mental health charity is urging people to give themselves the gift of time and kindness this Christmas. 

The message, from Washington Mind, comes with only days to go until the big day, and the pressure of trying to make it perfect could mean some people are well on the way to reaching their breaking point.

It is so important to give yourself permission to take time out. Jacqui Reeves 

People are being encouraged to take a step back and to try to do something for themselves – in particular those who are already caring for loved ones.

Jacqui Reeves, services manager with Washington Mind, said: “For most of us, Christmas is a time for thinking of others, but we must also remember to think of ourselves.

“The old adage of looking after yourself to be able to look after others is so true.
“It is so important to give yourself permission to take time out from all the gift giving, party preparations and cooking to make sure you take care of yourself.
“This can help not only to prevent some problems getting worse, but may even stop them developing at all.
“You can enjoy the festivities without the unnecessary stress.”

One person who took to self-care to help boost her mental health and wellbeing said: “Being overweight and diabetic – not to mention my fear of touch – meant that going to a spa and taking part in sessions of reflexology, Reiki and back massage, wasn’t easy.”

“But, after enjoying the treatments so much, I now take time out to go regularly.
“It has been helped my mood improve, helped my fear of touch and I have also now got control over my diabetes. I’ve gone on to lose over a stone in weight, which has also improved the way I feel about myself.

Today, people are being asked to be their own best friend. Do something or say something nice about themselves.

self-love

Experts say people often beat ourselves up and talk to ourselves in a way they would not dream of talking to others. Be nice to yourself.

Mind has issued the following advice to help people take care of themselves in the run-up to Christmas and beyond.

Exercise: Physical activity can boost mental wellbeing and change your outlook on life. It can help people with anxiety and depression – even preventing those problems from developing in he first place. The important thing is to choose something you enjoy so you stick at it. If you are physically disabled, contact a local disability group about exercises you can do.

Relax: Christmas can be a very busy period for many people so try to make time to slow done and relax. Give yourself permission to take time out from the hustle and bustle. Planned relaxation calms anxiety and helps your body and mind recover from everyday rush and stress.Music, reading, a long soak in the bath or a walk in the park can help you to relax or taking part in something you enjoy.

Sleep: This is the time of year when it is all too easy not to get enough sleep. We may have more physical and emotional activity than normal during the 12 days of Christmas. Making sure you have enough, sleep can help you cope better with any difficult feelings and experiences.

Laugh: Laughter relaxes the whole body. A good hearty laugh relieves physical tension and stress.

Ask for help: You don’t have to do everything yourself, so don’t be afraid to ask for help. If you have any worries or concerns, talk to someone about them – don’t let them spoil your Christmas.

LISA NIGHTINGALE      Thursday 22 December 2016 
For more information on self-care, visit www.wellbeinginfo/self-care


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What Loving Yourself Can Look Like

There are many misconceptions about self-love. Some people assume that loving yourself is a cop-out or an excuse to do whatever you want—as in miss work just because, or spend money on some big purchase that’s going to set you back (i.e., spending money you don’t have). Some people assume it means not taking responsibility for your actions, or slipping into excess, or obsessive behaviors. Some people assume self-love is a synonym for hedonism.

I totally understand why these myths abound. After all, we’re more used to punishing and berating ourselves than we are to leading with self-kindness. It’s hard to comprehend approaching ourselves with love. Because doesn’t that mean we’ll get out of line? Doesn’t that mean we’ll be lazy, and inefficient, and careless?

We’re afraid of putting down the whip and removing our shackles. It’s similar to the fears we have about giving up dieting: Left to our own devices, will we just eat everything in sight? Will we sit on the couch allllll day long eating ice cream and stuffing our faces? (“Health” publications and diet ads create the assumption that we will…)

We worry that somehow self-love equals a lack of self-control. We’ll go wild. So we need to restrain ourselves with clear-cut rules and consequences (e.g., you eat dessert, you pay the price with an extra 30 minutes at the gym).

But self-love is more about having our own best interests at heart. It’s about being supportive and intentional. It is about respecting and honoring ourselves and making decisions that fulfill us on a deeper level. It might be about seeking pleasure sometimes (because that’s a good thing). But overall it’s about doing what serves our health and well-being. For instance, drinking a glass of wine might feel pleasurable. However, over time, you realize that your drinking has actually become an escape, a way to numb yourself from emotional pain. The loving action is to find a healthier way to cope with your heartache.

Below is what self-love means to me. These are my personal views and examples. Your perspective will likely look slightly different.

  • Self-love is getting quiet and contemplating my needs and wishes regularly (though, of course, I’ll forget and need reminding).
  • It is prioritizing my health, such as going to the dentist several times a year, and having an annual skin exam.
  • It is letting others be kind to me. It is letting others love me.
  • It is staying in bed longer when I need the rest.
  • It is not spending time with people who bring me down or are dishonest or thrive on gossip.
love_yourself

Self-love is using the present as an anchor when the inner-critic gets too loud, when my thoughts turn too dark.

  • It is taking a walk, not because I need to burn calories or punish myself for a big meal. But because it’s beautiful out, and it feels good, and it awakens my senses
  • It is being honest about my dreams and my feelings and my thoughts.
  • It is being OK with being sad or anxious, instead of bashing myself for these feelings, instead of saying that I am weak.
  • It is acknowledging that I don’t have to be like anyone else—I don’t need to be as productive as she is. I don’t need to adopt her dreams. My dreams don’t need to be “big” or anything other than what they are. I don’t need to hold the same opinions or priorities as he does. I don’t need to look like them. I don’t need to go along with something I dislike or don’t believe in. I don’t need to try the latest social media app if I’d rather devote that time to something else—like being with my loved ones, or relaxing, or sleeping.

Self-love is forgiving myself for making a mistake or a bad decision (as hard as this is). It is exploring what went wrong and trying to learn from it. It is wondering how I can move on and how I can make the next decision more helpful.

Sometimes, this comes naturally. Most times, I fumble and feel a bit lost. Sometimes, I feel like years of progress have been erased in a few moments. But that’s just because self-love is a process. And this is natural, too. We will disconnect from ourselves, and we will reconnect. The key, I think, is to be open. To be open to beginning and trying.

 

By Margarita Tartakovsky, MS    Associate Editor 


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Start Accepting Yourself, You’re Worth It

Do you ever feel like you are simply never good enough? As a serial perfectionist, I’ve struggled for years with self-acceptance. On the one hand, never settling keeps me striving to continuously better myself. But, as many of you know too well, the thirst for self-improvement is nearly always companioned by a shadow of self-deprecation and self-loathing. There is nearly always that cruel inner voice behind every small triumph, whispering with critical malevolence, making you feel horrible in even the best of circumstances.

Many of us are overly self-critical. A lot of adults, young or old, men or women, struggle with self-acceptance. Something so theoretically simple as loving, forgiving and nurturing yourself eludes so many of us. Why? Because we are taught to be perfect. We are taught to strive for the perfect bodies, the perfect wrinkle-less face, the perfect grades, the perfect house, the perfect lover, the perfect life.

We have made the ultimate goal of living perfection rather than joy and self-fulfillment, which is such a mind-wrecker. Know this: true perfection is impossible. It’s time to accept it. But, to be the happiest, best version of yourself, self-acceptance will make your imperfectly perfect life so much more beautiful. Here are a few tips I’ve learned on my journey to encourage your own self-acceptance:

Accept your successes.

I have the tendency to undervalue the work I’ve done and any progress I’ve made. A lot of people, especially women, I know have this tendency. Yeah, it sounds like I did something awesome, but when you think about it, it really isn’t THAT impressive. Stop belittling your success. Be proud of what you have accomplished and take full credit for it. You deserve to feel proud. Pride in your work is one of the first steps to being comfortable with who you are.

Self-acceptance is not arrogance.

I never want to appear arrogant. I find it a distasteful quality. However, in my quest to avoid arrogance, I sometimes practice so much humility that I become incapable of accepting the compliments and niceties of others. I martyr myself in my humility, boosting others up while pushing myself further and further down. But it’s not doing anyone any favors to dismiss compliments or positivity. We should all accept more positivity into our lives. Allow yourself to receive what you’ve earned and know that you truly deserve it.

mirror

Forget about the past.

Many of the self-acceptance issues I have struggled with arise from the ghosts of my past—namely the body dysmorphia I suffered as a professional dancer. Self-acceptance means being content with yourself in the present. Forget about your past. Stop defining your present by the ghosts behind you. You, in this very moment, are enough. You are worthy. Accept yourself as you are, not as you were.

Stop seeking the approval of others.

The only approval that matters, in the end, is your own. In the wise words of Chance the Rapper: “I don’t wanna be cool. I just wanna be me.” Be who you want to be. Stop focusing on what others want. Sure, you can try to please others. But in order to accept yourself, you have to make yourself a priority. Screw what everyone else thinks. As long as you are happy and no one else is being caused any pain, putting yourself first should be something we all strive for.

Spend time alone.

It’s easy to fill your schedule with dinners, drinks, work, family functions, et cetera. But, without some alone time, you are effectively hiding your true self from yourself. Everyone needs alone time to check in with themselves—to see how you feel, to process any new or outdated beliefs, to reassess how you are generally doing as a modern human. By avoiding alone time, you are perpetuating the fear that you are not enough on your own. Know that you are enough. Take yourself out to dinner and enjoy it. Go solo on a movie date. You’ll soon learn that when you’re solo, you’re more awesome than you could ever begin to imagine.

The key to self-acceptance is knowing that you, as you are right now, are enough. Yes, it takes a little bit of courage to begin to truly accept yourself for who you are, but every step brings you a little more self-empowerment, bit by bit. Self-acceptance can be a slow process. With every two steps of gain, it can sometimes feel like you are dragged a step and a half backwards by those mean voices inside your mind. But remember, even if you go backwards, you are still moving forward—steadily, steadily. Keep on, because the journey to you is so worth it.

By: Jordyn Cormier         October 17, 2016
source: www.care2.com


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How to Stop Being a Victim and Start Creating Your Life

“In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die.  And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.”  ~Eleanor Roosevelt

“They” say things happen at the “right” time. For me hearing a presentation, live, by Jack Canfield, came at the perfect time.

I was in San Diego, the traveling babysitter for my precious 5-month old granddaughter, while my daughter attended a nutrition conference. It was an all around win-win situation—a new place to sightsee and of course spend quality (alone) time with baby Rachel and daughter Penina.

When I found out Jack Canfield was the final key speaker, I jumped at the chance to attend. And the topic certainly resonated with me—“getting from where you are to where you want to be.” Now how’s that for someone in transition working to carve out a new path!

There were a lot of takeaways, fabulous ideas to hold onto; so much so that I’ve been carrying around his book, The Success Principles, and studying it since I got home.

One thing that really speaks to me is this idea of taking 100% responsibility for one’s life.

As a society, we are so quick to assign blame and pull out all the excuses as to why something did or did not happen.

All the “He made me, she made me….” finger pointing. There’s a reason why “the dog ate it” became such a classic excuse.

We relinquish all power when we go there. Where are we in this? I know that by nature many of us are passive recipients of life and are at the mercy of what befalls us.

In my workshops with parents on teaching responsibility, many are stuck or love acting in their role as helicopter parents, swooping down to save, rescue, and do all for their kids—all under the guise of, “The more I do for my child, the better parent I am.”
And therefore what are we teaching our kids when they come in to class and tell the teacher, “My mom forgot to pack my lunch”?

Then there’s the parent who comes ranting to school, “Don’t suspend my little Stevie for calling Andy names and hitting him in the playground; his sister does that to him at home, it’s no big deal.”

We are facilitating the perpetuation of an entitled breed of human beings.

In my practice as a therapist, clients would talk for years about being stuck because of what their dysfunctional nuclear families did to them.  “My mother did this, my father that…”

And then of course there’s me. What comes all too naturally for me is my quick ability to find fault with others, to pass judgment and criticize.

Who is to blame—why, my mother of course, queen of “judgmentalism.” I fight against these tendencies constantly.  But they do rear their ugly head often enough.  I guess it’s in my bloodstream. I’m aware of it; I work at it. I know where it comes from; therefore that explains it but it certainly does not excuse it.

 

This is my problem, my issue. What matters is how I handle it and work to respond differently—to catch myself while it’s doing its internal dance before it parts from my lips.

Not owning up to our actions—this takes away our part in doing anything different. We simply remain stuck while we continue to complain and feel miserable in our status quo of negativity.

We don’t have to worry about any discomfort of stepping out and trying on any new responses in this place.

There is no disqualifying the hurts and pain of the past. Our past, along with its inevitable issues and problems, contribute to who we are.

But we can go beyond the pain of our “stuff” and create new and good lives despite….

But we first must take charge of ourselves and decide we are capable of doing, being, and acting differently. We have to decide it’s up to us and not pass along our power to the blame and excuse game.

Assigning blame and making excuses keeps us victimized. We don’t have to do anything different because it’s not about us; it’s about someone or something else. We’re simply the recipient.

We may in fact be the recipient of external forces outside our control, but we have the control over our reactions and responses in what we do and how we handle it.  

Ah, but beginning to look at ourselves and our responses might shake us up a bit. It means we might have to make a move, do something different, or try something new. That can be scary.

Steps to take to begin taking responsibility for our life:

1. Decide you’re going to take on this new way of thinking. It is a different mind-set.

2. Make the conscious decision that it’s up to you.

3. Read some great books (or audio tapes) out there on this idea—by Wayne Dyer, of course Jack Canfield, and Eckhart Tolle. I recommend Madeline Levine’s The Price of Privilege.

4. Pick one thing and decide you’re going to respond differently—for example, when you’re stuck in traffic, decide you’re going to have a different response. Instead of getting all worked up, take some deep breaths and relax back into your seat with some good music on.

5. Put a visual Stop sign up in your mind when you feel yourself becoming defensive and ready to blame.

6. Apologize for something sincerely without attaching any “and” or “but” to it. “I’m sorry I raised my voice, but I couldn’t help it.” The “but” disqualifies the apology. Take responsibility for the reaction of yelling.

7. Take an action step, however small or inconsequential it may seem, toward something you want to attain.

8.  Empower yourself with “I can” and “I will” statements. “I can give this talk.” “I will write this paper.” Then the juices start flowing and we rev ourselves up with positive energy.  (Possibly some fear, too, but we will push through that.)

The internal stop sign goes up with the “I won’t” and “I can’t,” and we cut ourselves off from any creative or out-of-the-box thinking that might yield some unexpected, “Yeah, I can do this.”

9. Adopt the attitude, “change begins with me.”

10. Step outside your comfort zone. Try a different behavior or response to a familiar scenario. If you’re always running late in the morning madness and snapping at everyone in frustration, you can try getting most things ready the night before; try getting up earlier to get ready first; or decide to infuse yourself with some quiet time while everyone else is still sleeping.

This type of thinking and acting isn’t always easy, and it can feel like it’s too much effort, but becoming proactive in creating the life you want will yield tremendous results. You don’t need that big new happening to occur; you’ll see and feel it in the small changes. Those will be the stepping stones to continue onward.